The Cancer Sweater

I have this big soft white sweater that I love to come home too. It hangs inside the door of the hall closet on a hook I bought especially to hold it there. It brings me peace and comfort. As soon as my arms slide into its soft embrace it is my cue to lock the front door,curl up in a ball and isolate, relax, wallow or be a slug for a while.

I've had that sweater for 7 years! I wore it through cancer and my parents deaths and my divorce. I came home to it the morning I watched my best friend cry out in fear from his death bed. 
Yes, it was always there waiting for me to lift it off its hook and wrap myself in its soft snugly sadness.  Like a treasured friend insulating me from the world with a  second skin it was my safe place, my security. My homey sweater to burrow in. And it held many memories. While it made me feel warm and safe it certainly was not a "happy sweater". Yet I always thought of it as something special  that made me feel good and happy. 

Yesterday I threw out my "cancer sweater". Y up threw it in the garbage closed the lid and walked away.  

Then I went in the house and took my favorite most comfy Skechers sneakers from the floor of my closet and threw them in the garbage too.  I loved them because my feet had roomy space in them and they felt so comfortable and homey.  For years they were the safe haven for my little tootsies. At times I actually thought of my feet as happy in them..."happy feet"!   But if I was really honest about it they were my " cancer sneakers".  They were black and white and sporty with sparkly heels and I wore them to biopsies and MRI's and chemo and to radiation every day for 6 weeks. I walked in them well and healthy and I walked in them when I could barely walk too. I remember focusing  on their toes as I was wheeled around Sloan in a chair leashed to an IV and I remember thinking about their sparkly heels shining towards the ceiling as my breasts were pierced and biopsied through a table. Just like the embrace of my favorite sweater I felt loved  and safe when I snuggled inside them. But  if I stopped bull shitting myself, their support was in fact an anchor.

Today I saw the truth. I stopped bullshitting myself about the energy associated with these things. The illusion was shattered into the light. . The safety offered by these things was not love. These familiar securities were simply a lid on emotions, a pacifier when the world was trying to drag me forward against my will. What were these security blankets made of?  Well of course good old reliable fear, that old safety mechanism created to keep us stuck.  I told myself sticking with these things kept me safe, after all they had served me so well in my time of deprivation and sickness and need.  But wait a minute... didn't they carry that energy?  They weren't really comfy and safe at all.  Their energy confined me. It tethered me to sickness and limitation.  My sweater and those sneakers made me want to lick my wounds, curl in a ball and stay there. I had to finally admit my past had programmed myself to reach for them.

 And so I tossed the sneakers in the garbage right next to the sweater. I finally let It all go.  It was time for me to break in a new pair of running shoes, ones that help me run forward not just stay comfy.  Just like the sweet familiar " cancer sweater"  they weren't  really doing me any good. In fact they represented everything I needed to move away from in my life.

Amazingly I had not seen that. I slid my arms into what I thought was the warmest embrace and slid my feet into the safety of a perfect cradle and I thought I felt love. But love is not safety, love is not same old. Love is transmuting the old to a higher vibration.

I had idealized these things. I didn't see them for what they really were. Blindly I thought they were nice and warm and fuzzy and loving.  I didn't 't see how they could ever hurt me. When in fact they were detrimental. They were most unkind to me. Subliminally keeping me stuck in suffering, preventing anything new with their safe routines.
Today I saw through their illusion and took my freedom from these poor coping mechanisms. I canceled my programming. .  Today I tossed them in the trash.

 Funny thing about illusions, once you shed light on them you see their shards. Like broken glass on the kitchen floor every time you go to pick up another piece you see more dirt that you didn't even know was there.  Pretty soon you end up cleaning the whole kitchen just because you broke one glass.  Once you break apart an illusion suddenly you can see where the pieces of them have scattered across your life.  Like tiny bits of a broken  magnifying glass they expose the fine dust that you  scattered all over the floor of your life.  And you can no longer live with the dirt of your bullshit.  You start to clean up...

And so the hard questions came... Where else do I seek pleasure that is really just another illusion? Where else am I confusing safety with restraint and denying the path forward God really wants me to experience?  What and who else have I idealized? Am I really sourcing my life with wisdom, love and growth or  instead just doing what is familiar? Do I allow illusions to justify my run and  retreat from love? 

During this amazing era of awakening  everything is heightened and increased in frequency for our ascension.   We are being given experiences designed to correct our thinking.   But we miss them if we are in illusion about our true path.  The path is always love. Sometimes the experience of God's Divine love is given in something that does not fit our ideal.  We need to see past the illusions and false security of what we think things and people are and see truth in these often stirring gifts.  If something grabs your attention it is for a reason, if you think it will deviate your plan...well, maybe THAT is the plan and you are meant to find something higher than what you originally sought by opening to love through this unplanned experience.   But if we don't let go of our beliefs and programming from the past it can't happen.   Never has energy been more heightened for us to do this and shed the past and its comforts for new and more rewarding pursuits.  We must use these energies to transmute the old .  And especially shine the light of truth  on the illusions that cause us to run and retreat from love. It's time to stop the bullshit and the stories we tell ourselves listen and allow the story the universe is trying so loudly to show us!.

I know you all feel the intense energy of this meaningful time of change and ascension by the content of the emails and calls and also by the stories of your experiences you send and tell me.  As we grow we must have courage and be kind as we clear out the old  "sweaters "  and "sneakers"  in our closets and make room for a new wardrobe with a higher vibration!

Bring in the new day and embrace change.  Don't just talk the talk but walk the walk!
Peace and Love, 
Georgia Rose

---