There is a rosy fingered dawn spreading pink streaks across the sky. It's brilliant colors sweep away my sleep and alert me to silent beauty. It's a bit crisp at 5:30 in the morning as the cold wood of the carved bear bench steals through my pajamas but I find warmth as I burrow into my sweater. The glow of the sunrise wraps around me bringing a story, an enlightenment of sorts. The familiar vibrations begin in my fingers, I understand this is Spirits way to tell me I will write about these moments later.
He has awakened me from my peaceful Saturday morning "sleeping in" slumber at this early hour because I have work to do. The universe is calling me..it doesn't care about time or sleep. Mother earth wants me fully present on this whimsical bench, on my porch, at 5:30 in the morning to watch the sunrise for a reason. All I have to do is sit here and breathe and it comes.... the gift of wisdom, the joy of connection, the bliss of being.
My breathe connects to the world and I am one with all under a breathtaking sky as my heart soars with love. Just a girl in her pajamas sitting on her porch...in love with the universe. Thanks Spirit, 5:30 am can be pretty cool... thoughts come... He shows me the message, gives me the words...
For those of us who rise to see them they are more than symbolic. They open windows, scenes from our lives where we witness teachings that heal us. God's gift of pure light to show us..
This sunrise opens a scene from last Sunday. I am standing on the stern of a big boat as it bobs at safe harbor. I gleefully pop the cork on Champagne as my friends and I toast to love. I feel each one of their hearts soar as my own rises like a sunrise against a pale grey sky. These people are love, I am love and I finally have love in my life. It was hard to create this life and face all those fears. I scraped the bottom of my soul and released everything and everyone who held me no good. Purging is always a white knuckle affair, as the universe strips away all you think you can't live without. Eventually you discover claw marks bleeding in the flesh of your illusions and with aching hands you admit how silly you are to hold on to what was never real. You surrender your palms open then and you let it all fly away.
It is there that we get stuck and hide in a new kind of limbo. In the space between letting it all go and reaching for something new we find ourselves toying with an endless parade of "maybe's". Maybe is that indecisive abyss where nothing motivates us to actually reach for it. Its grey and cold and lonely. I lived in "maybe" for 5 years. Wondering...am I capable of a life partnership? Will I ever be able to fall in love?
Those questions hurt to ponder so in my quest for comfort I reached for love where I felt safe to begin my process of healing. First I got some really good girlfriends..the ride or die kind. I surrounded myself with amazing friends who love me and who I love dearly. Once I felt love I started to give it in a bigger way. I began to work with cancer survivors and give healing. This opened my heart in a deep more substantial way. It taught me to feel love and give it as well as receive it on an unconditional level. It taught me a lot about the vibration of love. And it not only showed me I am capable of healthy relationships but it raised me up. This started to take me out of the "maybe" consciousness and give me hope which inspired me to reach for more love and give more love.
But of course deep friendships and healing work while beautiful are not the same as the intimacy of a life partner. That kind of love is the scariest and most vulnerable and the one we often deny ourselves even as we search for it. The ups and downs of that, the disappointments and heartbreak of it are all because we are more committed to our "maybe state" than actually allowing love and its risks in our lives. Our truth is distorted as we delay the reward of love in our denial of it. For a long time I stayed in a comfortable darkness dipping my toes in the light...little by little.
Just like the way this mornings dawn slowly breaks the darkness of the sky with its pink and orange streaks. I imagine each one is a spark of love, a lick of fire lighting the day with warmth and igniting a beautiful opportunity for love to heal us . As the sun rises the day ... so love rises our hearts.
That beautiful Sunday on the boat with my friends, the people I love so fiercely was almost surreal. I look back on the last 5 years, the beginning of which I spent down a rabbit hole too shy and bruised to reach for anything or anyone. Now my life overflows with love and it pours from me like an endless river.
Christian, my partner says I just needed someone to have patience with me, but I think it is a miracle that, Yes, I am capable of love. We ALL are! That is the miracle in all of us. If we allow it.
Sitting her the chill air has grown warm and the sun hurts my eyes now as it reaches higher and glows brighter. I realize Christian and I have not "fallen" in love, we have "risen" to love. We are not a sunset but a sunrise. Day by day giving love with no expectations just being present, no "maybe's" just what is. I realize being fully present in love is the antidote to my old state of "maybe". This realization ends a karmic cycle for me, I now know we all do things we never dreamed we could. My world is now open to this expansion of thought.
Spirit woke me up at 5:30 on Saturday to see this gift. The sunrise and the wisdom. I joyfully lick the tears that have rolled down to my lips and find their salt tastes sweet as I swallow their kiss upon my soul.
Eventually what is in the dark comes to light... and I am grateful.. Spirit allows me the courage to face my fear and I am rewarded
for it. I have stopped blocking love and denying its essence from my life. Don't deny love ...reach for it with electric fingertips and a bursting heart, hold it's beat within your breast and then set it free and give it back to everything you touch! Suddenly your pain fades and your darkness grows light. And what was bitter is made sweet. All because Love is the answer...
Peace and love,
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose