Today I took the bed apart. Our bed. My bed. Where we made plans and made love and made a life. Today I dismantled the refuge I have known for 20 years. It was my safe place, my home. I have fallen into those familiar curves and dreamed my aspirations and hopes and desperate needs. It has been a bed of roses and thorns. The memories inside that mattress and box spring flew out and slammed into me as I tried to break free of it. That bed got here after we tied it to the roof of the old Explorer and under cover of darkness moved into our new neighborhood. We didn't want the "rich folk" to see our hillbilly maneuver but we were so impatient to spend the night in our newly renovated home we moved the bed ourselves. We were so young and full of everything! We couldn't wait to move into the house that when you saw it for the first time - you turned to me in the front seat of the car and said
" Babe it's us!" as you pulled me into your arms.
That bed...where we triumphed and made up, battled cancer and brain tumors, cried and laughed, suffered and dreamed. The bed no matter how cold always got warmer when I found your feet against mine. A small comfort that said "We're gonna be OK".
It was the same bed I could not sleep in for months after you lay by me no longer. The bed I finally returned to with the cold surrender that 'this is my life now'. The bed I finally after much healing brought others too. The bed my 4 legged best friend keeps my feet warm in now.
It became the bed a needy girlfriend who crashed in with me after a bad break up. The bed a boyfriend fed me scrambled eggs in during a vicious flu. It became the bed of lonely nights and contented single girl sleep ins till noon. Passionate sleep overs and quiet Sundays in solitude with a laptop writing my heart out. It was the place of classic movies and decadent ice cream sundaes in the dark. Bowls of soup and lonely Saturday nights.
My refuge, of love and grief. The place I shared love and the place I twisted in a loneliness that ate me alive.
Everything has changed outside, inside, above and below. But that bed was always the same, same same. My bed, my love, oh how I have loved my bed. For better or worse, for richer or poorer in sickness and in health. Now, it is time to say goodbye. It must go like all things that no longer serve us, to make room for the better. There is power in goodbye!
But at first that old worn mattress with just the right spot for me wouldn't leave the room. It kept twisting and turning as I tried to push it and pull it out. Like a recalcitrant child on the first day of school- it just did not want to go! It was a message to me from the universe.
I have a hard time letting go too sometimes!
That old mattress kept flopping over and bending and going in the wrong direction. I kept trying to drag it and pull it, but it wouldn't cooperate with my plan. I was getting mad. And then I laughed as I thought it was just like me. The way I held on to a marriage that was breaking apart. A sudden storm I could not accept at first. When it broke through my shutters and scattered all my goods I kept trying to keep out the rain and the cold damp hollow it brought. Eventually I surrendered. I let its wind scatter me and I leaned into the storm and I suffered there until I had enough and then I let the wind shift and the rain cleanse me. Yes, hard times they were, made harder by my resistance. Just like this floppy mattress. Finally I got it out and just as the garbage truck came too! After the vroom swoosh of the hydraulic crusher the truck continued its rounds oblivious to the fact that it was ...The end of an era.
Gazing around the empty space of my bedroom I wondered if it was still a bedroom if there was technically no bed in it. But I had to admit the room seemed brighter and lighter already. Like sunshine. And I remembered...
It always feels good to listen to the universe and see what it shows us.
When I stopped fighting the universe the sun finally came again and I realized it was life and has a soul. Who when he rises brings hope and when he sets a bittersweet sorrow and when he shines a joy and when he is away a melancholy. And so I have learned to embrace this sun, this life for each of these faces and phases. These changes and its emotions are the essence of our light.
In this bed I have pondered many mysteries and found answers of a life so alive. But it has not been the bed that has shown me, not the wires and wood and stuffing of its object. But the chamber of my heart and soul, the nerves and blood of my body that have shown me a lifetime in this bed, my home. The memories and sensations are me. I am an endless energy of light.
So today I say goodbye to this bed, my bed, our bed, the bed that was my life.
I let go of this place and grab on to me for I AM the only place the only bed and the only refuge I shall ever need. I am the bed of my life.
Peace and love,
Writing is not easy especially when it is public. I have been writing my blog for a few years and posting to FB for longer. My intention is always to communicate an observation whether humorous or beautiful that stirs the reader to think or be introspective. It is done in a "hey this is what I just learned or observed what do you think" - way. My attitude is never judgmental but more - "we are on this journey together lets help each other out!" If I slip up and think something is a written from ego it is quickly deleted.
The feedback I get from my blog and FB page has been mostly beautiful and positive. Many of you have told me how it has inspired and given you much insight towards healing and love. Thank you for that. It means more than you could ever know to think my mission of expression can expand love. I know much of this experience writing has been healing for me and I hope for my readers as well.
Of course there are some negative things too. Over the years people have taken offense. Although this happens rarely compared to the positive, such misunderstandings deserve my observation and answer.
I would like to set the record straight. There have been times people “recognize” themselves as portrayed in one of my stories or posts. Well, they think they recognize themselves anyway and they feel a bit exposed or uncomfortable. In truth most of these times the person offended is not the person written about in the blog. Furthermore my posts are never in relation to a person, ever. My posts and blogs are inspired by observations and experiences drilled down to all of us as a collective.
Whether a person “recognizes” themselves out of ego or arrogance, fear or worry is not for me to judge. I understand how people sometimes fail to assume positive intent and rush to judge me, they are actually judging themselves. It is indeed the place that scares them.
However that breeds anger and my blog and posts have no alignment with that. In truth most people who “recognized” themselves are misguided. I value everyone that crosses my path. People who think I wrote about them in truth have no worries about any breach of privacy from me. When something is specifically about a person it is in gratitude and I usually name them as I have with certain loved ones and teachers. So for all those friends and acquaintances who ask me “That blog was about me wasn’t it?” the answer is “No”! And for all of you who are wondering who a blog or post is about, it is assuredly not one specific person. For those of you who have unfriended me because you thought a post was a dig directed at you let me assure you it was not.
More likely it referred to a lesson on our collective journey that hit a nerve and I have become your scapegoat. I understand that our human experience makes us often look to blame the other before we peruse ourselves. I have often written about those experiences within myself and my regrets of them. I am not perfect in life and I often can be direct and a bit harsh. But in the sacred space of my page and blog my words are checked and weighed for authenticity and intention. They are not for me but for the world. And so my heart holds them to a higher standard. This is my work not my entertainment or manipulation.
Most writers will tell you our characters are compilations of sorts, created by imagination in my case inspired by reality. We “write” to tell a story, relate an experience, and create a reaction from the reader. My blog stories are not always literal descriptions of my life but often poetic ruminations and compilations of many experiences told as one designed to inspire and stir hearts.
The things I write about are often a compilation of happenings with many people in many places. It is the emotions I am demonstrating that determine what I choose to write. I have lived over a half a century and I have had many experiences often similar or parallel ones with many people. I’ve had many friendships fade, I have many close friends now, and I have a few ex’s, I have dated men, I have traveled lots of places, I‘ve been on a lot of motorcycles, sat across many dinner tables, meditated with many people, given Reiki to a few hundred people, done readings for more, I have had many healings, I’ve eaten a lot of meals, lain on many sofas, buried a lot of loved ones, I’ve walked the beach a thousand times. I have had my heart broken a lot , I have fallen in love more, I have been abused and nurtured by many…you get the drift? So more than likely the blog is not about “you”, it’s about my life and what I have lived and learned. I am not the Taylor Swift of blogs or social using media to expose moments for a self serving purpose. My blog is sacred space created for a higher purpose. In the end the blog is not about “you” and it’s not about “me”, it is written for “us”. It is written for the collective world to learn and love.
My writing is always inspired by emotions that have moved me so deeply or taught me so wisely that I am guided to share them. Many times in daily posts as they occur. Why? Because I know what it is like to be desperately alone, scared and in despair and I never want any other being on this earth to ever feel what I felt. Because someone out there needs to connect, to heal, to know they are not alone and perhaps my words can inspire hope and healing. I don’t believe my experiences are so unique; the blog and posts are not a billboard of “look at me” moments. I believe my experiences are much like everyone else’s. I’m just good at putting them into words. If I can make someone laugh or think or feel love- so be it - I believe we need to do more of that! Often my words are divinely inspired. In fact I believe mostly everything in our lives is divinely inspired and that is why I take credit for little and am in awe of all.
In that awe is the foundation for my writing. This life, this beautiful life is so amazing and heart stirring I can’t hold it back. Living a journey to ascension and wading through all the beauty and tragedy to emerge triumphant is our birthright. Some days are joyous and some days are repulsive but they are all a gift. It is not in the “why” of them that the theme of my writing is found, but in the “where” of them that the foundation of “The Rose Blog” lay. By sharing my stories and where they bring me I hope to bring my readers to those places too. In an- " if I can triumph, so can you" way. Mine is a life vertically lived. I have been lucky to learn that every experience interpreted in the right way brings you higher. By pushing on and upwards under everyday burdens to find joy and small rewards I hope to inspire other souls to do the same.
As I said I have been in desperation, alone and utterly lost. In that place of deep despair I was divinely led to find a diary of my mother’s that I never knew existed. I write about that experience in a blog from March 2015 titled “The Gift From Beyond”. As I sat and read my beautiful Mother’s words my life was saved. Each word formed a connection to something greater than my raw moments of despair and built a life line to a Spirit that would save my weary soul. On a cold damp basement floor I sat and read and read as the words fed my hunger to be loved and my longing for connection. I realized the power the written word has to save us. I understood the power reading has to connect us. A diary changed my life. Words on a page saved me! The story of my Mother’s life put hope in my lost soul. I realized I could do the same and so my blog was born.
When a reader misjudges my written words as a cause for their personal wound it stings me. But I accept it. Perhaps that is just the way their personal journey will be inspired. Either way my words become the tool they were intended for. Expansion, growth, introspection and mostly hopefully healing and reconciliation. Sometimes the route is a circular one but I take solace that whatever is happening it will lead to what is real for my readers.
My pen is my sword. It cuts through the bullshit of life. Like a modern day Joan of Arc when I write I am riding into battle. Exposing my life and laying it all on the line for a cause. I do not wield a sword to inflict pain or harm. My battle is not an arrogant self serving one. It is one of truth! It is a humble and sacred cause to show the world the passions of a woman’s heart. To bleed in shame, to sing with joy, to wallow in grief and still love deeply with no restraint is the miracle of my life. My life is a message to keep going and never close your heart. I share my experiences so everyone is inspired to triumph and love that way. My pen is the sword that defends love against desperation and defeat. For love is all there really is and only what is real.
My words are love and truth. They are my gift to myself. They are gratitude to God for bringing me home, past the scars and wounds of a million lifetimes. And most of all they are my gift to you so you know someone in the world cares about you and your beautiful heart, so you don’t give up. I want everyone to know love as deeply and profoundly and powerfully as I do. And so I share my love through my pen hoping the ink magically connects us.
Peace and Love,
I recently learned some stuff. Sometimes there are cold days even when you are in the “summer” of your life. People don’t always mean what they say and that has nothing to do with how close a man is to God or how spiritually evolved a woman is. I learned that some people still keep themselves chained even after their restraints have been removed. Unwittingly clinging to the egos roadmap to freedom like a beacon to adventure and happiness when in truth it is an inaccurate legend full of detours and wrong turns that limit and inhibit us from the only thing that is real. I learned sometimes people grab their own coattails to stop themselves from running towards love. Perhaps because living from our ego is presently preferable and tricks us into believing it is the right thing to do. We blindly bind ourselves in the very leash we fear another will slide around our neck. We restrain ourselves from the very thing we want more than anything, that heady and precious Holy Grail -unconditional love. Today I learned that even people who preach of love don’t always recognize it straight away when our hearts are not free.
Today I learned I have been guilty of all these things! Today I learned someone is me.
I learned even the best people forget what is important and that when we get caught up in the intoxicating allure of being and doing “new” things we sometimes forget the lessons that are as old as time. I learned that when God gives you a precious opportunity for the Holy Grail it’s probably wise not to turn it in for something illusory. I learned that Love doesn’t wait for us to be ready. If we are authentically in alignment with Spirit we are always ready to love. I learned when our hearts are truly aligned with God, there is no shame or guilt or fear, there is only forgiveness and love.
Today I realized these things I thought I already knew, had still not been fully realized before but now are. I had to look in the mirror at myself as the past student of these many lessons, for their truth to finally hit home. There I found in my reflection, my compassion for other souls who are journeying through their own lessons now. And I saw clearly the reason for my own suffering. I see where my lessons entwine with others to bring me the pain that has opened me to my creator’s wisdom. And I am grateful for my sufferings. Yes, those other souls who hold anger and resentment toward me for things real or imagined are my teachers. In the conflict of our judgments and misjudgments , jealousy, fear and hatred lay the swords of my karma.
Over my lifetime I have looked deeply at each one to ask “What sword is this?”. I leaned into its sharp edge as it slashed through my flesh to let its lesson bleed out from my skin and my soul. Those lessons taught me so well and gave me such gifts that I came to love my teachers. And miraculously as I did this time and time again I learned how to send love to the ones who held the swords of my Karma because my beautiful life would not exist without them.
From those dark and unyielding depths emerged a warrior whose authentic heart was taught how to love unconditionally. I look deeply at her now, and in a moment of clarity my hand reaches into my heart and I send my deep unconditional love to all the students, all my teachers. With my palm as open as my warrior ‘s heart I send out an intention that the light and love in my soul, would be the authentic beacon to light the way to the freedom their souls crave- the way it has set me free. I do this every morning now on a yoga mat in a dimly lit room, just me and God and the Angels and Arcturians and Ascended Masters. There are no words to describe the bliss and power of those moments. The oneness with my universe starts as a seed in my heart and radiates out to enfold all.
Each day brings a new lesson that takes me higher into that oneness. My awareness is heightened and opened to every subtle nuance.
Today Sparky came over and wanted to do yoga too.
Today I learned how my dog feels when I pet him one minute and shoo him away the next. Maybe I could be kinder about that sometimes. I learned what that sad rejected furry look on his face feels like in the ache of my own heart as if someone had done that to me. I thought of people that I pushed away when I should have embraced them. I learned that humiliating sting was there to teach me and I was grateful for it.
Today I learned what freedom is. It lives in that soft tender part of my heart, where I have ached and bled. I found it when I reached past the aches to the secret chamber where I connect with all things. From there I gave love to someone else fully secure that I already had so much for myself that I could give some away without any conditions.
Today I learned that the greatest freedom in life isn’t found in being free of ties and obligations. The greatest freedom in life is found in reaching into your own heart, past your fear, past the aches to willingly give love to another. Today I learned the path to freedom lies inside of me. Not in the doing and being without any claims on you. Today I learned being truly free means wanting someone to claim you and knowing it will strengthen your free spirit and expand the light of your soul. Today I learned if you want someone to claim you and offer unconditional love, you should probably tell them.
Today I remembered the most important lesson of my life.
Today I learned real freedom isn’t found it is remembered.
Today I let go of the pain that has kept me restrained. Today I burned through the debris of a past that has held me prisoner far too long! Today I learned what being free really means and what really matters. Today I learned this has been what my life’s journey is all about, getting free…not free to live, anyone who is determined and has a bit of guts can do that. No my life journey is about being free to LOVE unconditionally and that requires remembering the wisdom, compassion and the courage we are all born with. Give love selflessly to everyone no matter if their sword has slashed you. Love them anyway! It is in this task the peaceful warrior is born.
Today I learned the picture of me wielding a sword astride a running horse on the cover of my Akashic Book is the symbol of the freedom that lies in my warrior’s heart. Not because I fight to the death with a raised sword, but because I have learned to lower my sword to feel the sting of a blade and be free to love anyway. Today I learned that I have come full circle.
Today I learned unconditional love is the kiss of the wind on your face as your horse carries you into a battle you do not fear. Because that kiss, that wind is Gods lips anointing you. When you feel the connection to Gods touch in everything you want to share it with everyone. Who they are and what they have done matters not. This love can only be given from a heart that is free. A warrior’s heart that has learned to lean on the swords of Karma and still rides like the wind laughing and full of joy and love for all life!
Peace and love,
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose