It's no secret...I've been a lot of places in my life. I have been many different things to many different people. And I have been many different things to me. I have often felt invisible and at other times I sadly wished I were invisible. Looking back both were equally difficult. It doesn't matter which side of the coin you are on. Life is overwhelming whether you are noticed or feel insignificant.
When I was a little girl I hid in closets during the violence, repeating over and over in my shattered little mind "I'm not really here". The mantra that was my saving grace for the first 30 years of my life, had the ability to make me numb in an instant. It carried me through just about everything. A lifetime was lived, but never really felt, as I receded to survive. Anxiety, depression, illness, abuse, never really mattered because "I wasn't really here"! A harsh early life had rendered me a mere sleepwalker on the earth insulated by thick walls of fear and shame. Nothing much could wake me, I was in deep detachment. Life has little taste when you are afraid of choking on every bite. When you are afraid to feel too much because you just can't bear it, your broken heart will never mend.
I was lucky. I got tired of living that way and allowing life to pass me by. But the catalyst for that was my ex husband Mark. When I met him he swept me off my feet and I could feel for the first time in maybe..ever.. love pour into my heart. His child like bravado and fun loving heart were startling against my very grey walls. I woke up from my deep slumber. No longer insignificant when reflected in his smile, his presence made me feel so connected and alive it made me want more. I suppose it was how the stars were aligned for us, that when he looked at me I felt bold and beautiful and confirmed. In his eyes and within the energy of "us", I was indeed here! In some ways it was like a Disney fairy tale where the Princess gets kissed back to life.
Healing my wounds was the key to feeling again and living from my heart. While I credit Mark with opening my door to love, in the end he was far from my healing Prince or happy ending. All fairy tales end when the clarity of their fantasy breaks through mirror and we see our illusions turn to the reality of never was. Inevitably, many of the wounds I were contracted in the lifetime to heal were ones inflicted by him. And of course inflicted by myself, for choosing the wrong medicine to heal me. Perhaps vulnerability was the very reason I fell for him in the first place. They say you shouldn't startle a sleepwalker awake... I was disoriented and vulnerable, and completely unprepared for the headiness that was us, after all those years of being numb and locking my heart with insignificance.
I learned healing is something you do on your own. There are no crutches worthy of holding up your soul, no matter how beautiful and attractive they seem. It is only you and a higher power that can complete you and make you see the masterpiece you are.. When you realize that - you become invincible!
A big part of my healing was releasing the fear of loss I associated with loving and being vulnerable. That came when I realized I had never been alone. Not really. Not as a child in the closet nor any of the other repulsive and desperate places I have found myself from time to time.
My longing for invisibility was really an invincible little girl taking care of the future Georgia. I was born a survivor. I was taking care of me from the start and I would always take care of me, with a little help from above. I had myself and I was not alone. While I was busy trying to be invisible I was in fact protecting my invincible self, that beautiful soul in the core of me. I just hadn't met her yet.
When I started to strip away my layers, I found my heart and soul beautifully preserved in a cocoon of my own making. My heart had been waiting for me to discover it when the time was right. After enough tragedy - the time was right. When you have nothing left to lose you stop being afraid. Stripped bare you have to look at the only thing left- yourself.
I have been many places and I have been many things. There are people who love me and there are those who would run me over with their car if they saw me crossing the street! It all depends on when they met me, what phase of my work/life I was in. Life is work, its gritty and nasty and sad and happy and beautiful. We can be ugly or good. We can be cold or embracing. I've been everything.
Mine, like all of us, was the process of survival. As many of us know- you can't love when you are just trying to survive , you have to drop the gun, the rope, the sword. Survival life is a soap opera, a TV sitcom life acted out against a backdrop of abuse, humor and bat shit crazy tragedy that becomes OUR STORY. As we act out our wounds in every situation and relationship without understanding ourselves and healing the root cause of our reactions, we spin in a web of repetition, that wounds us further. It is only in the awareness of the patterns, we start to see how we can change our fractals. It's a lot of work to pull out a domino from the row to stop the fall. But with enough bravery and help from the universe it can be done. Exercising that valor and faith is what reveals our beauty and magnificence!
We can hide from our story and crave invisibility or we can embrace it all and give our invincible self the chance to change our story. Yes, you are invincible, I promise! That soul you carry has been with you and will be with you eternally. Every challenge is a new chance to prove that we are truly invincible and that we deserve to embrace all life has to offer. When we open to that, we realize we are not alone. We feel the higher power within us, supporting us. I have many profound mantras now. I no longer chant "I'm not really here" to make an unbearable situation, bearable.
Now I call out to God and Angels and I often feel their presence inspiring me, rooting for me and giving me the strength I need to heal wounds, be courageous, face truth and live my best life. When I give myself the chance to triumph and I don't go numb I am no longer afraid and vulnerable . I am powerful and connected to something far greater than myself and that makes me feel invincible. Tuned in to a higher power - I am invincible. Suddenly the world grows calm and less scary and I triumph over the hardest times.
After a particularly scary moment, I often look back and wonder sometimes how I found the courage to do what I've just did... I am reminded that the Angels and God our creator will never fail me and most of all I will never fail myself. Trust in the Universe is Huge but trusting myself is even bigger!
We all have times like that - where we can't believe we survived or made it through a particularly hard time but we know someone was watching over us.
The most powerful part of that for me is knowing our soul is invincible! We are never alone..
I never wish I was invisible anymore. Overcoming obstacles and getting to be a part of everyday miracles is so cool...I don't want to miss a thing!
Peace and love- Georgia Rose
The energy is building! On Monday August 21, 2017 it is the great United States Solar eclipse thus named because it is the first solar eclipse to pass over the entire United States in 100 years. But what truly makes this a much more rare event is other aspects besides the alignment of the earth, moon and sun. Saturn, Uranus, Pluto, a Mercury Retrograde and the fixed star Regulus play important roles in this energy. Without going into too much detail let's focus on Mercury and then Regulus because that is where this energy gets interesting in a "once in a lifetime" way.
Eclipses either lunar (moon) or solar ( sun) enfold an energy of beginnings and ending but in a much more intense way new and full moon cycles. The energy of eclipses builds for 3 to 6 months before and after the event and the cumulative energy usually creates a life change or unexpected out come. In what way depends on the other planets whose energy is involved.
Mercury is our mind our intellectual reasoning...when it goes retrograde it is slowing down its rotation to an almost standstill and reverse. When this happens we revisit the past. The universe gives us this energy to make us contemplative and introspective so we learn where we made mistakes, where we triumphed and what changes and actions we need to make to move forward on the right path. But it dredges up the past in order for us to do this. Sometimes this can be annoying or painful, but keep in mind it is for our own good!
Regulus is a fixed star- it is exactly on the eclipse center at 29 degrees Leo. Leo is the lion , our heart energy and the sun our strength. (anyone with planets in Leo is greatly effected by this solar eclipse on august 21 of this year.) Regulus is the brightest star in the constellation of Leo. It is the Lion's Heart it is the "regulator" the one who makes things right and puts it in order... Some say he is the energy of letting go of revenge.
So, is this all starting to make sense? We have a total solar eclipse where the sun, moon and earth are exact in 29 degrees Leo with Regulus exactly in the same spot and a Mercury Retrograde..among other aspects that are all strengthening this energy!
So the universe wants us to look back, put our lives in order, let go of the past and make things new. We are being asked to Step into our destiny and start our new chapters.
As the eclipse symbolizes light to dark - the moon will block our sun in the middle of the day, and then as it passes away from the sun light will shine through. As the great central sun, strongest in the sign of Leo the lion, once again shines upon us. we are Illuminated and blessed from the universe in divine form. Light to dark and light again. As Regulus shines as the brightest star in the evening sky our heart of the lion sits in triumph above us.
So my prediction is that many of us will have amazing an unexpected changes occur. This is the culmination of whatever started to come to a head in the end of July or around August 7th for you. This is also reminiscent of wherever you were in your life around 1998 or so. It is a repeat of some of those energies - giving us in effect a "do over" to make things right.
Use this energy wisely, it truly is a once in a lifetime opportunity to progress your life forward. If you feel frustrated it is only because the eclipse and Leo energy (which is fire) are pulling us forward while Mercury wants us to look back. Look back only for wisdom and clarity, do not wallow in the past. This energy will bring us great clarity to form new perceptions and identities DO NOT fight that.
This is the energy that changes the world- its perceptions and needs. It will bring us individually into great spiritual awakenings and gifts of multi sensory perceptions to have wisdom we have never had before as human beings. This next decade will be futuristic and forward thinking through telepathy and science in ways you can not imagine.
For each of us personally this eclipse will bring a need to change the path of our lives to a more heart felt and compassionate way of living. In short we will all let go of the bull shit and learn what is important for true happiness and contentment in our lives. Forgiveness is an important part of this lesson - so let go of it all!
If there is anything you have been holding on to from the past or any negative emotions weighing you down get rid of it now. Write them down and burn them , swim in the ocean to cleanse - make a pact with yourself to start anew.
The universe is baptizing us in light , baptize yourself with your truth and birth a new you. Step into the things your heart has always wanted to do. The universe is in full support of you now. As the moon passes in front of our sun - Come through the tunnel to the light.
Sweep away all that no longer matters and step into what does matter - love.
Peace and love,
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose