Stretching lazily before I even peeked out from under my covers, I could somehow tell this morning was different, as though the earth had grown sweeter overnight. My skin felt softer and the air was lighter in the room. When I popped out of bed the cold floor didn’t jar my feet awake. It wasn’t cold at all. In fact, the room was warm. I padded through the house to the kitchen where a quick peak out the window showed all the snow on the front lawn was melted and a huge pink sun sparkled on the horizon over the canal. Something made me crack the window open and a blast of warm air hit my face. It felt like May but it was the middle of February!
I hardly cared for the science of it – all I knew was this fluke was not to be wasted and I had to get dressed and play with it! This reprieve from grouchy old man winter was not to be squandered lazing around the house or doing laundry and grocery shopping. No, this rare pleasure would be enjoyed to the fullest with a lighthouse visit and sand beneath my feet. February schmebuary! Woohoo!
A little while later as I pulled into my beloved Field 5 Robert Moses State Park I could see Fire Island seashore was very popular today, already parking was 2/3 full, you would think it was June. I started to think about the sun and the surf and how nature calls us humans to its shores. Her siren song of solace and comfort as old as time, makes us flock to her embrace. Seeking a renewal of our spirits and a connection to our source. Maybe the world wasn’t truly in such madness and chaos if it’s masses were drawn to such simple food for the soul. That uplifting thought gave me hope for the enlightenment of mankind.
As I strolled down the beach I must admit I was a tad resentful that all these people were on my beach, but it was a small tradeoff for the gorgeous weather. And besides I thought as I walked past a couple with two cute toddlers playing in the sand, it’s nice to see people and families choosing healthy pursuits. I started to think about that and about where we seek pleasure.
The places I have chosen to seek pleasure at different times in my life have sometimes been messy and sickly and stupid. My choices have at times been not just troublesome, but down right destructive. And yet 6 years ago, when life dealt me its most crippling blow it resulted in the best choices of my life. How was that? That rock bottom could make me rise instead of fall?
I am not sure I have the answer to that except that maybe from complete desperation comes our final truth. That maybe when our lives are such a mess and we are in so much pain, we can’t continue to do what we do and be who we are. In that excruciating place of disgust and despair we let go of ourselves. We say goodbye to the person who brought us to that place with their indulgences and selfish wants and silly pride and false worships. We finally surrender in our suffering to something higher, a power much greater than just us and a new person is found, a new identity created. One who seeks pleasure in new places. In places that bring the feelings of love and comfort and wholeness we had been seeking all along. These places are shown to us by the beautiful Spirit of God that we never had time to connect with before.
It is far from an easy journey. Throwing out an old identity and creating a new one, but where we seek pleasure is the basis for much of it. A friend recently told me that he quit smoking after doing so for most of his life. I knew how this would change him, not just his health but his minds frame of reference too. He had such a sense of power about him, for having kicked the habit. “It used to be my weakest point, my safe place” he said. I was so proud of my friend for having such courage and for loving himself enough to fight for his power over that false worship. It wasn’t just kicking cigarettes it was the empowerment of his choice that is life changing! He gave me such amazing inspiration, it got me thinking.
We all have false idols, the things we worship and are powerless over. For a long time, my safe place was food. At various times in my life I have been 200lbs and sickly thin, from one extreme to another. I never had a good relationship with food. It has controlled my life for as long as I can remember. It was my go to drug. It controls how I feel about myself. What it does to my body is related to whether I would be social or hide in the house. It governed how I felt physically, my energy, aches and pains, stomach ailments and anxiety and depression level. Yet it was my safe place- where I sought comfort. I sought pleasure from food. I thought it made me feel loved. I never saw the bad effect this had on me. I never saw my relationship with it as completely unbalanced until I myself got in balance. Once I started to straighten out my life and have a healthy relationship with Spirit and with myself, food was no longer an issue. I didn’t need to “fill myself up” anymore. I have a very healthy relationship with food now. I never crave. I seek pleasure in yoga, meditation and healthy ways that put love in my heart. The love I have for myself and Spirit when I connect in a deep meditation fills me up far more than any other sustenance. Being in balance and connected to my creator satisfies the hunger I for years tried to deny and obtain alternately reflected by my bathroom scale.
I also sought pleasure in work. To an extreme that cloistered me from participating in life, as most obsessions do. Yes, work was my drug of choice for many years. The heady place of material and superficial accomplishments that drove my validation. People listened to me there and I was a top dog. It fed an abandoned little girls damaged ego with a validation never known before. But as with most illusions we seek pleasure from, there is no top and so we keep reaching for the tangible pay off that never comes. Like any drug, we need to do more and more grasping for a high that never quite satisfies. I was a driven workaholic. I was destined for crash and burn. But it wasn’t until the universe did just that, I saw the error of my ways, and the fake trophy I was addicted to.
So, what is your trophy? What is the false pleasure you seek that controls you? What are you grasping at? We all have these things... Sometimes they are a person. Escapes and refuge where we seek the unnamable drivers of our fate.
It is true, that these things can be healthy pursuits too. But they are only healthy when they do not control us. When we are in control and we are balanced, these become our choices not our dictates. They become things we feel good doing and happy about after we do them. They do not make us feel guilt or shame or sad. In balance these things become a way to love and honor ourselves not abuse and punish ourselves. There is a big difference between patiently choosing from want and desperately grasping out of need.
How do we stop seeking pleasure in unhealthy ways and seek pleasure in healthy places? We must visit with ourselves and have a long talk with our truth. What need is in us that we falsely believe will be filled by our grasping? Where is our hole? What is our void? What are we seeking?
That often means leaning in to a sharp edge and facing a weakness or something we don’t like about ourselves. Sometimes it means going back to a painful memory to see the origins of a void. For instance, I had to admit that I worked excessively to gain validation and feel worthy because of abandonment as a child. I ate food to feel comforted, it was how I “took care of myself”. I thought cooking a big meal was love! That is kind of pitiful when you think about it.
It takes bravery and valor to face our sharp edges. I promise though, it is no worse than what you have already done to yourself by allowing some unreal illusion to control you and be that which you are futilely trying to source your life from.
Once you find the hole, realize only you have the power to fill it and you must fill it with love. You must give yourself the love, the honor and the comfort that no one else can.
How do we do that? It all comes down to connection.
The reason we seek pleasure is because we are looking for a connection to make us feel full and happy and live. When we seek in unhealthy places or extremes, we often come up short because the place we have chosen to seek pleasure is false and not real. The only thing that is real is love. The purest form of that is connection to God, Spirit, our creator. Once we connect to that love and see yourself as his creation we experience an ultimate connection of unconditional love that finally satisfies us. Once experienced this allows us to begin to seek healthier connections and pleasures. Suddenly smoking, drinking, over eating and other unhealthy people and places hold less appeal. We begin to heal the voids, the holes that make us grasp for and be controlled by unhealthy pleasures. As we heal a new us is born, one who seeks balance and healthy pursuits based on our connection to God. When we connect to Spirit and stay in that connection we connect with ourselves and each other in a different healthier way. We are in balance. We are no longer seeking love. We are in love. We have become love.
That is our natural state and where we feel complete.
That is why, on this beautiful February day masses of people flock out to nature. Nature connects us to Spirit as we bask in his creation to feel renewed and hole. The sun loves us, as the earth and sky nurture us and the warm wind wraps us in its sweet embrace. A kiss from Gaia, our Mother Earth and all is right in the world. Our hearts feel full and our bellies are warmed as we seek healthy pleasure. In our natural place of love in the universe we feel good and satisfied. This is heaven!
Be careful where you choose to seek pleasure. Honor yourself as the beautiful creation of God that you are!
Peace and love, Georgia Rose
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose