There was a time when I was in love with Pizza. I considered myself a Pizza connoisseur. In my quest to find the epitome of this thinly crusted, saucy, cheesy combination of culinary perfection I rejected a lot of very fine Pizza. Pizza is not so easy to get right. What seems like a simple food has a lot of complicated ingredients. Just the sauce alone takes much consideration when rating the overall experience. If the sauce is too spicy or too sweet …game over. And the crust being the foundation of the whole thing can ruin even an otherwise appealing and attractive experience. Of course, my palate wasn’t the only judge, a perfect slice had to look good too. My search took me far and wide.
I had an idea in my mind and tummy, of what the perfect pizza would look like and taste like- hell even smell like when I found it. A slender thin crispy crust, with a perfect sauce and bubbly cheese just browned to perfection and a sprinkling of sesame seeds on the round top portion of the ends. Hmmm my mouth waters now just thinking of it.
I was connected to my soul mate pizza even before we met. It would be a match made in proverbial pizza heaven. I looked in many fine restaurants and lots of divey pizza parlors for my ideal. I came close a couple times. But I am not sure I ever found the perfect slice of pizza. As I said I rejected a lot of very good pizza’s. Oh, sure I tried to accept them for a while but in the end, they were judged for their too fat or too thin crust, a rubbery or brittle soul. Their sauce would inevitably prove to be too spicy or weak and some left a bitter aftertaste. Cheese was a big thing too- sometimes it was too clingy to the dough, sometimes it slid off too fast and had no commitment to the foundation of the slice. For a while I resorted to making pizza at home just to “do it my way” thinking the quest would have better results with me in charge of the creation.
You know where I'm going with this right?....
Years later I realized my Pizza Hunt was a metaphor for finding the perfect connection. It was just another way my ego acted out its childish indulgences and “wants”. It felt entitled to what it craved. We all crave the perfect connection. You know, the one person we dream of being with in life, our twin, our soul mate who will swoop in with butterflies and roses and solve all life’s challenges. C’mon in our naivete’ we all dream of that. If only…
Reminiscing of that silly time made me understand a lot about love and connection. I was searching for an illusion I created out of a misguided ideal. In my search for the connection I was in fact disconnecting. My judgement of anything less than ideal disconnected me from love and gratitude for what is real. A couple of times I was even angry and frustrated at a disappointing experience from a slice that didn’t live up to expectations. Don’t laugh. I know we have all been there.
The emotions and pattern of my perfect pizza search was a mirror for the way I had searched for friends and partners. In my critical judgement, I was not aware and appreciative of some wonderful people. Maybe I could have been more loving and kind if I connected without judgement. And maybe I would have had more experiences made richer by qualities in people I never really gave a chance. Just like the rubbery crusted pizza’s I threw in the dumpster- some had a fine sauce!
I often complained of loneliness and feeling disconnected but in fact I was in part doing that to myself. When we reject and judge we are in fact sometimes disconnecting from love. Someone slightly wounds us and we become rigid and refuse to forgive and so we ignore their overtures of friendship, when they may be a truly loving person who simply miss stepped. But we judge harshly and exclude them from our life. I have done that. I have had it done to me.
What makes us tolerate injustice from some and harshly exclude others? Usually the more harshly judged are our mirrors. They push on a sore we need to heal. Exclusion can often hurt, not just the one excluded. In our separation, we disconnect from the one thing that is real – love and become lost in the illusion of our judgements. Judgements that prevent us from having love and compassion for ourselves and our wounds. Of course, I am not referring to people who do us egregious harm that do not serve us. That is not judgement but discernment. I am talking about judging harshly family and friends who love us and who we may still have purpose with and who we may enrich each other’s lives in connection. Separation is sometimes just another form of judgement. Maybe those rubbery crusted pizza's reminded me too much of my own weaknesses.
And thus, we become morally outraged. We have certainly seen enough of that with the current political climate for instance. There are many lifelong friends falling out with moral outrage over different beliefs. There is no room for compassion when you are morally outraged. It breeds hate, anger, prejudice and finally separation and disconnection from love.
Love is true compassion. True compassion is when we embrace ourselves or someone else - faults and all and accept what is. Compassion is love without being tied to an outcome. Compassion is love for the sake of loving. Compassion is gratitude for the opportunity to love another like that. This connects us to all things. Expectation for an outcome and predictions of negative intent disconnect us, it puts us in separation and brings loneliness.
There is an awful lot of pizza I wasted. I threw a lot of lonely slices in the dumpster. Maybe I should have just eaten the crust or the cheese and accepted the good parts. My mind was so critical of the experience, that the good part was ruined. If I had not been looking for the fault I would have enjoyed a lot of slices. Now a days, I love all pizza. I embrace even the rubberiest crust. It’s all good. I am so grateful for every slice of hot gooey crispy goodness. I mean really what’s a bad pizza?? I LOVE ALL PIZZA!
And I love everybody. I offer friendship to everyone. I exclude and turn my back on no one that has good intention. Friendship transcends all. I am connected. I am compassion. I am not judgement. I am free. And pizza taught it all to me. I guess I found the perfect pizza after all!
Peace and love,
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose