It is miraculous and appropriate that today on April 5, 2014 I launch my new venture "Georgia Rose Connection" because since 2011 I celebrate April 5th as my "ReBirth day". Today's event is a mile stone in an incredible - often painful and sometimes joyful journey of my heart and soul. One baby step after another brought me here to this beautiful day. As my pen scratches across this paper I am grateful for my life. But it was not always so....
On April 5 2011 my life was an empty abyss. I was in despair and grief stricken beyond measure. In a short period of time I had buried my Mother and Father 6 months apart, I had battled breast cancer. My best friend of 35 years died of Lukemia and my husband had an affair with a neighbor and abandoned me. I was broken and bereft adrift on a sea of turmoil years in the making.. Completely hopeless, I believed God had forgotten about me.
When I woke up that morning in 2011 as soon as I opened my eyes I could feel a calm heaviness weighing down my body. My first thought was " I'm going to kill myself today". I knew it was true there was no arguing the fact. And I was strangely, very calm. The relief that washed over me was as though an agonizing decision has been made and I no longer had to think of it or the consequences of it ever again. The calm weight of my mind and limbs told me it was over, this life would bring me no harm anymore. As my pain kept edging me towards the sweet promise of oblivion I felt relieved that I would die and my suffering would end.
I had lost everything meaningful to me including my dignity. Each new day was 24 hours of torture as the minutes ticked by in slow motion and the grief ate me alive.
There are no words to describe the depth of my misery. You can't describe the dark relentless pain of "nothing" until you have lived in "nothing". Simply put, it hurt to breath.and I didn't want to breath anymore.
And so, there I found myself in my basement store room with a belt around my tired neck, ready to kick the chair out from under me. I wasn't scared. There was no room for fear or guilt, pain was taking up every space in my mind, body and soul. I thought of my Mom and I just wanted to feel her hand on my face and smell her and in my despair I reasoned she was within reach ... if I crossed over. Thwack! I kicked the chair out from under me. Yeah it hurt! Death came and hovered over me a cold mocking presence. And I heard my Mothers voice "It's a SIN you can't do this" and then oddly I hear my sister Laura in her firm no nonsense voice say "You will NOT do this"! And I start to pray as I felt my breath leave me and the pressure build at my throat.
Suddenly a flicker of desire licks at a heart so broken it barely has a pulse. Slowly the flicker gains flame and a desire for life washes over me with a rush as my feet begin to kick and reach for ground. Now panic sets in as I remember my niece, Laura's daughter is scheduled to give birth to twins as I am hanging here csrambling now to save myself.. Oh My God! No! Reason creeps in from some far away place and I realize I can't do this to my family. I somehow grab hold of the metal pipe over my head and swing my legs over to a work bench and I'm miraculously no longer choking. I get the belt from around my neck and I drop onto the cold cement floor sobbing and ashamed. I lay there alone for 4 hours. Sobbing, screaming, begging and bargaining and finally I begin healing. And when I get up I am reborn. It is a new day. I am back from the brink. It is my ReBirth Day.
That day I started my journey to a new life and a new me. I realized I had been living a life of expectations and obligations, of getting and collecting, of busy -ness and emptiness, of ego and entitlement ,of role playing and resentments. Basically a life of bull shit! Underneath it all there was a woman - a girl with a kind and beautifully generous heart who had never learned her worth or how to be heard. It was time I loved and honored that woman in me! I was going to have to start to build a whole new life from scratch and work through a lot of pain. I was not sure I even knew who or what my own identity was but I sure as hell owed it to myself to find out. As my shaky legs walked up the basement steps I realized it would be like learning how to walk all over again. Baby steps.
Determined I promised myself I would live my life from my heart, and be true to my authentic self. I threw my shattered illusions in the trash. I faced my personal truth on the floor of that basement store room and I knew the cost of living an unconscious life.
I was done with that life. Never again! From now on I was going to live from this tattered bleeding but still beating warriors heart and be true to myself.
My journey began in the months that followed I slowly started to find joy. Not in a new BMW or on a fancy vacation nor from a husbands kiss on the cheek. . But on a yoga mat, a lone walk on the beach, in a sunrise or a simple indulgence like ice cream. As my dog's fur brushed against my leg ...I would feel the flicker of happiness and glimpse a crack of light. These were the sensations of life. And I used those tiny cracks of light to see my path and guide my journey until the sun came out again and I could see a meaningful future sourced by nothing but the substance in my own heart.
When your heart is open God leads you where you are meant to be! I began to meet some amazing people who taught me about connections. Not the kind you make at a business networking group but soul connections. They gave me the inspiration and courage to connect with myself and with Spirit. And most important I met myself along the way and found an amazing woman in myself that I love.
It is my dream to help others on their journey and life path by sharing my experiences and lessons here in this Blog and at Georgia Rose Connection. I am passionate about building a community where awakened individuals can be inspired and empowered to live their best life and make the world a better place.
I came from the depths of misery to build a beautiful life. I hope my joy is contagious today as I celebrate my story. Today I celebrate the birth of Georgia Rose Connection.,the ReBirth of my Self and of course the beautiful twins that in part saved my life, Annabelle and Shea who turn 3 years old today, I am excited to see where this amazing journey takes me and I hope you will all come along for the ride! This blog is my tribute to my journey and my gift to all those on their own quest for authenticity. May my words inspire you to press on when you stumble. Because Spirit tells me the Best Is Yet To Come!
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose