Meditation music plays softly, as I stand over the woman lying on my Reiki table. She is in a deep meditative state. It’s probably the most peaceful she has been since cancer took up residence in her body. The room is hushed in reverent whisper and quiet contemplation as about 10 ladies are gathered around. Some are healthy and some are sick, some are in battle and some can now rest, all are warriors. It is our monthly “Pink Reiki Circle”. There is so much love in the room that it is a palpable band of energy, swirling and spraying around us. If I were to assign it a color, this rainbow of love would be pink and gold and green and violet. It beams out of our hearts and rises slowly to tangle with the Angelic vibration that encircles us. I want to reach out and gather it in my arms and wash in its divine shower. My heart is so open it does not merely beat it vibrates with the entire universe. This essence will stay with me long after these brave ladies have gone home and this night ends. I source my life from the divinity and privilege of this sacred space. I become love here. I am love infinitely from here. This beautiful place that has no beginning and no end inspires me to be love.
I look down at a bald head and scan a face with hollow cheeks and no eyebrows. I see pale almost waxen skin as thin as paper that stretches over a skull now in quiet repose. And I have never seen anything more beautiful than this woman. She is fear and trust, grief and gratitude, she is doubt and hope, cowardice and valor, anger and patience, and she is sorrow and joy. She is love.
I can feel her and all she has been and all she is and all she will become. I know her struggles and her victories. I connect with divine source and pour white light into her crown so she may be illuminated with health. I call in Archangel Raphael to heal her grieving heart and Mother Mary to give her divine female essence renewal. As I run my hands above her body I can feel her places of discomfort and the heavy toxins that saved her life and make her sick. I feel everything she feels and I am honored to be in such greatness and bravery. This woman is a survivor, a fighter facing her own mortality and winning her life back. It is like this with all of these amazing women who will get on my table to lie under my hands. I was once them. This strengthens the healing cord of love that binds everyone in this room. We are a tribe.
I am a really lucky girl because I get to fly with Angels sometimes. Healing work transports me to a place of such pure love and gratitude that I not only become complete love and light but I feel humbled by the privilege of knowing such a place of love and pure bliss exists. It is a remembrance of where I was before I was born. I go home. The Angels lift me up on their wings and take me where there is nothing but pure unconditional love. I feel a total contentment and satisfaction. I become love and I give love. I am love.
Recently I had a bad bout with the flu. As I lay in bed wretched with pain throughout my body the realization that I had to postpone my “Pink Circle” and in fact cancel all of my readings and Reiki plunged me into a dark place. For 3 weeks I was a plant struggling to bloom towards the sun while locked in a cold damp closet. I lost my source of light and love. Lying in bed for the first 7 days my body felt heavy and burdened. Through long sick days I had no contact with another human being. My heart grew cold and began to close as I allowed the challenging aloneness of my life to overcome me. The reality that you don’t have anyone to even bring you a glass of water when you are not sure if you can get up is daunting. You feel disconnected and alone. I cried under the weight of it.
Of course a few friends texted to ask if I needed anything and others beautifully offered to bring me anything I needed. I was grateful for the offers. But as my body shook with fever and I wondered if I would ever feel better again. I was scared and dramatic and felt sorry for myself. I didn’t want just anybody I wanted the certain ones I wanted to comfort me. I became the little girl who gave little notice to a dependable and loving Mother because her tiny heart was busy longing for love from a father who had abandoned her. Yes, we want what we want.
And so as my darkness became that age old longing as my inner child’s heart grasped for love where it was no longer. I reached out to a few ex’s, now friends. The ones I wanted to come comfort me weren’t so nurturing or generous. It plunged me into deeper darkness as I took their less than supportive responses as rejection. My unrealistic expectations seemed on the mark to me in my distorted view and their disinterest hurt me. The downward spiral was now at heart breaking speed and I was headed in the wrong direction. A few unreturned texts and I came up empty and unloved. I became the little girl ignored and abandoned and my heart closed against the pain.
Love was a problem, Love stinks I told my pitiful self as my heart closed to the very thing it needed to heal. I was sick and weepy and alone and unloved. I cried, sick with fever, wallowing in a big ball of depression! I was a stark contrast to the girl that flies with Angels.
I couldn’t meditate or find center. I was closed off. I was unbalanced and totally disconnected. I was allowing myself to be consumed with sickness and dis - ease.
My body slowly got better but I still didn’t feel like me. I felt off kilter and really lonely and in despair. I dragged myself to yoga in an attempt to feel better. But I felt cold and dark. My heart hurt with the familiar pain of deep loss. Life is like that sometimes. We remember the wrong things.
One evening a friend came to see me and as we spoke of spiritual things I started to feel light creep in to me. I had not seen any friends or connected with anyone in 3 weeks and this contact brought me warmth. Sitting next to him I could actually feel my heart thaw out and start to remember its reason for being. Before he left he held out his hands to me and although I knew it was to give me strength and healing I instinctively turned on my light and gave him healing and love as I envisioned white light surging from my palms into his.
In an instant I was in service to the world again, my heart burst open and I became love. I was healed, in sync, and at peace. I was my essence. I was love.
We said goodbye and I closed my front door and leaned heavily against it with a deep sigh. All the suffering of the last few weeks was now so clear. The closet door burst open to let out a flower that had been blooming all along in the dark. Although I had felt cold and dark and off kilter I had been reaching for light sourcing myself with the love that vibrates eternally in my heart. I was just closed off from the knowing of that.
I slid down the door in a puddle of gratitude and landed on the entry tile. I was once again love. And my body shook with gratitude as I cried tears of joy. I was alive and at peace again. I was connected and whole. I was once again home.
I thought back to my father and the little girl he abandoned. I spent so much time grasping for his love and feeling the cold sting of his rejection that it drove my life with loneliness and fear for many years. I healed that wound many years ago as I cared for him as he lay dying. And now the reason I was able to heal became crystal clear. As my father lay dying I no longer grasped for his love I stopped seeking and I became love. I gave and gave to him. I would have done anything to ease and comfort him. It was no longer about what I wanted or needed. In the end all was reconciled. But the pain had come back these last weeks and now I understood why and what all this had been about…
Don’t seek love. Be love.
Love becomes a problem when we seek it.
That darn divine flu taught me a lesson! A lesson that is key to mastering my life. Feeling sick and alone in my deprivation I forgot who I am and my essence. I forgot that I am love.
Instead of reaching inside to my infinite source of love and being love for myself I started seeking it outside of myself. That is when love becomes a problem. It gets tangled in expectations and outcomes. It gets lost in the illusion of what we want it to be and who we tell ourselves it has to be with. Before you know it we are not just seeking love we are grasping and crying for it on our own terms and time lines like children looking for the hidden candy. I want it now! And I want this flavor!
In reality love is boundless and borderless and without shape and size and condition. It is always within us. We seek what we need to just “be”. We need to be love for ourselves, for others and for the world.
Relief and joy sweep over me as I finally understand. I send my friend blessings and the light of a million angels as I prepare for bed. He could never know the gift he gave me merely by reaching out his hands to me. Simply by being love and sharing his essence and vibration with me he brought me back where I belong.
As we touched … palm to palm, two light beings connecting heaven and earth in a circle of infinite love and gorgeous energy I remembered my own essence and I came home to once again fly with the Angels.
Be love! Miracles happen that way.
Peace and love,
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose