We have all seen suffering in this world. And asked Why? I have asked WHY? as I have suffered in my own life. So much so that the pain often trumped any other feelings. I have cried bitter tears thinking God had forgotten me and left me in a desolate wasteland of nothing but agony. There were days when I woke and my first thought was … another day done I am closer to the end and this will be over soon. I would estimate how many years I had left to live in the uncomfortable and debilitating world I was locked in. How long God will I live with this anguish? I asked that every day.
It seemed odd and unfair that God would put me in such a place. Occasionally, I would glimpse my kind generous heart and wonder why it was not being put to better use. After all, if we are here to love and be loved why is the joy of that birthright denied me? Why was I so condemned?
And yet each day rolled into the next and I could not get out of my lonely and harsh suffering.
There were many reason for my suffering. Emotional issues, anxiety disorders, failed relationships, disastrous love affairs, physical challenges and of course being an empath all resulted in a myriad of manifested and unlearned lessons. But it was 2009 – 2011 when my world fell apart that brought the dis – ease to a no longer tolerable level. As much loss and illness as a human could bear was crammed into a 2-year stint of disaster and trauma that rivaled a nuclear tsunami. Of course, now I understand this was done to make me take notice, look deeper, and break through life as I knew it to a whole other life I never knew could exist! The best way to get me there was push my threshold to feel more pain so that I had to stand up and do something. Intolerance is always the final shove that pushes you to change. And in that change we finally find blessed relief!
The hard part is being in the intolerable and finding the road to “the change”.
That is where God comes in.
By 2012 I was on the path searching for that road and admittedly the seeking made me vulnerable. I had so much trauma I was dealing with I mistakenly took solace in some places I didn’t belong. Disastrous co -dependent love affairs are so messy when they get hold of you, especially when you are fragile. And there are always people who will feed on the weak and very lonely souls that we sometimes become in our times of suffering. It is a disgusting and shameful place but the perfect arena for a warriors’ heart to emerge. Much like the roman coliseum where only the most brave and aware see the light of glory. My valor was certainly tested then.
I clearly remember my turning point out of suffering. Much was wrong in my life but the worst thing was the loneliness that was eating me alive. I had been isolated at home for a few days in anxiety and depression, hiding my repulsive self from the world. I couldn’t stop crying for thinking about all my loss and I was so angry at God and myself for everything. I took a shower and began to cry more. There was no one to hear. There was simply no one.... anywhere. Not for me anyway. I began to rage, I was screaming “Why God? Why would you put me here?” I was so fed up with all the shit and pain in my life, and with the emptiness. I raged on until I had nothing left and I was just spent and exhausted from my hysterics. By now I was sitting naked on the shower floor when the water began to run cold and I was shivering and quietly sobbing. My anger was gone and I was like a helpless drowned creature. I was absolutely at the end of my rope. Completely spent with nothing left my tears changed to humble ones and I realized I was nothing without God. I had been reduced to complete soaking wet shivering surrender. I rocked back and forth like a baby as I begged for mercy and I gave myself over and I asked God to release me from my suffering and to show me the way. I completely trusted his hands to take me because I was done I had nothing left inside. I had made a mess of my life with my stupid weak choices seeking comfort in false ideals. Everything that happened to me was for a bigger reason and I was ready to see those reasons. “Please God show me how to live the life I am meant to with you by my side”, I softly pleaded. “Teach me to be who I am meant to be I know this is not what You want me to be”, please orchestrate my life and create with me a better one.”
Suddenly I felt my burden lift. He released me. In a moment everything changed! And there I sat on the floor of that shower a naked shivering heap of gratitude as through my tears I cried “thank you” over and over. And before I got out and dried myself off I thanked Him for all the suffering he gave me to bring me to my salvation. I realized with humility that my suffering had been a privilege. My repulsive anger and screaming tears had drowned out the beautiful sound of God’s calling. For in the sound of suffering there is God’s voice calling your name leading you to the road of change. We just can’t hear it until we move past the suffering to surrender. It is in that humble rawness we find his outstretched hand and the power of Spirit to co create a new life out of the suffering.
Suffering has 3 parts.
The first is the BREAK DOWN. Something happens to break us. It is here where we start to suffer. We can’t believe this event is happening and it makes us physically sick. Our body starts to break down, we have weight loss or gain, our sleep is disrupted with too much or too little. These symptoms get our attention very fast. They are meant to do that. We are forced to take more notice of our “break down”. This is to move us from shock to acceptance and admit this challenge is really happening. This time is usually the worst part of the physical manifestation and you will get sick from whatever trauma happened or sicker if your challenge is a psychical illness. This period of “shock” to our system is different for everyone. We may think judgmentally that some of us stay here in this brokenness too long. But what is the right amount of breakdown? That answer is up to the universe. It is going to give you whatever it takes to get your attention to bring you to the next place. Which is the BREAK THROUGH. That key is different for all of us. I was an exceptionally hard case and the universe had to almost destroy me before I “got it”. The important thing is that at some point we move out of the break down to the second part of suffering. The break down is given to us to bring us to a better more satisfying life and more soulful level of consciousness.
Pain teaches us compassion, deprivation teaches us gratitude, vulnerability teaches connection, loss teaches us non-attachment, limitation teaches us humility, desperation teaches us hope. All these things are love. We are brought suffering to bring us to love.
The second part of suffering is the BREAK THROUGH. When we start to realize patterns to our suffering and stop blaming others we take responsibility for our shortcomings and we break through the psyical suffering to the emotional and mental grid of our suffering. Usually this is when we start to feel better physically but we go through intense emotions. We remember our past and start to review our lives. We realize the reasons we are in the place of discomfort and we start to make changes. We see the “common denominators” that cause our pain and we start to clear and eliminate those things. We begin seeking ways to manifest good things. We start to find new ways and places to seek pleasure. If these things are constructive our break through is positive. We realize the “everything happens for a reason” theory and begin to be grateful for our suffering. We start to love ourselves. We start to do more of the things we love. We take care of our physical body better and we start to take care of our “Spirit”. We see things in a new “light”. We come out of the dark to emerge into light. We start to live a happy more tolerable life. We may even call on God for help and start to feel his presence in our lives.
Many people end their journey here with a better understanding for others and themselves. They find a certain amount of contentment or they are “OK” yet still seek something more. They are searching for some just out of reach unattainable energy or happiness. This is usually because they are “incomplete”. They have not gone on to the completion of their cycle and the most important reason for suffering. And more than likely there is more suffering in their future. They have not learned what Spirit really wanted them to. They think they are in control and entitled. They do not understand the humility of co creating with the Master of our lives.
They have heard their suffering and answered to it but not the call within it. Perhaps they called on God for a little while and when things got better it was business as usual…
We do this often it is our human nature. And not “getting it” we repeat our suffering and get angry about it. I was stuck here for a long time. Until I realized the deeper reason for our suffering.
The third part of suffering is the BREAK OUT. This is the deeper and most important reason that we suffer. We suffer so we have an experience that no one else has. It gives us unique wisdom and understanding that no other person has. We are given this to help others. Yes, my friends suffering is God’s voice calling us to service for others and the world. When you understand this your suffering ends and healing truly begins.
What purpose has your suffering if it helps only you? Do we go through all these trials so we can learn? Yes, but it does not end with your journey alone. Take what you have learned, take your story and experience and help those in the same place that you were. This “break out” heals us more than the break through! When we break out of our own suffering to help others break through their suffering we are doing what we came here to do. Love and be loved. We heal ourselves and others in this way.
Many of us end our experience of suffering with the break through and never break out to pay it forward and help humanity. Then we are perplexed at why our suffering never ends. I can assure you it will end with your break out.
The lesson of suffering is simply this: To break us down to the point of humility where we break through the humble understanding that we are nothing without God and each other and we break out into love to heal each other. That is the reason for all suffering. It is there that we are joined in unity without judgement or entitlement to find an unconditional love that is our birthright. That connection is only found in the wisdom and vulnerability of our suffering.
Suffering has a unique sound. If you sit quietly with your suffering you will hear its beauty over the din of its repulsiveness. I have heard its call. It was the quiet notes of an outstretched hand between my tears. A beautiful voice rising over the water as I sat naked and lonely on a cold shower floor sobbing for the mercy I scarcely deserved. I heard the voice of Spirit and it said “I gave you this for others to be healed. You have always known this”. I realized there was a much bigger picture than my suffering. It was time to stop living in my little dot and start joining the world. The universe was there to heal me if I would put myself in service to heal it.
My life is good now and some may wonder about that. But, I am no different than you. I was just a girl who didn’t listen until one day I had to because the world got to be too much. So sit with your pain, dive into your suffering until its almost unbearable and then come up for air and breakthrough the surface to help somebody else. That is the purpose for your suffering. The world is so beautiful when you live that way. We all need the healing love that we are deep inside.
Peace and love,
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose