The Angels of 2014 - My "Teachers"
The hour glass of my life grows bottom heavy, making each year that passes more precious and bitter sweet than the last. Every grain of sand that spills is a milestone, an opportunity missed or seized. The top of the glass grows frighteningly empty but a closer look reveals its treasure. Gone is the sand... Gone are my precious years but in their place is the wisdom of each grain and each day. Stacked in invisible glory, marking my life far better than virgin sand, are the gritty lessons of this lifetime well lived. Silly old time, alone you're meaningless anyway. It's what we do with you that is the currency of eternity.
Yes my life is well lived not by luxury and privilege, but by Carpe Diem, self scrutiny and personal truth even when it leaves a harsh imprint. I've learned to love praise and criticism equally because within both is the wisdom that tops my hour glass and drives me. Those truths shows me what is good and not good, and gives me the experience to discern the "take away" from the "leave behind". Every grain of sand is time orchestrated by Angels and each moment is a mirror. After all what is "life" if we don't observe ourselves in every moment, striving for a better way, a better "me" , a better world for each other...
I thank my angels for this lifetime although, at times it has been rough. My greatest blessing is that self pity and despair never took up residence overly long. My heart wants to sing and my eyes want to twinkle and my legs want to dance. And even when earth bound circumstances lived are sometimes tragic and repulsive the "take away " is always so exquisite and tenderly beautiful. It is by Thy grace that I have learned to find beauty in the most horrific things and use that healing energy to source me....to forward rise. There lies the true meaning of my life and I hope a courageous legacy.
One does not accomplish this alone it takes great "teachers" sent by Spirit, orchestrated through Angels. As we connect and crisscross lifetimes in triumph and tragedy we are all each other's teachers. Weaving cords of serendipity that attach us to each other with lessons learned and unlearned, completed or repeated...I like to think of my teachers as my earthly Angels.
In 2014 ...I received amazing gifts from these people... my Earth Angels. My heart is filled with gratitude for all of you.
Ron, my colleague taught me the value of loyalty through is dependable nature in the midst of chaos.. Liz and Tom showed me you can call for " help" and that your sincere friends will answer, when you're awfully sick! Damaris taught me friendship grows down a winding road of wiped tears and shared laughter ,of frustration and nurturing, but it is always love that fertilizes it. George taught me friendship doesn't have to be loud but can flourish inside of a quiet dignity. Margaret taught me that time often gives false security in its lengthy connections and sometimes the strongest lifelines break and you have to be your own best friend because everything has a season. I now can be grateful for "the season" and let go. Kathryn in her death taught me that sometimes a legacy can be created with an army of solders that stretch across the ethers but brings us together here. I learned that a souls light work does not cease with the death of a human form. Steve taught me how to spy a wolf in sheep's clothing and that true discernment doesn't come from looking at another but at yourself. I now listen to my dashboard, if the check engine light is on I stop to refuel and never let anyone dim my light! I learned the importance of surrounding myself with affirming people. Al the Shaman taught me to travel without leaving my chair. I learned to find the mystic in the most unpredictable places and how to "see" beauty others miss. Annie with her cherubic sparkle was a looking glass where I found my own family healing through her parallel experience. Tim taught me how beautiful communication can be when two people "get" each other . And that I can "trust fall" into a mans strong arms and survive even if their "catch" breaks.... because through my disappointment emerges a more mature heart.... One that knows people are either enslaved or free but always basically good and that ...even the best men sometimes break promises. I learned the best promises kept are the ones we make to ourselves. Louann taught me transformation is possible with the power of intention as I watched her manifest life change in miraculous ways. Addie my beautiful flower child, gave me hope through the optimism of youth and taught me resiliency and trust and connected me with Spirit through Art....what an amazing gift!. Karen J brought laughter back to me with her beautiful raucous abandon and the wild light in her eyes. And sweet Kirsten taught me respect for animals as I have watched her dedicate her beautiful light work to saving countless furred ones. I was blessed to share Munay Ki with Thelma as she opened us to a new way , the beauty way of the world and taught me new found respect for the universe, Mother Earth and Father Sun. Gregg taught me geographical distance does not matter when a true spiritual connection exists. I learned the infrequency of shared moments does not lessen their significance. True friends pick up where they leave off regardless of time or distance. And beautiful Kaytee whose smile lights up the room has taught me patience, sometimes I swear I see her wings flutter...by listening to her stories of life I know miracles happen every day. Janet showed me how one souls death can link many in life through a common grief and that it brings healing and solace. I learned hearts that are alike find each other sometimes orchestrated by those no longer here. Gil taught me to feel the vibrations of the universe and to use its unifying pulse to calm my chaos. I am now more grounded. And Linda D taught me you can find beautiful souls in the most unexpected places, so always be on the look out. Joe taught me there is still magic in the world...through music but most of all through his kind yet weary heart. Because even though its a heart that's been sewn together like a well worn teddy bear... It still gives much more and loves harder than anyone I know! His bravery inspires me. And Carol my newest Angel thank you for teaching me that serendipity connects those of us who are meant to meet... so always ...believe.
Thank you my beautiful earthly "teachers" of 2014, for sharing and loving and walking with me for awhile. Whether through pain or joy I am grateful for the lessons you brought me. Whatever the circumstance of our crossing my "take away" has been more than my " leave behind". Each one of you has given me a perfectly wrapped gift that contributes to my ascension. I am such a lucky woman! You made it an awesome year of growth,!
I wish you all
There is music in the air! Can you hear it? Christmas time has its own songs that bring on a sweet feeling of the season. Whether it's carolers in the street, children's concerts, seasonal shows or the selections of our many party hosts we are exposed to more music this time of year than any other. Even radio stations count down the hits and drag out the "basement tapes" for added nostalgia. This background of beautiful melody adds to the enchantment and joy of the holidays. Quite simply ... It wouldn't be Christmas without music! For me it wouldn't be life without music!
Music is an essential part of my life. I use it to change my moods, tell people my feelings and Spirit often speaks to me through song. I often wake up with a tune in my head put there by "Spirit Radio" . Yes God is my DJ, inspiring me and teaching me through lyric and melody. I especially love Him for that. It is a beautiful way to learn. He always puts the tune in my head that brings harmony and clarity to particular moments .
When you think of the "One" a divine Source that created every note, every string, every octave of every song since the universe began it’s almost too much to comprehend how beautiful and infinite that energy must be. It almost brings tears to my eyes.
There are so many beautiful scores. It would be impossible to truly hear music and not channel Spirit. Whether it’s a brilliant pounding heavy metal outlet, a soft meditation flute, an emotional Aria, stirring love song, patriotic tribute or catchy pop tune we feel it in our heart and soul. It brings us together, creates a vibe, calms us, excites us, and makes us feel raw, truthful, distracted, comfortable, powerful, weak.....but always ALIVE! There is no doubt music moves "us". That stirring is God. That space where music touches us is the place where God put his finger of love and creativity when he created us.
Sometimes I can hear Angels singing in my mind. But it's not loud. I think when we cross over it gets louder. It's too beautiful to be heard on the earth plane. Can you imagine how beautiful that must be? I often think, we have such beautiful music here on earth what must it be like in Heaven in the Spirit realm.... Wow! Something to look forward to I guess.
Maybe there is a Spirit band. With Barbara Streisand and Elvis and Kurt Cobain and John Lennon and Michael Jackson and Frank Sinatra and George Harrison and Jim Croce and Bing Crosby and Judy Garland and Jim Morrison and Louise Armstrong and Stevie Ray Vaughn and Mozart and Chopin. Perfectly inspired harmony. Too much to ponder but something I can't wait to hear!
For now I try to be content with the eclectic list on my IPod. But I never am and so the downloads grow daily. My added selections are a random mixture of whatever calls to me and stirs my blood. There is always a longing in my soul for more beats, more enchantments. The power of sound calls to take me away to wherever my mood wants to go and I cannot deny such beauty there for the taking. Especially when I tunes, you tube, I heart radio and Pandora are on every corner selling the vibrations that keep me alive..
Yes I admit it I am a music addict! I suck the life out of every song with repeated plays and use it to feed my lyrical addiction. It is my sweet drug of choice. Its heavy metal entertains my dark side while its bubbly pop soothes my light side. Each starkly different Genre takes me on a different type of high. The lilting gong of mediation chants deepen my yoga practice, the soulful slow jams of Usher and Luther awaken my earthy vibe, Motown makes me sway and “poppy” tunes from Beyonce’ and Taylor Swift and Nikki Minag get me up dancing. The powerful clear voice of Josh Groban often bring tears reminding me of childhood churches and Mom, while Eminem helps me blow off steam and Scorpion’s operatic writhing rock makes me believe “there’s no one like you” and John Legend’s piano and crisp lyrics bring me to the simplicity of loving. The journey, the list, the possibility of new harmony is endless and a siren to my passionate seeking heart!
I seek companions that share my addiction as we stay up late in the night in some divvy bars sharing the sounds of the unbelievably Spirit inspired talent. I love to learn from others who share my craving and understand my need. Those who know obscurities I've missed along the artistic road are my favorite musical teachers. They introduce me to hidden treasures I never knew, luring me to new heights. From morning to night I crave melody, meandering through my days with slow jams, angelic hymns, writhing drums, screaming guitars or inspiring waves of song. It is absolutely blood stirringly beautiful! An addiction Spirit wants us all to have.
I can't imagine life without music. I can't go long without filling my veins with a live performance either. It’s like denying my breath. I can feel the longing building in my roots, rising up slowly until it reaches my core and I have to bust out and find a band. I hunger for that chill, the suspended moment when a voice hits "the note" or an instrument makes a sound it was divinely made to play! I lust for those beautifully woven seconds when the band grooves perfectly and that suspension of time is only broken by sheer pure "magic". I can feel it through my body then. I am vibrating like one of the instruments being played riding the crescendo… completely one with the rhythm, my body is in harmony with the band, woven into the song as its notes take me rising inside the music higher and higher until it seeps into every cell and I explode in musical orgasm. I’m satisfied then, I got what I came for, pure joy, union, divine beauty, and magic! I am happy. My mind screams do it again…. I am a music addict!
Music. It’s all magic to me. It changes everything, it can make anything better. Life better. It makes the unendurable bearable. When my father was dying as he lay there restless and fighting I played Chanticleer! His body would relax and I knew he was being transported to beauty and calm. It soothed him, it soothed me, I felt less helpless. Magic. We fall in love, break up and get our asses in gear to music. For some it is a wonderful background to their life. I’m too passionate to let it play in the background; I have to hear it fill my life and my vessel. I sing loud and admittedly badly but it’s still praise for the creation of the magic.
Today I urge you to praise the magic that is music. Shut off the TV, break the silence, fill your space with music, sing, dance, and hum, move..Feel the Spirit. Play music while you work, and your toil is lighter, play music for the sick and they feel eased, play music for the sad, they grow happy. Kids are less bored with music in their life, elderly more energetic. God is a great DJ, his play list is endless. Put music into your life, turn on the magic and watch what happens!
Peace and love,
This piece is directly from my personal Journal of February 27, 2012.
It is unedited. I hope it brings peace to all who have lost a loved one.
GRIEF AND GRATITUDE
I walked through the doors of The Westcott Group Realty like any typical Monday, briefcase thrown over shoulder, kind of happy I’d found a quarter for the parking meter, mindful of small pleasures. With my game face on I brushed past the man standing in front of the reception desk, probably one of Bill’s customers, I thought as I started to walk by. But just then he turned around and I saw the face of Jim my adopted Dad. I hadn’t seen him in over a year. I dropped my briefcase on the floor and found myself in one of his big loving bear hugs as I fought back the tears pricking the backs of my eyes. My agents were watching... I looked up into his face and he looked older, pale and drawn. Oh no, I thought, he must be sick and he’s come to tell me. I surveyed him up and down as I said “How are you?”, and our eyes locked and he said, “Well, let’s talk”. And I knew it wasn’t going to be good.
We went into my office and he sat in the chair by my desk, his eyes very intent on me. My habitual need to fill silence rose to the surface and I asked “How is Mom”? From the way he looked back at me I knew he was going to tell me she was sick. “Baby, Mom’s gone” he said leaning towards me. His words didn’t register and I just said “Huh?” And he said “Georgie, Linda passed, she’s gone”. I stared dumbstruck, mouth slightly open… but I finally took in what he was saying.
A familiar slam hit my chest, like a trigger it started my body shaking, followed by a hollow queasy feeling and a cold thick numbness in my mind. A voice in my head said… oh I’m very upset and then another tiny voice said oh wait.. this is grief, you are already grieving. You will grieve now. I was astonished at my thoughts and how quickly I felt them. The pain was heavy, the air thick with it. I looked at Jim and saw his face didn’t reflect any of the illness, I had thought he came to tell me about. His face was drawn in grief. Mom Linda’s death, his loss, etched there in every line and in his haunted dark eyes for the entire world to see. I knew the look I had seen it reflected in my morning mirror for a long time. “Oh my God Jim, you must be so lonely” I whispered and then rapid fire questions, “When?, Why?, How? , Why didn’t you call long before now? What”?....
He said she was vey sick, very fast, he was enmeshed in her care and at the hospital, she didn’t want any funeral, she didn’t want people around, it was just him, her sister and his son. That was the way Linda wanted it. You had to know them to know that was the right way for them, the way they would do it. Married 49 years, 2 peas in a pod, joined at the hip every day, only letting a few privileged individuals into their private sanctuary. They had such great love and companionship they needed few others. He asked why they hadn’t heard from me in months especially over the holidays. I had to come clean about my life just then, and tell him what I never wanted to tell them. I knew their disappointment would be so great. I was embarrassed and guilty. “I’m alone Jim” I stated flatly. And I poured out the tale of the demise of my marriage with as little emotion as possible and told him what my life is now..
When I finished I looked up into his face and he had tears streaming down. It was the reason I had avoided him and Linda for a year. It was a blow to him. So many people react that way to the death of Mark and me. He was so sorry for me and for Mark and so disappointed and in such disbelief. He knew us, saw us together, witnessed our life from the beginning, he knew what a great loss it all was. A once beautiful union in tatters, shipwrecked, splintered on the shores of ego and materialism. I was ashamed to reveal our failure to this good strong committed man. He took me in his arms and we cried for it all… for Linda and for times lost. And we remembered all the love and happiness we all shared. Jim wiped my tears and said, “Don’t cry my daughter, I’m sorry you had to go through that.” And I couldn’t believe the man was comforting me! I said “Don’t you dare wipe my tears, I’m here for you!! We talked about his loneliness and his plans for traveling and we reminisced about Mom Linda.
Even now I can still here her voice in my ear. “Georgie, I’m so proud of you or Hey Georgie girl come with me to Kmart.” All the years spent together, all the happy times including one comic Lucy Ricardo type afternoon wallpapering my bedroom in my old West Babylon house my “happy little house” I wish so often to be back in.. I have photos of that day somewhere. God, how many afternoons I spent in her kitchen with tea and cookies and life lessons….not nearly enough. How privileged I was a young newly married 27 year old taken under their wing, the dream parents I never had, always lending a helping hand, 2 people who always wanted a daughter and found it in me. They knew me when, through 2 marriages and coming up from the bottom.
Finally Jim left and I felt the grief train slam into me with renewed force, only this time it had a caboose full of guilt that made my soul ache worse. I didn’t hold her, I didn’t say goodbye, and I wasn’t there. I am so awful. I stood at my desk wanting to grieve with someone that knew her too. But there was nobody in my life that knew what she was to me. Not now. Mark was gone, Steve my buddy was dead, my siblings never understood why I had a Mom Linda, and my real parents were dead. There was nobody from my past to call. I have no one left on this earth who has witnessed my life from the original past ‘back in the day’. I could call a new or recently resurrected friend but it would not be the same. Nobody knows where I come from. People love me now for what I do or what I have . There is no one left in my life who loves me for who I am. Not yet anyway, I'm working to change that. I felt like a stranger in my own life as I realized the source of my loneliness. Is your history still real if no one is there who witnessed or lived it or is it somehow erased? Suddenly my office sanctuary was suffocating.
Before I realize my intention, I felt cold air and sunshine drying my tears. I guess I decided to go for a walk. Out on the street the world was moving along but I felt removed from it. As I walked I felt my feelings. I came out of my head and became mindful of my heart, my true self, no ego, no room for guilt or self pity. I realized I identified the grief right away and I felt it. 2 years ago that would not have happened. Wow! I’m feeling it, resolving it, working through it. I thought, I now know what grief is and I know how to grieve. I was so proud of myself. For the first time in my life I wasn’t running away, squashing down, suppressing or denying my pain. I had actually been looking for someone to share it with. Now that was a breakthrough! I was a far cry from the girl who hung up the phone after being told her mother was dead and ordered carpet, the girl who nearly refused to go into the room where her mother’s casket was, denying a death all too real. No. I was now a woman facing the pain head on and moving towards the feelings knowing I would be OK.
I was awakened as I felt Mom Linda’s love transcending death to teach me this lesson about myself. I reflected on all the love and laughter we shared and was so grateful for it. I took solace in knowing that beautiful energy from our heart to heart talks was put out into the universe still somewhere making it a better place. The vibration of our love is such a sweet sound like the soft humming of angels while they perform daily tasks.
It was a chilly day with brilliant sunshine as I walked around the lake and I felt lucky to be alive. As the sun reflected on the lake I reflected on my life. I ignored my ego and I opened my heart. I thanked God for all the days I had with Mom Linda as I felt His grace in the pain of my grief. His grace gave me the wisdom to get through this sad experience and loss by leading me to see the goodness not the suffering in grief. Spirit showed me grief and gratitude go together. The gratitude leads me through the pain to be grateful for my time with Linda and the people still in my life.
I realized I sometimes let “life” get in the way of the important things; I let life get in the way of the feelings in my heart. I vowed to never again miss an opportunity to spend time with someone special because of a circumstance my ego tells me to avoid. My ego caused me to miss the last year of her life. I am programmed to think too much with my head, intellectualize and analyze and worry and sit on the fence to try and make sense of things. It is time to reprogram myself. The truth I learned today is that the mind holds no answers when it comes to understanding the overwhelming nature of life. Only the heart can experience the truth of all tragedy and beauty and connect with others. The heart holds all the answers. To truly experience life we have to use our hearts not our minds.
I suddenly understand a Universal Truth: Gratitude is the antidote to grief!
And I am reminded
Fear does not keep you safe love does.
Peace and love,
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose