Today I took the bed apart. Our bed. My bed. Where we made plans and made love and made a life. Today I dismantled the refuge I have known for 20 years. It was my safe place, my home. I have fallen into those familiar curves and dreamed my aspirations and hopes and desperate needs. It has been a bed of roses and thorns. The memories inside that mattress and box spring flew out and slammed into me as I tried to break free of it. That bed got here after we tied it to the roof of the old Explorer and under cover of darkness moved into our new neighborhood. We didn't want the "rich folk" to see our hillbilly maneuver but we were so impatient to spend the night in our newly renovated home we moved the bed ourselves. We were so young and full of everything! We couldn't wait to move into the house that when you saw it for the first time - you turned to me in the front seat of the car and said
" Babe it's us!" as you pulled me into your arms.
That bed...where we triumphed and made up, battled cancer and brain tumors, cried and laughed, suffered and dreamed. The bed no matter how cold always got warmer when I found your feet against mine. A small comfort that said "We're gonna be OK".
It was the same bed I could not sleep in for months after you lay by me no longer. The bed I finally returned to with the cold surrender that 'this is my life now'. The bed I finally after much healing brought others too. The bed my 4 legged best friend keeps my feet warm in now.
It became the bed a needy girlfriend who crashed in with me after a bad break up. The bed a boyfriend fed me scrambled eggs in during a vicious flu. It became the bed of lonely nights and contented single girl sleep ins till noon. Passionate sleep overs and quiet Sundays in solitude with a laptop writing my heart out. It was the place of classic movies and decadent ice cream sundaes in the dark. Bowls of soup and lonely Saturday nights.
My refuge, of love and grief. The place I shared love and the place I twisted in a loneliness that ate me alive.
Everything has changed outside, inside, above and below. But that bed was always the same, same same. My bed, my love, oh how I have loved my bed. For better or worse, for richer or poorer in sickness and in health. Now, it is time to say goodbye. It must go like all things that no longer serve us, to make room for the better. There is power in goodbye!
But at first that old worn mattress with just the right spot for me wouldn't leave the room. It kept twisting and turning as I tried to push it and pull it out. Like a recalcitrant child on the first day of school- it just did not want to go! It was a message to me from the universe.
I have a hard time letting go too sometimes!
That old mattress kept flopping over and bending and going in the wrong direction. I kept trying to drag it and pull it, but it wouldn't cooperate with my plan. I was getting mad. And then I laughed as I thought it was just like me. The way I held on to a marriage that was breaking apart. A sudden storm I could not accept at first. When it broke through my shutters and scattered all my goods I kept trying to keep out the rain and the cold damp hollow it brought. Eventually I surrendered. I let its wind scatter me and I leaned into the storm and I suffered there until I had enough and then I let the wind shift and the rain cleanse me. Yes, hard times they were, made harder by my resistance. Just like this floppy mattress. Finally I got it out and just as the garbage truck came too! After the vroom swoosh of the hydraulic crusher the truck continued its rounds oblivious to the fact that it was ...The end of an era.
Gazing around the empty space of my bedroom I wondered if it was still a bedroom if there was technically no bed in it. But I had to admit the room seemed brighter and lighter already. Like sunshine. And I remembered...
It always feels good to listen to the universe and see what it shows us.
When I stopped fighting the universe the sun finally came again and I realized it was life and has a soul. Who when he rises brings hope and when he sets a bittersweet sorrow and when he shines a joy and when he is away a melancholy. And so I have learned to embrace this sun, this life for each of these faces and phases. These changes and its emotions are the essence of our light.
In this bed I have pondered many mysteries and found answers of a life so alive. But it has not been the bed that has shown me, not the wires and wood and stuffing of its object. But the chamber of my heart and soul, the nerves and blood of my body that have shown me a lifetime in this bed, my home. The memories and sensations are me. I am an endless energy of light.
So today I say goodbye to this bed, my bed, our bed, the bed that was my life.
I let go of this place and grab on to me for I AM the only place the only bed and the only refuge I shall ever need. I am the bed of my life.
Peace and love,
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose