My eyes opened slowly and I could feel the heaviness in my chest. So different than the day before when I awoke with warm flushed cheeks and a silky smile across my face. Yesterday my limbs felt relaxed as I stretched like a lazy cat and greeted my day with excitement. Today my body felt tense and my lower chakras hurt upon awakening. My heart squeezed against some age old threat and my jaw was clenched. I didn’t want to get out from under the covers. Slow hot tears dripped from my eyes and into my ears as I lay on my back doing my morning body scan. Shit, my heart hurt.
What a difference a day makes. Why? Could it just be my old watery Scorpio moons response to the position of the planets today? Could it be the grief that always licks at me because I have lost so many and so much? Was it the loneliness of a holiday weekend with no family around? Or the recent falling out with a significant friend?
As I am doing my body scan I can feel that spot on my heart, it’s the newest dark crinkle, the place his absence is felt. It feels like that time when I was 9 and all the neighborhood kids flat left me in the middle of a game of tag to go in Mary Cappiello’s built in pool. They thought it was a funny prank but my heart hurt and I felt “thrown” by it as I stood on my lawn trying to understand they had a better place to be. Even later when I joined them in the pool and we all laughed about their joke I still felt left mid game, excluded and missing something unfinished and some place where I was meant to be.
Maybe that was this heaviness- I didn’t feel I had anyplace I was meant to be. Whether its cause is the Pisces moon or Mars retrograde or my losses new or old the notion was indeed silly. Your are not the type to stand at the curb , you are much to precious. C’mon girl, get up! There are many places I belong. I finished my body scan past my heart up to my crown and over my beautiful star chakra and realized it was time to turn my own car around. I needed to connect.
I threw my legs over the bed brushed my teeth and pulled my hair into a pony. I slid an old pair of faded jeans past my hips and pulled a T shirt over my head. Barefoot and braless I found my sneakers in the living room and picked Sparky’s leash up off the table. As my feet found their way into my shoes I clipped the leash onto Sparky’s collar. He bounded out the door with me in tow, dragging me out into the bright sunshine. Just like that I was off to the park with my furry savior. As he pulled me down the block and into gratitude I praised God for creating him and for bringing us together.
I slowly banished the heaviness. It wasn’t as hard as times past. It would never be that hard again. I lived through pain to create my own joy. I learned the antidotes for my poison. I now know how to flush the toxins and silence the demons. It’s actually very simple. When you are heavy and slow raise your vibration. Connect. Find love. Be love.
I knew I would find love in the beautiful sun above me, the bright light generously created to illuminate my life and my thoughts. As I walk, I imagined the crown of my head opening to absorb its knowledge and wisdom. I watched the trees on my street sway in the wind and I open my body to receive their life force. I absorb it to teach me to bend and sway and courageously turn my face to every force that could otherwise be resisted and find the gift in its stirrings. I notice dead branches on some trees and vow not to be as extreme and rigid as to close myself off from the nourishing light and rain of love washes that Spirit gives on our journey even when they are intimidating.
We cross Main St against the bustle of holiday traffic and I wonder why everyone is in a hurry on a holiday. By now Sparky is not pulling me but walking along side me with a happy doggy smile. I can feel his heart connected to mine… just the two of us side by side. As we enter the park I see an older couple, she with a walker strolling along. Her husband is patient. I feel their bond as Sparky and I step past them. It is an old one. They will care for each other until they transition to another dimension. I honor that and praise God for giving them a beautiful lifelong gift. The lack of any constant in my life is the gift that shows me the rare beauty of it in theirs. It must be amazing to have someone who stays. I don’t know what that feels like but I know love and so, I smile and absorb their love as I walk by. I breathe in their energy with the intention of stability for my life.
I stop for a bit and rest on my favorite bench to stare out at the lake as Sparky and I enjoy our time together. The swans are so graceful and serene I focus on their energy. I bring it to me, through my skin and into my cells I imagine it floating through me becoming a part of me so I can float through life like they do, eternally calm on peaceful waters.
We resume our walk and further down the path I find myself walking a few paces behind a young couple obviously in love. They walk slowly hand in hand occasionally gazing at each other. They are oblivious to their surroundings and don’t notice Sparky and I behind them. I can feel their energy hot and burning. The quickening of their hearts and the rising tide of their passions are ignited like a spark. Like two fireflies giving off light they are carefree and alive. Their souls are so young and full of beautiful promise. Their love is so bright I can almost see little light beams flashing between them. As I walk around the lake behind them I focus on their hands, particularly their finger tips touching. I use this point of connection between them as a contact of energy for myself and allow its white light to shoot into my lower chakras like Luke Skywalker’s light saber. I absorb the love and passion and as I do I set an intention that I may share the joyful, passionate anticipation of love in my life with another soon.
It crosses my mind that I no longer am saddened or threatened by love as I used to be. I no longer live in the pain from my past or carry the deprivation that is there. I do not hold its lack and occurrences like the stones used to build up my wall. The restrictions of my past no longer contain me and cheat me out of my present. I have torn down the walls. I build no fences. Like the trees that sway in all Gaia’s gifts I partake of all opportunities for they are gifts, not to be taken lightly.
I have lived and learned. I know we must go towards the light to banish the dark. Sometimes that means being somewhere prickly and even when skittish turning our face to the wind to ride its current. Only then are we free. I think I’m finally free.
I walk further down the path, past the young lovers who stopped to steal kisses against a tree. A rather unkempt young man leaning against a bicycle is slowly walking along and as I pass he starts talking to me about the weather. He stops and figits in his back pack. I realize he needs connection so I stop and talk to him. I am not afraid of him. I realize he is dis- ease. I look around at the trees swaying and the current on the water and the graceful swans and the bright sunshine and I take in all its creation and the energy its love and the source of Creation that made it all. I use it all to ignite my own prana, life force and I silently send him healing from the universe. He pulls a can of Budweiser out of his back pack and drinks from it as we talk about the air show out at Jones Beach. I look in his eyes and I can feel the sorrow that is the root of his pain, I know it all too well. His phone rings and he answers impatiently “Dude, where the hell are you”, and he is lost on a mission. .. I walk away. I look back and send healing and pray he gains the courage to not cop the heroin from the “dude” on the phone. And I ask God to send him a savior, a teacher, a light for his darkness. The pain of my life could have easily made me him were it not for my own Godly inspired courage and valor.
I keep walking and Sparky and I take another rest at the bridge on the north side of the lake. It is here where the wind is strongest. I laugh at the way Sparky looks when his fur blows back from his face. I relish a moment when only an hour ago laughter was a distant grasp. I let the wind blow through me cleansing me and all my troubles. I think of it as 1000 Angels and Light Beings flowing through me. I let them enter my body with arms akimbo and my face turned towards Father Sun. I hold them inside for a minute and then I let them all pass through me out of my back body as I send them and their healing to the world seasoned with my own love wash. I take all this beautiful love and I give it away.
Because I think there are many who need the love and healing of the Multiiverse much more than I.
Sparky and I turn and head for home, where I will make the bed that I used to have a hard time getting out of. Sure we all have our ups and downs but they aren’t so bad if you accept them with an open heart. Let love in wherever Spirit chooses to gift it to you and you will find the miracle of who you are meant to be. I am no longer a restricted soul in love with suffering and deprived of love by my fears. Now I am gratefully a free Spirit in love with love.
Peace and Love,
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose