My loyal companion Sparky was sprawled heavily across my legs as I groggily came awake on this special Monday morning. As my eyes fight for focus I remember it's my birthday! "It's my birthday!" I squeal aloud. I'm not sure why I did that. There is no one here but me.
Then I understand that is exactly why I did that. I'm here. I'm me. I'm someone.
Hello party of one!
I was sad over the weekend. Missing so many people that have passed to the other side. My parents, friends, loved ones. My life is so different now than it was for most of it because of so much loss. Loss that is amplified on my birthday. I especially miss my Mother. As Molly Ringwald said in "Sixteen Candles" "parents live for this shit!" . So I sulked last Friday and Saturday about no presents and no ice cream cake and no surprises. When what I was really sad about was no parental hugs and no jokes from my Dad about my age and no best friends crack of dawn phone call and no plans to go out dancing. Many of my well wishers and party planners are not on earth anymore. So, Yes, this evolved intelligent woman indulged her ego and had a pity party for her birthday.
To make matters worse it was the first year in 3 that there was no boyfriend. I had a boyfriend on my last few birthdays. Ok , so what if it was. 3 different consecutive boyfriends - it beat being alone! Right? My birthday weekend tradition is a Sunday in the city at a museum after Saturday Night Dinner at Blackstones. Boyfriend usually sends the requisite flowers and produces neatly wrapped box with jewelry and everyone is happy, birthday completed. But this year there would be no flower truck arriving nor any Saturday night dinner at Blackstones, nor a day in NYC to distract me! It was depressing but, I managed to turn the pity party around with some help.
Over the weekend my friends did a wonderful job cheering me up and making me feel special. One night was filled with dancing and girlfriends and a big fat desert with candles. And another night was quietly spent next to someone special at a concert with nostalgic music from my youth . It all propelled me into gratitude. Today I felt good. I found out I didn't need a meaningless expensive dinner or a superficial boyfriend. I had better stuff.
It was my birthday. How shall I spend it? I decided to let the day flow and take me with it. The only thing I had to do was see an astrologer mid day in Cold Spring Harbor. I wanted to know what the energy for the year ahead would be for me astrologically. This person was new to me. He came highly recommended and was very hard to get an appointment with often booking months in advance. Yet when I called, before I gave him any info he strangely had only one opening ... a week away exactly on my birthday. It was then I knew divine orchestration was placing me to be in that place at that time. My intuition told me there was a reason. What I did not know was that it had nothing to do with the Astrology appointment.....
As I ate my Cheerios an idea popped into my head seemingly out of nowhere. I decided to leave early and take a ride in the convertible around my old stomping grounds before my appointment. I grew up right near there. Now, anyone who knows me would agree that me leaving early for anywhere was a crazy notion since I'm always late, but I did just that!
I got dressed with a strange excitement like I was embarking on an adventure. I pulled out of the driveway planning the route in my head. But halfway there a detour derailed me. Instead of going to the heart of Huntington directly, I found road work forcing me to take RTE135 up to Syosett and down Berry Hill Rd. to 25A and the long winding roads of my childhood. Talk about 'Jesus take the wheel'. I had no control over today as a higher power was obviously driving.
As soon as I made the right onto 25A memories flooded. I hadn't been up here in years, it was like seeing the back of your hand after misplacing it. Unreal. Every curve of the road, every tree was a part of me. I wouldn't have come this way if it wasn't for the detour. I looked to my left and there was the gorgeous blue water of Cold Spring Harbor peaking out through the orange and red autumn leafed trees. It was a brilliant day. My thoughts turned to my best friend Steve. My lifelong buddy, now passed over to another place. How many days in my 16th summer had we spent on these shores? How many days in our friendship of 32 years had we spent waterskiing and boating all over Long Island and the Caribbean. I could feel him, see him at 23, picture the shiny silver Laser 917 kit car he drove. I could feel my ass in his Recaro bucket seat as Stevie Nicks crooned Rhiannon from an 8 Track. I could smell the Herbal Essence shampoo in my strawberry blonde hair. I could hear his high pitched laughter as he told me about his latest get rich quick scheme. I could feel Steve with me.
My cars satellite radio started playing a Styxx song right at that moment. It was "our song". Unbelievable. I cranked up the volume as the sound from one of our favorites bands magically filled the car. I was thrown back even further in time as I heard the whine of the lasers engine cranking up a hill. But it was 2015. My hair bleached blonde from the fire island sun was slightly white at the temples and I was in the drivers seat of a black BMW. The face in the rear view mirror wasn't 16 it was slightly creased with the noble badges of honor from a woman who has truly lived.
Lost in such a vivid memory I forgot for a moment Steve was gone. But when I realized he was no longer here I just as quickly realized this drive, this place, this song was his way of saying happy birthday. All orchestrated in perfect timing from above.
I had a flash back of my 18th birthday dinner down the road at The Salty Dog. Today was way better!
I turned and followed an old favorite lane along the harbor. I forgot how beautiful it was here as every curve of the road turned up a nostalgic memory. The day seemed more real than most days. The air was so sweet and the colors of the water and the blue sky and the rich hues of autumn leaves all seemed so much more brilliant and heightened than I had ever seen them. I pulled over and took a photo trying to capture the essence of this moment. But no lens or shutter could capture this elusive vibrating source. It was as if the air tingled with energy, magical energy.
The time flew by and I had to rush to my appointment. For an hour I listened to the explanation of my planets and transits and phases for the next year but my mind was so filled with nostalgia I couldn't focus. I left the appointment and continued my birthday trek down memory lane.
I drove down the hill to Main Street and parked in the old familiar municipal lot. I walked through the shops in Cold Spring Harbor. Most were changed but just walking down those sidewalks was like pulling on a comfy old sweater. A few years ago when I came here I bolted, too many memories, too much pain. But today it felt good. I felt grateful for the warm memories and I felt my loved ones stronger without the pain of loss. It was a beautiful feeling and was teaching me about life, about myself. Acceptance. Time truly does heal. My heart felt strong not overwhelmed.
I liked this feeling. It gave me confidence. I got back in the car and drove east to Huntington Village.
Ah. Now here was the stomping ground of my youth. The stores, the bars, Hecksher Park, the Shore Theatre. The Rose and Thistle, Carringtons, the Artful Dodger, The Salty Dog and Images nightclub were long gone. But the souvlaki guy was still there AND of course Little Vincent's Pizza. My mouth watered as I parked at the curb.
Inside, the place hadn't changed much. Wow! It brought back late night memories. Admittedly, many I was a bit too impaired to remember. These booths held the dreams, the laughter, the tears of a clueless young girl in a leather jacket with big hair and a poofy mini skirt with pumps and white anklets. I was never quite sure what I was doing. But there were boys and music and parties and lots and lots of dancing! Oh and eyeliner...lots of eyeliner on some of the boys too..lol! It was a heady time. Whether because of the great music or the hole we cut in the earths ozone layer from all the aquanet hairspray we used I can't actually say. But a great heady time it was. Kind of fast and raw and indulgent and sexy. I'm still a sucker for a lean, long haired rocker in leather pants....
I find myself grinning like an idiot at that thought.
OMG! This was still the best pizza in the world. I sat in the corner booth in crispy hot slice glory. Simple things are the best! I thought about who I was then and what I am becoming now. I couldn't think of that confused wounded directionless wild beautiful disaster that was me and this current me without the validation of a higher source orchestrating my life. Nobody is so blessed and lucky to walk such a miraculous journey by chance. There has to be more to it than that. A God, a higher source, divinity something watching and leading. There is no way I did all this living and metamorphosis and walked through it on my own unscathed without some kind of invisible intervention.
I looked over at the window booth and saw myself sitting there at 19. The young me, vivacious, chatty and innocent hiding so much pain. So wounded by so many. Avoiding what was out of the bounds of a marginally digestible reality. Always one breath away from choking on the fear that consumed her. So filled with false bravado no one saw how scared she was for her unknown future.. Desperately wanting love but so betrayed by it. A mutable creature futilely seeking safety. I saw her look over at me and smile, the "full on" one that got her out of any jam. Her best quality. ...survival.
She got up and walked over to me. I looked up at her observing this familiar ethereal mass of my shadow. We embraced and she bent down and merged into me. I became one with myself and there was no fear. She finally found the safety she had been searching for, someone who would always take care of her and never let her down. It was me. It was WE. Suddenly I felt whole. I felt safe in every cell of my being. I was my own home. I had everything I needed inside of me.
I ate my pizza in silence. No one in the restaurant could have known the epic event that had just happened for me. I had come completely full circle. I had done what no other human could have done for me. I completed myself. Every facet of me, the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, the light and the dark was now fully merged into one being. The experiences that once brought pain, at some point had become the knowledge, wisdom and grace that are now my strength.
Today's trek down memory lane was synchronicity at its highest. I had to go back to know what I had become.
I felt like I was given a miracle. One I had worked really hard for but brought me beyond happiness. Here I was at Little Vincent's eating a slice that tasted like heaven and for the first time in my life everything just felt...RIGHT. I felt solid, confident, happy and relaxed. I was at peace. I was one with myself. I Am that I Am.
This party for one was the best birthday party of my life.
I finished my slice and walked out into the brilliant day. I thought about how my "little buddy" always believed in me. I heard Steves voice behind me saying as he always did " Georgia you are so great, you can do anything", even murmuring it to me on his death bed. This time I believed him. And somehow although he wasn't on the earth any longer I knew he was looking down on me probably pissed I didn't put meatballs on my slice.
On the way home I stopped at the old Rienwalds bakery and bought myself a cake. That evening at home in the golden glow of my birthday candles alone with a loving dog named Sparky I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
" It's my birthday!" I squealed to the empty room.
Because I'm somebody and I'm special.
Peace and love,
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose