I learned a very important lesson today. Today I learned about another facet of gratitude. We think of gratitude as an easy emotion, one that should bubble up from within effortlessly. But for some people authentic gratitude isn’t possible.
It was a sad lesson to learn. Or maybe sad is just one word, disappointment seems to be sandwiched in there. Yes, this lesson is sad and disappointing like most illusions are. I know broken illusions although painful, are the universe gifting us with an opportunity for a new reality but sometimes you need to shake your head clear before you can see that.
You see, my attitude is almost always based on gratitude and forward movement. Oh sure I stumble once in awhile and I may have a day of self pity after a particular nasty challenge but then I get up and I do. I create and conquer.
First off, because I love myself too much to stay down and be a victim. It’s boring and monotonous and I like adventure and building things. Second, if I stay a victim I’m in direct opposition to my nature and lifeblood, which is gratitude. So I self correct and can never stay down long. I want to be happy and in gratitude so I strive towards creation, future, movement joy. I can’t stay stuck , it goes against every cell in my body.
Some may read this and think oh lucky her she makes it sound easy!
Let me assure you my life has been anything but easy. Like many of you, I pulled my self up from horrific circumstances more than once in life. The fact is I fought so hard that I can’t go back to misery. I cherish my gratitude. I honor it as a living breathing thing because I had to fight so hard for it.
You can’t be miserable and feel grateful. And so I fight to keep my door closed against misery with all I’ve got, when it comes a knocking.
Today I learned misery has many forms. It does not have to be ugly or tragic. Sometimes it’s a friend you love, a heart you connect with, or family member you respect. Things start out great and your relationship is strong. Maybe they are a bit down on their luck so you extend a hand to help them up. It feels good to help and share with another. Maybe your paying it forward the way another once helped you. Your motives are pure you want nothing from them.
But then you hit a bump. They suspect your motives, after all, no one has ever been this kind to them before. You smooth things over, you work at the connection. But their doubts keep repeating, your motives questioned, their suspicions always aroused. They accuse you of not trusting them when nothing is farther from the truth. Finally, everything you say and do is twisted to suit their agenda to prove that you don’t trust them.
It’s sad. It’s frustrating. You begin to edit and censor your words, texts, emails, actions trying to prove your trust.
And then in a moment of clarity you see yourself in the mirror. And you realize you have broken your own rules. You are no longer free to be your authentic self..you are en edited sanitized version trying to keep balance where it is impossible. All for the sake of a connection, that suspects and accuses you regularly of ulterior motives.
You begin to see that other person is miserable. In their misery they can not trust, they have no gratitude for who you are to them . They simply don’t trust you. In fact they are afraid of you. Afraid you will disappoint them, afraid you will abandon them. And in that fear and misery and mistrust they end up driving you away.
And afterwards they are comfortable and more than relieved the connection is over because they get to be the victim. That is their starring role , they get to lick their wounds and it feels good to them. You are labeled a narcissist. Which makes sense only to them. They will cry and may even post a platitude about gratitude in their painful state. But the truth is not in their illusion but in your escape from it.
I know because I was them, Until I became me.
A me that knows you can’t be miserable and grateful. You can’t be a victim and a creator. You cant be powerful and powerless. You have to choose one. Strong people choose gratitude and powerfully co create with it.
Others stay in misery and can not truly feel gratitude. They become powerless over their lack. They blame everyone else for their situations and can’t seem to break out of cycles. Their energy is misspent on being miserable. My heart goes out to those people as I said I was them once. It a very painful and unconscious way to live. But we can’t hold on to a connection where we must fight for our trustworthiness to be recognized. We can’t be part of a manipulation that destroys our authenticity. We can’t allow another to steal our gratitude. We can only hope it finds them wherever they are as we send it their way without playing their game.
Yes today I learned to be steadfast in my truth. To Hold tight to my sincerity, even when I am misjudged. Today I learned sometimes harsh words are true words and that your soul grows bold when it speaks them. I learned that your light grows brighter when you are saving yourself. And that sometimes helping yourself before another is the right thing to do. You will know ...today I swear I heard the angels clapping! peace and love Georgia Rose
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose