Just a couple of years ago there was a time when Saturday evenings were determined by a group of hard partying friends. We planned the nights festivities via social media by what band was at what bar or who was having a birthday. It was an amazing and heady time of rebellion and second childhood, when I sorely needed a distraction from tremendous loss and trauma in my life. I was broken and when I was "out" I didn't feel broken. Those friends from my "lost era" will always have a special place in my heart because they truly filled my void for a time and I am grateful.
The excitement of live music and being caught in the vibe of a crowded club dancing was medicine for my lost soul who at home had never heard silence so loud. The attention of the "in" crowd, my posse soothed my bruised ego while the sense of belonging healed the fact that I was unwanted by the one I had given my all, my everything to.
To be told you are beautiful and funny, even by strangers when you have been rejected by your own husband is quite brilliant for someone like me. Or someone like I was. I needed to belong. it made me feel better. To be invited and wanted was everything to me after I had been so abruptly and cruely uninvited from my whole life. The excitement and high of it became my life line. As selfies and huge group photos of parties and "going out" became the chronicle of my new "look at me" "I'm doing great" "who needs you" awesome and fabulous life, I forgot to "be me".
That's what happens when you get caught up in the external to avoid dealing with the internal. Before long my crutch became an addiction. A middle age peer pressure self inflicted by my fear to mis- step and be tossed "out of the group". I had to keep up or miss out on all the fun and believe me I was having epic fun!! Since the alternative was sitting home and feeling awful loneliness and deep pain I did NOT want to be out of this posse!
And so it wasn't long before Saturday evenings turned into, Friday and Saturday night and Sunday afternoon and Weds night and ..... yeah, this crowd could "turn it up" as they say. And I was more than happy to participate in the awesome circular pattern of a party life better than I had ever dreamed of . These were fun people, great times and I loved them...once upon a time.
But the thing about patterns that rotate around one common thread is they never move forward and the thread always gets tired and eventually weakens and breaks. We humans have many emotions meant to progress us forward, when we try to stay in only one mind set it never lasts. Whether it is negative like depression or positive in a weee...party fun way, eventually it changes. Vibrations always change, we can't harness one frequency for very long, sooner or later we must let it go. We honor vibrations best when we send them out into the universe to live in space and time as history or future. Life is only what is now and we do better when we face that and stay fully present in our always evolving reality. As our soul evolves so does our vibe.
We humans have more than one thread, these many threads of emotion are made to progress us forward and give us experiences to teach us. We are meant to feel the energy of our emotions = in motion. This expands our wisdom and compassion and ability to love.
My stint as a "party animal" came to a grinding halt one Labor Day weekend. After 3 days of non stop fun I was dancing on the deck of a packed bar on Fire Island. It was Monday Labor Day at 5 pm and I didn't want this amazing summer to end...ever! I could see the ocean under a brilliant blue sky as I danced with my friends in damp bathing suits and beach cover ups. We were all tanned and golden and laughing in the wind. In the distance I heard the ferry blow his horn over the jam of a particular fun dance tune. I turned to see the ferry pull up in the distance. The band was rockin' the deck and all was well and suddenly something came over me. I grabbed my beach bag from behind a huge speaker and hugged everyone goodbye. "Where are you going" , they all asked, "I gotta go" , I said and started to run for the ferry flip flops in hand!
I don't know what came over me..maybe I had enough medicine and I knew it was time. Maybe I was just tired or maybe I was finally strong enough to face the real music, not the noise from the bands speakers but the tune of my real life. The one with the sad scary rythym, I had avoided for 2 years. The one my life really was, not the lyrics I created for face book photos.
On the ferry the tears started to come...but it was ok I knew the truth. The beautiful blue eyes behind the big sunglasses needed to look inside not outside to find the party. I knew this was going to hurt like hell. But I knew there was no other way. It had to be done. The thing I was searching for wasn't on the dance floor I knew I would find it in my heart. Everything on the ferry seemed surreal and far away. I was a balloon losing its air I had finally started to come down from it all. The descent was finally unavoidable.
I drove home feeling more deflated but determined to sit with the heaviness. I made scrambled eggs for dinner and sat on my couch literally for the first time in 2 years. I couldn't stand to be in that room of memories before now. But there I sat and faced the silence. I was never ore afraid in my life. I never heard silence so loud that it pierced my very fiber. But I sat and made myself listen. It would be the beginning of a long silence in my life. Party people don't like you when you don't attend their parties. They never step into your silence. It is just the way of those things. They have different purposes. I chose them to have fun and I chose to self correct to do my work . There was no way to sync those vibes.. so this work would be done alone for now.
I am a woman of many colors and many frequencies. I will always look for the next color, the next vibration, so I can fully revel and connect with all life offers. This appetite for life is what gave me the ability to self correct. It gives me the ability to enjoy an amazing guitar riff and feel its bliss with my entire soul and to know the depths of great loss and feel its sorrow deep in my marrow. Whatever the song it fills space in my hollow bones and makes me know who I am. There is a strange freedom and stability in knowing I can experience it all and feel alive. But that doesn't mean its not scary sometimes. Intensity is powerful but necessary.
That is what gave me the power to self correct. Somehow I knew that no matter how much I partied the silence and pain hung just outside the fringe and it was in control as long as I avoided it. I had to deal with it sooner or later. Even if that meant a hard time where I basically alone and had no friends.
Those times were very difficult. But I reinvented myself and learned to make different choices. It was a long road but I have created beautiful and meaningful connections now by living in truth to who I am. I look at where I choose to seek pleasure and if it is good for me.
Times have changed...and as my vibe changed so did my friends.
When I finally faced my life the universe brought people in that helped me and loved me and I was able to do the same for them. I learned friendship is meant to be balanced and equal. When we only allow people into certain parts of our life that is all we have...those parts. But when we share all things equally without fear of judgement it is more loving.
Last night was a beautiful evening in my home as I held a Reiki share and Pot Luck dinner. Tears came to my eyes as I looked around the room once so haunted with loss I was once afraid to sit in it. It was Saturday night and I and my home were so filled with love it was bursting with it!
I thought there would be about 10 of us sharing Reiki and a beautiful meal after. But as the day progressed friends called to say they wanted to bring friends. We ended up with quite a crowd of people and 5 Reiki practitioners for what can only be described as a "love in". Lost in space doing Reiki I felt the universal love of the world around us. Time after time in the distance,I heard the front door opening and more coming. As I looked around the room and saw my friends gathered in love and fellowship I marveled at how far I have come! I am connected with such beautiful souls who share my music and my silence. I marveled at how true it is that our vibration attracts or repels love.
I am grateful so very grateful for all this love and knowing I created and reinvented my life to be so rewarding is a miracle to me. My once shattered heart has healed through these connections.
I made myself feel wanted, invited and loved! And it is reflected back at me.
Knowing the best is yet to come is such an amazing feeling when your heart is already full!
Peace and love,
It has changed for me - this ability to connect to other energy, other space and to step into time other than where I am standing. In the beginning it was fleeting and something just outside my whim, unpredictable and unreliable. It was like feeling air move or the flash of an invisible field suddenly shadowed then gone. You just know when it changes although you can't see it or touch it or hear it with the senses you use most. In your quest to see if it is real you learn to feel it with the senses you have hardly ever used before.
Slowly and suddenly it all unfolds, this place where opposites are parallel until they move into balance and doubt becomes knowing and finally it evolves into truth. You discover another dimension of yourself which discovers another dimension of the universe.
Using these newly awakened senses, things happen that are impossible within the parameters of what our 5 senses know to be logical. But I have learned that rigid limits always distort things. We try to explain things away as coincidence or parlor trick because they make us uncomfortable, and we miss the whole point of them. But, after the hundredth time you start to accept... this is really happening, Yes wow! This is really happening. I know things I could not know, I have things happening that are impossible but they are real.
A lifetime of doubt is replaced by awe and a lifetime of limited beliefs pours open as though the Hoover dam was just breached. There is a beautiful freedom in feeling expanded and without the limits of what we are taught. It's like flying over a rainbow colored waterfall, wet and vibrant and breathless... You are high on the fact that such a thing exists and it is real.
Habitual words like "never" and "always" and phrases like "I don't believe in that" are replaced with "maybe", "it's possible" and "I don't believe that, ... yet" . As we grow to understand so much more than what currently is and our thoughts begin to encompass what is beyond our reach it seems the mere acceptance that the impossible could be possible brings it forward and within our reach. Something substantial occurs then, we have an experience, and another and another... and before long we are believers, truth is changed, the world has expanded, your life is awakened. You have crossed over the boundaries others set for you.
And with that a deeper understanding of love and soul lights our heart and expands us from within. As our beliefs become unlimited and open so does our heart . Love is no longer limited to an earthly pursuit but is unlimited and transcends the realms.
I tell my clients if someone loved you deeply on this earth and their soul is now in a higher place of divinity imagine what their love for you is now from that place? What would be it's purpose unless we are meant to feel it across the realms. There is no death only transition - crossover. Love is limitless.
The vibration of love is out in the universe where we have created it. It is there suspended in a time that is linear waiting for us to pull it in when we need it and let it wash over us and fill our soul. It nourishes us so we can share it with others, a universal cycle of pure unconditional unity.
The ability I once doubted and pushed away because it was "impossible" evolved into a beautiful gift that has given countless people and myself healing and joy. Can you imagine if I had continued to deny its existence. A beautiful bell, a calling, a song so amazing that it CAN NOT be unheard. It rings forth with the force of the universe, a mere soul like me can not stop it. Nor can it be taught or learned from another. No this journey is one of self discovery first. All that is required is clearing ones life of all negative distractions and opening to a pure connection with creation. A simple formula that is the hardest and most complicated work any human can do. Work that continues until we no longer do. Certainly no easy task.
My ability is changing once again and with its evolution comes another difficult task at hand. I used to be able to open and close as it was appropriate depending on my setting. I have a very earthly career besides my spiritual one. Boardrooms are no place for psychic readings and spirit guides so I censor myself.
But lately the energy is always there, more forward than ever before radiating love. It is palpable and it enables me to feel energy and a persons soul and their troubles and joys. I sense what is around them, who has passed, who they love. Not in an intrusive way but in a beautiful way. It is very heart based and opens me more to the love of the universe. It is as though the light in the world is brighter and illuminating more things for me to see.
For instance I recently met a couple while showing a house and I started to spontaneously read them and talk about passed loved ones before I realized it. They were receptive but OMG, not good I thought!
I worked very hard to keep my spiritual life almost secret from my other business. Thinking my Spiritual life would somehow harm or discredit my earthly career. But lately there is a crossover between my worlds. It is unsettling yet I know why it is happening. The Universe is showing me I need to integrate who I am and live an authentic life. It is forming my identity by giving me the opportunity to accept all of me.
I suppose this new transition will not be easy. But it is yet another gift. As Saturn in Sagittarius transits through my first house it is pushing me to integrate my personality with my soul. How amazing is this that the universe has decided to show me such love as to have an opportunity through others- to live my truth and reconcile negative energy. After all isn't it negative to keep part of your life secret from another part? Isn't that acting on doubt and fear. Do the very things I overcame to open my heart still linger on the fringe of my life threatening to close it? And so the universe is making sure that does not happen by heightening my gift to be undeniable by sharpening my voice to be heard.
So this journey of self discovery continues. This discovery of a new reality and my authentic identity is actually based on opening my heart to accept all of myself not just parts put in different boxes. I need to put all of me in one big box with unlimited sides. I am supposed to crossover my boundaries to merge all of me into one life.
It truly is amazing that the universe shows us the way to our most productive and satisfying life if we can just listen, observe and pay attention. Today try to listen to the signs around you because they are leading to your best life, however difficult the journey may seem you have to do your own work to get there, because you are uniquely you and no one can teach you how to be that.
Peace and Love - Georgia Rose
It seems we humans worry an awful lot about making the right decisions when it comes to relationships and matters of the heart. Often sitting in conflict until a decision is made for us. That place doesn't always feel so good as we lick our wounds and go deep to work through the sadness and disappointment that weighs so heavy. Letting go is hard - being let go even harder. Especially when love lingers and connections still bind. We doubt, we wonder, we regret. There is a sappy romantic sort of saying "if you love something set it free - if it comes back."..blah blah - you know the one - I always hated it! I think its idiotic.
Why? Because although I trust the Universe to bring me what is best, I'm not one to leave things to chance, I am a creator not a by stander. I guess you could say me and the universe are co creating.
My life has shown me that once love is created it never dies. We choose its vibration by the way our ego or heart decides to honor or deny it.
I realize when I look back on the times of my life - the painful break ups and joyful connections that somehow the universe has proved to be my perfect partner in my journey and the teachings of love. You see, ultimately everything has been as it should be - timed as it was. Although as it occurred I may have felt otherwise.
I needed to be with certain partners at certain times to know that particular experience of love or joy or pain or sorrow. And I needed to feel their absence at certain times to have the experiences I was supposed to. Inevitably it all brought me here to the place where I am whole and strong and able to love freely. To be love. This is the current destination. The road and its stopovers could not have been any other way. The right thing was always done by me or the other at the right time. It all comes down to timing.
Ultimately when you are who you are meant to be, in the right place, the right thing comes at the right time and it feels good. It doesn't matter if its someone you already tried with before because timing can sometimes make round 2 different - you are different and so are they -partly because what went before made you so.. yes it is quite true that In the end timing is linear and love is limitless.
Once created Love simply exists. It hangs somewhere within reach until we pay attention to it. Love, the universe and I are partners now, we share the driving and decide where we want to go. I am no longer just along for the ride eyes closed, holding on for dear life. No I am here fully present.
And just then the past walks in. He looks good and your heart butterflies...
And then, you remember... that familiar face, the feel of that one, the smell of them and their smile... and that little stirring within that makes you catch your breath...
You feel alive and joyful in their presence, part of you doesn't want the night to end and you want to feel their kiss, but you have a hard time admitting that to yourself and so you hang back a bit. Wondering how love has survived, you doubt love even when the universe has its heartbeat pulsing in your veins. ... choice. conflict. ego. heart. It's all swirling..
So, instead of what you want to do,you hug him and say goodbye. You walk away wishing he would call your name, even just whisper it, so you could turn around and run to him. o, instead of what you want to do, you drive away wishing for the courage to turn the car around. Even as your fingers grip the wheel they itch to grab that small waist you left standing in the parking lot and kiss her like you wanted.
The universe is showing you that love is a survivor. And sometimes when all is said and done its right there where we left it, waiting for our time and heart to give us and it a second chance.
Because some things are just meant to be, at a certain time, in a certain place for certain people.. .happiness is a choice. Sometimes the Universe drives and Reverse is the right gear even though it's up and to the left.. and often a bitch to find ... it's there if you have the courage to reach for it.
Peace and love
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose