SEASONS

Yesterday my clients home closing ended at 5:30pm and I wasn't brave enough to get on the State Pkwy at rush hour so I found myself cruising down the calmer Ocean Parkway home.  I noticed the sun light was somehow different and the air held a little chill, Autumn was pricking at the heels of our beautiful summer!  I became a bit wistful thinking Summer would be over soon as I past the signs for the cold beer at The Beach Hut.  I wasn't sure I enjoyed  my favorite season this year with the appreciation I should have.  
I thought about the last couple of summers before this one....partying with my social "posse" Friday nights full of good laughs and music and trips to Fire Island to hear live bands.  Staying out late for "open mike" nights and evenings dancing at local restaurants and gathered on the great lawns for outdoor concerts.  Sunday afternoons at an outdoor venue on the water or a band at one of the Beach Huts or a house party.  In recent years there were much festivities and hard playing.  Oh how we used to get the whole place going as the band played "Love Train" and we would start a parade train around the whole club or beach. We sure would get everybody up and dancing!
I felt a little sad I missed much of it.  The photos of all my friends activities on social media  kept me in touch but I was hardly ever there.  By choice, by no choice and from necessity.
The truth is ... The world was in summer, but I was in a different season.  I haven't reached the "summer" of my life yet.  I am finally past winter and I think I'm  in Spring!
You see, I had a really long winter..it was cold with loss and pain and the sting of icy emotions frozen in grief.  The last couple of years I think I was chipping away at the ice... slowly thawing, emerging, finding my Spirit, chiseling out the beautiful heart I had coldly numbed somewhere along the path of survival.
This year brought my Spring, I have been blooming and growing, ascending towards the light. My spirit  and heart are a garden rich and full of buds.  Each one a promise of great things. The potential to love deeper, taste sweeter, live fuller, see brighter.  But like any garden in Spring, mine needed tender care.  And so by choice and by necessity I stayed home in solitude, worked the soil, fed the roots, watered the blooms and nurtured my soul. I made sure I had plenty of light.
Summer was all around me but I was entrenched in Spring, a tender time needing precious care. I grew closer to myself and God.  I found my purpose.  And in finding that purpose I fell in love with life again and devoted myself to stoking the fire of my renewed passion.
 I spent my "Spring" building my spiritual business "Georgia Rose Connection", connecting with myself, new friends and clients. I have been building a brand like the The Girls Night INN and creating... healing my own wounds and others.
Through  my Reiki practice and workshops and messages from Spirit I am allowed to touch lives and I am touched too.  I feel so privileged that I am a conduit for the work of divine purpose, that I get to feel deep love in my life.  It's new and I am still exploring its essence and the energy of it.  It is in it's own infancy , it's own Spring.
And so I must stay with it , stay in spring, coaxing it to grow and thrive.  In doing so I have not yet reached my "Summer." This place is delicate, it does not allow me to share in summer this year, but there will be other Summers.
 I am a girl ( yes I still think of myself as a "girl") who loves the "rush" of a screaming guitar riff and a pounding drum solo, dancing to the band with abandon and the strong hugs  and shared smiles of friends when we are all in the groove on the dance floor.  I love the blue sky of the beach and sinking in the sand on a blanket full of belly laughter.  I love a "love train"!  I miss my friends. But they are all in summer and I'm  here in spring, the seasons of our lives are a chasm separating us.  It is the human condition to judge others when they act different from us. And so I feel them pulling away, moving along, forgetting me.
As they move away I am moving too. It's the flow of change that carries us. Allowing that surrender  has brought me to the Spring of my life!  Spring has taught me to accept that we don't grow jogging in place - we have to move...let things go..change the scenery,  be brave.
Sometimes for a moment, I wish I could reach over the seasons and feel the warmth of their summer but my place is here now dancing with Spirit.  The pull of my spring is too powerful to break away.  I am rooted to the soil of this Spring! Spirit wants me here in this space for a little while until I master it. And then He will give me something even more beautiful.   I know I will find my way  to summer eventually, and balance it all.  I trust true friends will still be there with warm hearts and arms outstretched for hugs, as I would be if they came to this season where I am.

For now my "rush" comes from seeing someone in my "Power of Wow!" workshop break through an emotional block they have had all their life and make huge life changes, or seeing a Reiki client have an experience on my table that gives them the courage to break an addiction.  When a client whose brother has (unknown to me) committed suicide and Spirit chooses to give a spirit communication through me, that feeling of giving  peace and healing to another soul is the most rewarding thingI have ever done.  Every day another amazing experience happens and I am blessed with love. Unbelievable love from Spirit and others.  And that  has becomes my focus. 
As with anything new I have to delve deep before I come up for air. Exploring every facet of it to make sure it's real. Especially with this ...something so intangible. I'm never satisfied for just a "taste" , I've always lived big, ardent, intensely, fiercely...I can't do it any other way.  My passion is a fierce and formidable driver. 
With the same deep lusty fervor I once dived into the summer parties in order to forget, I  now dive into the depth of my soul in order to remember. 
 I have missed my friends while I do my work and  although I envy their summer, I could not trade a single moment of my spring for it. To do so would be to slam the door on an opportunity offered to my soul.  An opportunity I have waited my whole life for but strangely did not know existed.  I am where I need to be, where I am supposed to be , in the here, in the now, feeling it fully, going deep not numb.

My numbing "winter" is over and I never thought it would be. It's summer distractions so fun and full and empty and bittersweet, kept me company so long and so well that at times they will still be needed even if not so often or so desperately.  The connections, the friends I met in those places will always be in my heart as people I genuinely love.  I have met knew friends our connections no less vital yet so very different. 
 And yet, I am so grateful for my spring that I feel guilty when I long for my own summer... but I can feel it coming... the hot tongue of its glowing heat is licking at my heels with beautiful promise as I master this present season of my life.  
​ It has been an often lonely time but  an amazing season.  A season which  in teaching me balance, has made me appreciate the unity of the "posse" , the tribe that I love and miss.  The seasons of our life are all about connections ... after all everybody needs... the occasional "Love train"...
Peace and love,
Georgia Rose