There have been many nights that I could not sleep because I was scared or worried or lonely. Tonight I can’t sleep because I am amazed! Today was a particularly special day in this beautiful life of mine. Today Spirit took my hand and said “Come I want to show you something”….
I planned an event at my home to promote my new
business and had a pretty good idea of the way it would go.
As a legendary net worker and marketer it was a piece of cake to put together. I created an Open House format, and assembled vendors to display and sell organic products and Spiritual items while people waited to get Reiki services or Readings. It would be a great night, people would stop in, come and go and I would get great exposure for my new biz. That’s how my mind works ,biz biz biz…..impersonal, razor sharp ,focus on the goal.
Little did I know while I was rearranging the furniture, my angels were shifting their own pieces in place. While I was making countless phone calls, there were some divine calls being placed. While I was creating a marketing campaign, Spirit was doing His own campaigning and while I was doing doing a Costco run, Spirit and the Angels were lining up a different bag of provisions. Yes, God had taken over my event orchestrating and putting in place a perfect synchronicity that would at some point in the evening allow me to “see the light”. But I, quite frankly, had no clue!
At first no one came, it was really slow, and so all the readers and vendors were kind of sitting around for awhile chatting and snacking. I started to realize what a special group of strong entrepreneurial professional woman were assembled under my roof. It was a very unique energy. It was productive, fun, business minded but loving. Because we are all Spiritual in one way or another there was no competition. It was quite amazing. It made me feel warm and fuzzy. It started my wheels turning…
Had I become a barracuda with a big old sloppy heart? I had to evaluate this new hypothesis, but then people started coming and the house was busy with Readings and Reiki and people selling and buying… things were under way and I went into manager mode.
And then it happened…my energy was pulled in another direction as several people came that I never expected to…people I know through my real estate business, neighbors, and one woman who was a total stranger that had just moved here from out of state and came in off the signs. One by one they came to me, not for a reading or reiki or curiosity or to scoff at what I was doing but to heal. Yes heal! To me!? They were led to this place to heal! It cannot be described any other way. The woman new to town said “I have been so lost, I am looking for a community”, I watched her bask in the acceptance of her new “tribe”. She came up to me crying , “I was led here , this is what I’ve been looking for it’s amazing what you’ve created”, she said to me as we hugged like we knew each other for a lifetime. I suddenly saw what this event was truly about. I missed the meaning in the creation of it but it seeped into my brain and heart now. I know she and I will be great friends! I had forgotten there are other lonely people in the world. In her embrace I heal too as I realize I am not the only one. I should be reaching out to others, helping us all!
Another woman I know for years through my real estate career, who works in an attorney’s office came with her young daughter who teaches yoga. I had not seen her in a long time, I thought we were just acquaintances. But she sought me out, she came to reach out. An extremely private and quiet person she started to open up to me about some challenges in her life. They were not unlike my own, health issues and her Mom’s passing. She was impressed that I got myself in shape the last few years and, she had tears in her eyes and asked if I could help her get healthy and maybe go to Yoga together… I was thrilled! And I was very flattered. When she turned to speak to someone else her daughter came to me and said “My Mom is so fond of you and she was so excited to come tonight, take her under your wing, please”. I think my mouth dropped open. In their search for healing I feel my own wounds disappear. You never know who is watching your journey. We are always afraid of criticism and rejection we forget there are people we don’t even know rooting us on watching us sending us love!
A woman and mortgage broker I randomly met while doing a real estate open house a week ago came too. Through conversation we had both discovered that we are single and have similar spiritual philosophies. In fact she reads cards too. So, I invited her to come meet my friends. I can’t believe how she fits in like she has known us all forever. Often times when you change your life you
have people fall way from you as your beliefs change and they become judgmental or you have little left in common. I had a large group of friends I used to go out with, but nowadays I am usually home choosing to stay in. I choose the quiet instead of the chaos of the bar and club scene, but it gets lonely sometimes.
At the end of the evening everyone was hugging me goodbye. We were all amazed that we have met each other so randomly. She invited me to Claudio’s that Sunday with her group of friends. I was overjoyed. It’s one of my favorite places in summer. The idly tossed invitation was caught by my heart. Could it be Spirit is sending me kinder, gentler friends to hang with?
I was stunned from all of these experiences and as I watched the night unfold I saw so many people connecting, sharing and I realized this had become an unbelievable business networking event and love in! It’s the only way to describe it. Standing in my living room I could feel Spirits hand in mine, I could feel his voice say "This is your life Georgia". And then I felt my head connect to my heart and I closed a huge gap. I was no longer living in two worlds... God showed me how to integrate it all, my business and my spirituality, my heart and my head. Spirit was using me as a bridge between the material physical business world and the spiritual metaphysical world and using my experience to put people together in such a synchronistic way it was not to be believed.
So much laughter, fun, tears, brainstorming and healing was happening that I was speechless! Laying here in bed staring at the ceiling hours later I’m still amazed. Three and a half years ago I was dangling from a pipe in my storeroom ending my life and tonight I am ecstatically happy and proud of myself. How did I get here… to the culmination of this beautiful life where God showed me what I am meant to do? Miracles, everyday miracles.
Tonight I can’t sleep, but not from pain or despair. I can’t
sleep because I finally see the light and it is so bright it won’t let me sleep. Tonight God made me feel, special, useful, talented, gifted and worthy. I am basking in His light and there is so much love. I am full. I am satisfied. I am absolutely bursting with gratitude.
Tonight standing in my living room among God’s creations and blessings, I heard His call, I saw the light. I am meant to connect people, create, promote, teach, uplift, love. I am a bridge.
This is my calling and I shall finally answer it. Life is all about connections… and I love making them, putting people together and watching what happens. I didn't know the most important connection I would ever make was when my heart finally connected to my head allowing me to use all of my gifts in one place and create an amzing space... It’s the Georgia Rose Connection… my favorite place.
Thank you to all the beings that came to visit at the first "Girl’s Night Inn” the ones from our physical world and the ones from other realms for truly we were blessed by Spirit and Angels this night.
Peace on your journey,
PS... Aerosmith said it best.....
My dog Sparky is a hopeless beggar. It’s my own fault. I have never eaten a meal in front of him that I didn’t share. And yes I admit it, I let him drink the milk out of my cereal bowl every morning, and share my ice cream too.
The other day while savoring a particularly perfect, rare and juicy hamburger he sat expectantly by me. This burger was so good I was relishing every morsel and then I looked in his beautiful, hopelessly committed eyes and we both knew, I would surrender the last piece. I really wanted that last juicy bit and almost had it in my mouth when... I gave it to Sparky. That simple action opened the door to something deep inside me. Suddenly realizations about my life started to come swiftly.
I want to look at someone through beautiful, hopelessly, committed eyes with a knowing and no fear of rejection... I want a man who would give me his last bite…
If I was cast away somewhere with Sparky and we were stranded and starving I would still give Sparky the last bite. It would be… die together or not at all, such is our bond. We have a heart cord. It’s invisible but it ties us together. There is no fear of rejection that severs our cord with an icy defensive blade. There are no wounds to act out between us. Our connection is pure and as such it is indestructible. He senses my moods energetically, silently appearing by my side when I need him or think of him. I treat him the way I would want to be treated and I am not able to be any other way but kind to him. My heart simply won’t let me. Isn’t that what I long for from my friends and a partner?
I remember once when Sparky was a puppy he ran away. I got hysterical and I thought it was because I was rather fragile and scared. It was a sad time in my life and I was so attached to him… but that wasn’t why. As my thoughts turn back to that incident I realize that I was mad as hell he left me. As I roamed the streets looking for him, I kept thinking I wasn’t good enough and he was out looking for a better home…even my dog had rejected me. It was the only time I screamed
and yelled at him and threatened him with a rolled up magazine when he got home. I was awful. It was awful. The fear inside me vented as rage. I am still ashamed of it to this day.
We have all been rejected many times in our lives, a terrible
feeling whether caused by parent and siblings and friends and spouse and lovers. In many cases my feelings of rejection have been more extreme than normal, such as parental abandonment as a child. Yet, I have somehow found the strength to learn from these experiences. In their bittersweet goodbyes and the wrenching lonely keening of my soul in the night, I have clawed out the painful truth of my responsibility for whatever part I played in these rejections. I have done my life reviews ad nauseum, holding myself under a microscope to overcome many shortcomings. But even after much self improvement and growth, this pattern of abandonment was so bold, so relentless, so circuitous, and so unforgiving that there had to be something more to it.
Through my Spiritual studies I came to understand, that this was a lesson contracted as part of my soul contract. The contract made before birth between God and me.
And God would keep orchestrating circumstances that, based on my free will choices, could create the outcome where the lesson is revealed ...over and over until I REALLY learn it.. My life was constantly cleared of people close to me so that in my loneliness, in my rejection and in my stillness I would see my lesson. It’s as if I chose to feel rejected by almost everyone I ever loved for a reason. In effect I chose to break my own heart as a way to grow and learn and eventually come to understand one of the major pieces of this lifetimes puzzle. These situations were happening so I could solve one of my life’s mysteries as it were. I realize I must be very brave to have contracted such a lesson. In some perverse way, that makes me feel good about myself. But, what pray tell is the lesson? What is Spirit trying to teach me? I had to get to
the bottom of this! So the pattern would be released once and for all.
Admitting my Scorpio moons tendency to wallow - heck, almost drown in the emotion of events, I decided to self correct. I start to evaluate things logically as the observer without emotion. In that clear space I realized the common denominator. .. the puzzle piece that fit every puzzle of rejection thus far in life.
I saw very clearly , that once I had allowed these relationships to measure my self worth something happened that would end them.
Each time it was as though at some point I had tossed an invisible “self worth wand” that held the power to measure my value to another person! I would find myself quietly enduring silence as a withheld compliment . I would internalize a last minute cancellation and allow it to make me feel “less than”. Another’s criticism became a reason to beat myself up.
Yet I would easily forgive egregious behavior, taking it on the chin and appearing untouched by it. I was a strong successful woman but once the “self worth wand” had been tossed over, I became preoccupied with getting it back through insidious ways. Wearing the right dress, a particular shade of lipstick, my hair a certain way, preparing an elaborate meal or simply talking about a work success, became a grasping for a well placed “you look beautiful or “wow you are awesome” or “I Love you “ that never came. And the friendship or relationship was doomed thereafter, it would only be a matter of time before it washed up on the rocks of
ego, fear and self protection. I then would once again be a victim of a self fulfilling prophecy born from the primal fear of rejection.
Sparky had my heart completely because I had no fear of rejection with him!
Was this strong independent successful woman really so weak and needy? No. She was just a slow learner, bound by primal fear and so wounded, her instincts were misguiding her. She just didn’t “get it” until now!
Finally after a life time of disappointments and beating myself up over rejections, it took a furry four legged goof ball to teach me.
That day years ago when Sparky ran away, he taught me and revealed just how much of my power I was allowing others to take from me. I saw my worth only as it was measured through others actions. When I felt rejected by Sparky's running for freedom, I was seeing myself through an opinion I projected on a dog? He took off because he was a DOG, not because I wasn’t good enough!! (Now ladies, no metaphors intended here, of course)
And there it is……Forgive the people who reject you and you will be free from the fear of inadequacy, because there is no such thing as rejection, not in reality. YOU control it. It is an emotion you choose to feed to yourself when you lack worth. It is a place you fear when you lack worth. Often our lack of worth is buried underneath success and confidence and independence because it is primal, born from a fear of separation from your creator. You can only feel rejected when you measure yourself through another’s eyes and take their value of you as truth.
When that opinion is not the true value of you, we often feel misjudged along with rejection.
The only value that matters is the way you see yourself and the way God/Spirit sees you. When you live in and connect with that truth no one can ever reject you. There is no pain because another’s opinion has little cause for violation of your worth.
When we live in the fear of rejection it is a separation from your connection with yourself and God. Know what you are worth in the eyes of our divine Creator and rejection cannot penetrate the love that Spirit has for you and the love you have for yourself.
Knowing that cures the fear of rejection. My Dog has no
fear of rejection and so gives unconditionally.
Sparky is free and he taught me how to be free. In his eyes I found that trust has no fear. In his furry warm body I found that love has no fear. The walls of my prison have crumbled because I no longer live in fear of rejection, no longer afraid to feel “small” or not good enough or “less than”. I no longer allow that fear to separate me from myself or my Divine Creator. I now know rejection is just misplaced credibility. So before you toss someone your “self worth wand” ask yourself is this person’s actions and opinions more credible, than my own and God’s? Am I giving them the power to determine my worth? Only God and I can do that!
As my friend Lorraine said to me “Would you take a hammer to a
beautiful masterpiece? “
… So then…. why
toss anyone the magic wand that determines what you are worth?
Blessings on Your Journey,
Years Since My Last Cancer Treatment
June 17, 2014 at 12:25pm
Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my last cancer treatment. I was sitting in my office at the Westcott Group working on the computer when I realized the date. Suddenly I felt claustrophobic
like the bright yellow walls were closing in on me. I’ve so rarely felt like that, there in my second home. The space I lovingly created, where ambition flourishes and ideas come into razor sharp focus, was suddenly cutting off my concentration. My thoughts kept turning to Sloan Kettering and those days spent on an icy radiation table. This was no way to spend this day. I had to celebrate and honor my life! I got up and left.
I went home put on yoga pants and a tank top, jumped in my
car, put the top down, cranked the music and sped off to my sacred place. Field 5 – Robert Moses – the Lighthouse. The wind blew the cob webs out of my head on the way. It was a gorgeous day, the kind you would order if you had a divine weather menu! Blue sky and puffy white clouds, bright sun and 78 with no humidity. I started to feel my blessings.
I remember when the Doctor told me I had cancer; I thought
what about my beautiful life!!? Someone sucker punched me in the forehead and I wasn’t sure how long the “stun” was gonna last. It lasted for quite some time. ..
I remember the first time I went to Sloan for my treatments; I still couldn’t believe a cancer hospital was on my agenda. It had been a long road, 5 biopsies, 3 surgeries the cancer was gone but I still wasn’t well and they needed to treat me. I was embarrassed to be topless in front if all these doctors and techs … strangers. At first I would wonder who watched me from behind the
glass in the radiation suite as I lay there still trapped in the dis-ease fighting with all my might. After the second week of daily treatment I didn't care "just save my life” I would think as I stripped down and lay on a cold table half naked. My technicians became my friends ,my lifesavers, my rocks. I learned to depend on the kindness of strangers. I never told anyone but on my last day of treatment they had to help me off the table because I was hysterical crying clinging to my only caregivers. I did not want to leave them. All those months I couldn’t reach out to anyone else because
I refused to acknowledge a disease within me and only focused on the healthy side of my body. So every day for 6 weeks of treatment Neonila and Angie gave me the support no one else gave me. I felt that as long as I kept coming here, to this big building full of lifesavers, coming to them, nothing would happen to me but without them and their machines and exams, cancer would come and kill me. I couldn’t tell anyone my fear! When faced with the realization I wouldn’t be coming to see them anymore I collapsed. For what seemed like a very long time in their arms I let it all out, as they just quietly held me … and then I pulled myself up and went home and lay in a beach chair on my patio with a blanket for a long time.. I didn’t go back to life for a few weeks that summer, brain fog and exhaustion had set in and yet I wanted to taste my beautiful life so badly.
Yesterday I went to my sacred place where the wind and the sun and the sea and the deep blue sky are my church and I worshiped life at its beautiful natural alter. I anointed myself with all its joys and sorrows and pain and laughter, and depth and silliness and I felt so very grateful for myself and all the things and people I have walked with. I stroked a soul full of anticipation for what comes next as my imagination fingered its ripe promise. I felt renewal, sweet, joyful renewal, prana my life force so strong under a blazing sun as waves crashed and birds cried out.
Cancer is an alarm with no snooze button, you either wake up or die in your sleep. A lesson began for me the day the doctor told me I had cancer. In some ways the sickness made me healthy. I learned that it doesn’t matter if someone else isn’t “feeling it” or if they don’t “get it” because whether you are lying
on a table in a cancer hospital or running in the surf on a beautiful June day sometimes you just have to be your own best friend. And celebrate your life, every precious, rotten, glorious moment of it, embrace it, appreciate it and don’t miss a thing!
Oh and your never too old for the bouncy slide!
Peace and love
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose