Below is a preview from my forthcoming book.
THE CANCER MESSAGES by Georgia Rose
My beloved Aunt Loretta was like a second Mother to me and my siblings. She lived with us our whole life. “Aunty” read to us and taught us about the literary classics and all kinds of sophisticated and grown up things. She read me Aesop’s fables and took us to Broadway shows and helped us with our math homework.
She was a kind soul who often when out of her way to help others but suffered from much anxiety and so was not very good at helping herself. Her nervous condition limited her and manifested in many ways throughout her life. One of which was, she never became the published writer she wanted to be and in fact many things started during her lifetime were sadly never completed. That happens to many of us who find ourselves anxious and living in fear. Fear of life, fear of the freedom we crave, fear of success and fear of failure leaves us in a self-imposed prison where we are often too paralyzed to do anything with our life.
Growing up I had many fears and anxiety much like Aunty. I am afraid that when Aunty got cancer the me I always saw in her was suddenly hopeless and too much to examine.
I remember the exact moment I knew she was dying. My sister and I had been taking turns driving her to treatment for her cancer. On one of the days when it was my turn to chauffeur Aunty, afterwards I asked if she would like to stop for a bite to eat. She perked up at the idea and we stopped in to her favorite Pancake Cottage. She ordered her favorite pancakes and coffee.
We sat eating, chatting in quiet tones, she had lost a lot of weight and was very weary and sick. She took a sip of her coffee and it came out of her nose. Then more fluid came flowing out. There was all this grey matter that just kept running out of her nose and she kept trying to wipe it away and it was all just so bizarre. I stared speechless and her hazel grey eyes met mine with the most helpless look I had ever seen on another human being in my life. In that instance, I knew her body was betraying her, shutting down against her will and against my will too. The universe was screaming, it didn’t matter what anyone of us on this earth wanted. She was dying.
I sat in this innocuous diner having a life altering moment that stopped me in my tracks, yet all around me life kept moving as though it was nothing. I looked into those helpless grey eyes so filled with fear, and they mirrored all the emotions I felt. Our eyes clicked with the prick of electricity and sensations of lightning awareness flashed between she and I. As the chasm of space between life and death closed it was way too real. My emotions overwhelmed me and so I did what I was taught – I hid them for her sake. And maybe for my sake too because I was so very afraid.
I clicked into detachment and I pretended none of it was happening. But it was happening – unfortunately.
Aunty ended up in the hospital a few days later and things happened very quickly and pretty much without me after that.
I couldn’t bear the thought that I would end up like her. That the me I always saw in her would die incomplete, unhappy, unfulfilled. It ate my insides out. I had so much fear and anxiety in my own life that I would end up like Aunty. With not much of her own except the stories in books and her own unlived dreams, her was a sad life.
After that day at the pancake cottage I didn’t help much with her care. Once she was in the hospital actively dying I went to visit her and upon seeing all the tubes and my mother crying by the bed I left.
I walked down the hall and made a conscious decision to never go back. I told everyone that I didn’t want to see her that way and I would remember our precious Aunt in other ways.
The truth was I was a coward. I wasn’t there for my Mom in her sorrow. I wasn’t there for my siblings in their time of loss. Nor did I allow anyone to comfort me in my despair. I “didn’t get it”. I ran away and detached from it all. I buried my fear and grief. I didn’t tell anyone how I felt and didn’t ask anyone how they were feeling either.
I was terrified of cancer, of death and worse of living an unfulfilled life. I never grieved Aunty. Cancer took her life and my courage with it. But even as it did this, it taught me still. Yes, cancer once again taught me well.
Through my detachment I still felt strongly that I wanted to honor Aunties life in some way by finishing a dream of my own. It was the only way I could give myself hope and worthiness. If I could complete something it would break the cycle of fear and incompletion and loss.
When Aunty was dying I was attending classes to get my real estate license. This had been a dream for a long time and I was determined to stick it out and pass the licensing exam. Coincidentally a few days after Aunties death I took the test and passed. I got my license, on January 22. 1995 and that day I dedicated my career to Aunty. I had finished something in honor of all the things she couldn’t finish. For her, I would be a success and show the world that little girls who grew up abandoned by their fathers, too anxious and scared to live normal lives and chase their dreams, could flourish and be worthy of more.
I did this privately and never told a soul. Often during a disappointment or career slump I would go back to my original vow and it would pull me through. Thinking of Aunty and my promise to her to succeed would spur me on.
Cancer taught me it is a thief in the night, a dream robber, a succubus. But it doesn’t have to be if we pick up another’s torch and honor what it stands for. Then cancer doesn’t snuff it all out. Instead a seed grows for something greater in another heart when it picks up the torch left behind by the soul who carried it before.
The last time I saw my Aunt alive she was in the hospital intubated, unable to speak but awake. Her familiar grey eyes told me more than I wanted to know as I sat by her bed. We communicated with no words that day. I sat silently by her bed for a long time. Finally, after a while I hung my head and closed my eyes as sadness overtook me. I felt ashamed because I knew I wasn’t coming back. It was too much for me. When I looked up at Aunty tears were rolling down her face. I couldn’t come back. She knew and understood what I was feeling. I felt her heart speak to mine then and I was filled with love and forgiveness.
Cancer had ravaged her body but we both connected on another dimension. I felt her thoughts and she mine as we sat there. Cancer was once again bridging the realms for me. The dis ease the harbinger of transformation has a divine nature. It is a corridor that somehow connects us to joy and suffering and GOD. The mystery of creation and death solved when it is understood the two are unified. Polarity in its purest form. A conjunction of beginning and end vying for the same space.
Sometimes after Aunt’s death I would feel her or dream of her. It would frighten me. Before I was spiritual enough to understand it would give me chills and I would run to turn on the lights. But as years past, and I opened myself to study the higher self and universal energy, I came to understand the truth about those sensations. I now find comfort in the presence of past loved ones. Love is limitless, and we can feel it across the realms.
It was my experiences once opened to energy that made me realize our ability to communicate with our minds as Aunty and I did that day in her hospital room. I now have enjoyed that experience with many.
Years after Aunt’s death she would teach me a very significant lesson about how our loved one’s can reach out to show us their presence.
One holiday I was attending a family dinner at my sister Laura’s house. Laura is not a believer in energy transcending realms or anything “unseen” and much of it makes her uncomfortable. By this time, I was not only open to energy but was a Healer and doing readings and spirit communication professionally. This had become the main source of love and joy in my life. Working in the Spirit realms and feeling our Creators presence brought me alignment with my purpose. But I had some doubt about pursuing it further and still had a corporate world job and “normal” life. At times I would wonder how I could ever Segway into my spiritual work full time. I had much self-doubt that would ever be a reality, as much as I loved the idea.
However, I did not speak of these things around my sister and sort of just avoided all things spiritual when around the family. I was usually quite careful to sensor myself and I never wore crystals when attending family gatherings. But for some reason that day at my sister’s holiday dinner I wore a beautiful quartz crystal pendant. Sure, enough she remarked on it!
“Oh No”, I thought here it comes an afternoon of comments and side glances but instead she complimented it and then dismissed it. “Hmm”, now that was very strange. My sister was never supportive and barely ever non chalant about these things.
During desert I noticed Laura’s absence. Now this was totally out of character. You see, my sister is an expert baker and prepares deserts for weeks before the holidays. Desert is the highpoint of the year at her home! There is no way she would not be at the table during desert. It was just plain weird.
Before long she came back to the dining room carrying a small red pouch. “I think you should have these”, she said and handed them to me. I opened the pouch and inside were 4 beautiful crystals - a clear quartz entwined with silver dolphins, a chakra crystal, an amethyst pendant and a jade stone. As I finger them in my hand, puzzled, Laura said “They were Aunt’s” . “Aunty’s” I exclaimed, “I never saw these, but how”!
“Right before she died, she used to go to this spiritual shop in the village and buy stuff. Yeah, she got real spiritual and stuff then”, Laura said, very matter of fact, as though it was common family knowledge. Which let me assure you it was not.
I held the treasures and tears sprang to me eyes as I felt Aunty in a rush. I saw those beautiful hazel eyes, the helpless eyes that met mine that day at the pancake cottage and the knowing eyes so filled with love that day of our final visit in the hospital before she died. I never knew she sought solace in Spirit in things that are unseen, connecting with crystals and energy. As a silly selfish girl afraid of death, I ran away from Aunty’s final days. I missed out on what could have been a loving connection to Spirit years before I finally found my own way to Him.
Finally, I reasoned I wasn’t meant to have that lesson and connection with Aunty back then. I would not have understood it. I was meant to learn about transition and crystals much later. It was all priming me for this more meaningful moment.
When Aunty died I tried to find solace and solutions in the physical world. I did not know any other way. I used the physical world to honor a woman whose life was filled with “I cant’s” with an “I will”. I dedicated a successful Real Estate career in the 3D world to her and succeeded. It was my way of finding reconciliation with her death.
Aunty’s cancer, her death, in effect gave me a career. Yes, the divine disease that takes so much gave me the inspiration to make something of my life. By turning my fear and loss into a productive and honorable outlet I thrived on the physical plane of this world. I used that platform to serve many and as my soul developed it became a vehicle for me to give back to my community and grow the foundation of my altruistic nature.
Now, 22 years later my soul was at a cross roads. I was trying to leave behind my physical career for one that communed with Spirit in the nonphysical world. Unsure of my path and filled with self-doubt a sign had come from beyond. As I sat was holding the mysterious crystals hat belonged to the woman who had inspired my career path 22 years ago. The beautiful Aunt I had honored by completing a dream was sending me a message to complete yet another dream, inspiring me further in my divine purpose. Aunty’s love and faith in me was bridging the realms with a divine gift that anchored me in the limitless and unconditional love of God. It was a strong reminder that we can turn our cants into cans and that we are all beautiful, strong and invincible.
I realized cancer teaches us our greatest strengths and even those it consumes on this earth, live on to become invincible teaching us for eternity.
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose