Beliefs are formed over a lifetime. When your heart is open they change every day based on what is revealed and what we choose to see. Like water running over boulders they reflect the ebb and flow of notions worn away, and chiseled out by the things that happen to us . We rely on the tangibles of our life to discern truth from fantasy. When it is really the truth of our non tangibles, the things we can't see and hear, like love and desire that make up what is most important in life!
So many of our thoughts run around in our heads, like caged squirrels forming what we decide to believe in. Our pre conditioned notions of "how it should be", and "no I can't do that" and family of origin teachings start to mold us at birth and sometimes don't stop until we die. They form our reasons and checklists for what we THINK we want and what is possible and impossible. We deny ourselves our hearts desires if they don't fit into our schematic of life or the "box" we have assigned it. Most of us respond to new ideas from an instinctive place of extreme disbelief and we limit the things that we allow ourselves a chance to understand and experience.
We falsely think all the answers to life are in our head. If we could just "figure it out".
But the answers found there are often ego based. And it's the place where decisions are made from fear and anger and pride. The truthful answers are in our heart. They are there waiting for us to listen to them in the silence above what the symphony in our head tells us is the right thing to do.
Sometimes we let life get in the way of the important things; I have often been guilty of that. I've let life get in the way of the feelings in my heart and missed out on many opportunities. I let many people go that I probably should not have. When I lost my Mother and when I lost my best friend I vowed to never again miss an opportunity to spend time with someone special because of a circumstance my ego told me to avoid. I was programmed to think too much with my head, intellectualize and analyze and worry and sit on the fence to try and make sense of things. Never realizing while I was chasing those squirrels around my head I was missing the "good" stuff!
I have since learned to reprogram myself because I wanted to taste and feel and know life and love and not sit on the sidelines "deciding what is right" while missing the experience.
Just recently I cleared much drama out of my life, unhealthy people, situations and attachments that distracted me from being true to my heart and living my best life. When I cleared these things that had been the source of the "noise" in my head my anxiety and fragmentation disappeared and I became serene and clear. My focus is now sharp and productive and aimed on the things that matter most to me. The source I decide from is now my feelings and desires instead of constant conflict. The result is my life decisions are more satisfying and my choices more authentic and represent my true desires. I feel satisfied and whole almost as if by magic!
The truth I learned is that the mind holds no answers when it comes to understanding the overwhelming nature of life. Only the heart can experience the truth of all tragedy and beauty and connect with others. The heart holds all the answers.
To truly experience life we have to use our hearts not our minds.
what if just for today you wiped your slate clean,
threw out your checklists and "it can't be so's" and replaced your minds instinctive disbelief for a new perspective. What if today you live from the stirrings in your heart! Can you be wide open to receive information without judgement and process it from your heart not your head? What if you woke up today and completely opened to the universe and all it's possibilities and simply said "Today I will follow my heart, wherever it leads me"!
I dare say you may experience magic or at least a miracle or two! Abbra Cadabra......Let's try it.....
Peace and Love,
I blew out my long blonde hair straight and shiny, put on a beautiful dress and a pair of very high heels. When I slide into the drivers seat of my sleek sports car I do one last make up check in the rear view and then drive alone through streets we used to ride together. I swallow a butterfly and he lands under my rib cage as I pull into the parking lot of the local restaurant. Tonight I will attend an important social meeting. You will be there sitting across the room at another round table with your cronies. Drinking and laughing as my club and your club share a joint session. My heart holds no feeling for you. Love used to live there, now there is nothing really. Maybe a little fondness for years spent at your side, in your embrace, comforted by your quite presence. But not much really. No anger or negative feelings, no happy or goodness bubbling inside..just a kind of neutral.
So why the nerves? Because I don't want to falter, I want to fly!
Because tonight I will take my place again. Fill the seat I vacated years ago and left void because of you and the mud you covered us with . Tonight I take back my power and remember who I am. I stand in a space I long ago proudly created. You will no longer keep me away. I am not your victim. I am not the poor dear who was abandoned. I will not be humiliated and talked about. No. Tonight I will not allow that to be my story. Tonight my story changes. I walk alone into the room. I used to walk in on your arm. But I am proud. I am confident. The war is over. It is time for me to return to camp victorious.
I saunter into the restaurant, smile in check. Your mans club members are are all at the bar, one by one they come over with sincere greetings and hugs and kisses all around. I breathe a sigh of relief as I am welcomed with open arms. This is your sandbox and they have just let me in and shared a pail and shovel. You do not look happy. I do not care. I have let go, I am sad for a minute that you have not. Your pain is evident, you are uncomfortable. Your ego doesn't like me on your turf. I don't take on your pain or guilt I shield myself. I am no longer responsible for your feelings... only my own. I have moved on. I have a good life.
Me without you...not so bad.
This evening I shine! Everyone tells me how wonderful I look and that I must be doing well. Compliments come in all sizes and from all around. Some of your friends whisper in my ear , "You look hot!" I just chuckle softly. The kudos mean nothing really, except that they soothe the fear that I would no longer be accepted here in the place I forfeited in our battle. It's almost unbelievable that I have slipped right back into my old well earned seat as smooth as silk. I am feeling pretty elated. I have missed some of these people and the good works we do. I am remembered for past works and successes. I am patted on the back. I get lots of attention. But that is not the victory I came for.
No. The victory I came for has nothing to do with you or anyone else in the room.
This win is about me. I didn't come here for attention and compliments, or to compete with you. I didn't come here to be noticed. I came here for me.
I came to take my place and take back something satisfying to me that I have missed. I came here to make sure I have released you from my life and that you haven't any effect on me anymore. I came here to make sure you no longer matter. I came here to make sure my body and mind found the gear marked N for neutral. I came here to make sure I have moved on and that I am healthy. I came here to see if all the grueling work I have done to grow and move past the debacle that we became was successful. I came to see if I have let it all go. This is my life final. My last test.
I sit across the room and you are in my line of vision. I survey you and sweet Jesus I feel nothing but contentment ... grateful that I am me without you. It feels right. Oh!, how I never thought it would and there it was. I no longer regret the past. There is no mourning the "what if's". I feel no connection, no emotion. I want to jump up and do a fist pump and a woo hoo! but I stay seated the picture of perfect poise.
I am grinning like an idiot, now. I am so freaking happy it is over. My war is over. This moment is only about me and my victory of a fully completed circle back to wholeness.. I no longer give you any importance or influence on my essence.
I realize we have gone around the room introducing ourselves and I am next. I stand and give my name as a past president of my club and I say I am privileged to be a supporter and to know the men in your club because they are a wonderful group of guys. Your "boys" applaud me and shout "Yeah!", they didn't do that for anyone else. It was their way of welcoming me "home". No one could know that their perfectly timed applause washed over me in celebration of the personal victory in my soul. They are cheering on my new life.
They said "you are one of us"! I was so touched, it was beautiful. But even the external reverie could not measure up to joy inside me at my inner victory this night.
I say my goodnights and give hugs all around. I come over to you and I move in for a hug. I feel a warmth. No more than just a human to human feeling and I am truly proud that you will be president of your club soon. But you exude no warmth, there is a frozen chill, an underlying anger and a definite resentment. You are still holding You are not free, for you the war rages on.
I feel a sadness start to seep into my breast for you. And then I look at you and I stop. As I turn to leave I toss my burgeoning sadness back to you. Those feelings are not meant for me they belong to your journey, your battle, it is your own. I have no weapons cocked, I have dropped the rope. I retreated to wash my hands of the tragedy we became. I know I can't write my next chapter if I am still reading the last one.
I separate my journey from yours. I choose me. I forgive you because I deserve to live in peace. My work is done! The love we shared is no longer in our hearts. I released it out in the universe with all the other feelings we brought to each other good and bad.. My life has nothing to do with you. There is no anger, pity, jealousy, grief, sadness, envy, lack or bitter taste. I wish you only peace. I am free! My war is over! You are part of history and you do not influence my future. It must be a miracle but I am over you . I am over us. I am over it!!
Once again I slip into the drivers seat of my sports car, it is time to go home. But I have already come home. Only hours have passed, yet I am completely different and peaceful inside. My energy has shifted. I feel like a new person.
I pass the boat basin on Main Street and am amazed at the big glowing moon in an inky black sky reflected over the water. I remember it is the new moon in Scorpio. New moons are for releasing and letting go.
A perfect moment passes through me as I realize I have never felt so happy in my life! My happiness grows even bigger as I realize the source is from inside me, just me, myself and I sharing this beautiful moment . Basking in the culmination of years of soul work to let go of all that pain and toxic emotion . I have found forgiveness and freedom.
I realize my life belongs to me. I laugh into the night and hit the gas, the spring wind from the open windows tangles my hair, but I don't care all I can think of is that ... I never felt so happy and ...I can't wait for tomorow..! I inhale deeply taking in the salt air, the earth, the inky black sky and the glowing passion of the Scorpio moon!
I made it through....Thank God! I made it through!
Blessings and Happy New Moon...
Sunlight pours through my kitchen window and birds chirp loudly as I cook myself french toast and slice fresh strawberries. It's a beautiful warm Sunday morning. It's Mothers Day. Spring is here! My Ipod plays the eclectic song list of my favs in the background. I am alone and happy. I find myself dancing around the kitchen as Sparky lays in the doorway giving me an odd look. I feel happiness bubble up in my chest and I laugh out loud although no one but my dog can hear me.
"There was a time when I was so broken hearted, love wasn't much of a friend of mine" , Steven Tyler and Aerosmith croon as I sing along. And suddenly I am aware of my story. Thanks Steven Tyler and of course the Universe for making me "hear it".
There was a time during the winter of my life, when my heart was dormant and lay dying. I hated to wake up and face the day, it loomed before me and seemed an insurmountable struggle. A tough place to be for someone like me, born with a blessing over their head and a spark in their eye! It was unsettling for one who always looks on the bright side to have a broken heart that could not feel much of anything good. My home was such a cold, lonely, silent ,place filled with reminders of loss and pain. But this morning everything was very different I felt blessed and the spark was back in my eyes..
When did it all change?
When had my winter given way to this beautiful Spring? Happiness and contentment had crept into my life like the slow budding of a flower and now the rose had bloomed so vibrant that you had to stop and notice the beauty of it. How different my home feels now. It is warm and inviting and peaceful and overflowing with love. It is now filled with music and my laughter. How different are my Winter and Spring. Yet, both are seasons I created.
The soft loving energy from the night before lingers in my home, my sacred space. The energy is from a home filled with friends and a Reiki Share and pot luck dinner. Mothers Day is always a sad one for me, my own Mom has passed and there is no one that calls me "Mom". But this year I made an effort to change that story. I would make Mothers Day a special occasion for myself, for others. I held a Reiki share the night before honoring the Blessed Mother and all the Mother energies in our lives passed and here. It was an evening that I can only describe as a "love in". An evening of positive vibrations and kindness and gratitude. It filled my home with laughter and good friends in a loving space where there is no judgement only acceptance and support. These friends are my tribe. We carry each other when injured in life's battles and we celebrate each others joys with ceremony and gratitude .
I am proud.
Of myself. Of the life I created. That I created wholeness from my broken place. It was not easy to fight my way out of despair and create this beautiful life. Mine was a heroic struggle to find the courage to love again from a shattered heart. It took tremendous bravery to face the fear from my own betrayals and trust another human again. I had to shed layers of pain before I uncovered the valor needed to stand firm and be steadfast and trustworthy for myself and others. It was a hard brutal Winter but I finally made it through to my Spring. It was a slow process often made of two steps forward one step back. But I managed to slowly, slowly reach out and connect with others and with myself . Each of those connections gave me the strength to reach for the next one like the tiny threads in a big huge homemade quilt. Each thread was as important as the next . They each somehow inspired me to create a bigger quilt. And in loving each of these people I have come to love parts of myself until finally I love all of me the dark and light. I think of all the people in my life as my beautiful colorful threads! We are all intertwined and sewn together to create a connection of love and support for one another. I have many different groups and individuals whose threads sew my life fabric .
There are "going out" friends and "spiritual" friends and "work" friends and "charity club" friends. The people around me have been a lesson in diversity and acceptance for me. I honor myself and choose carefully surrounding myself with positive, sincere, supportive people. Some pass through to walk with me for a short time, some have been with me a long time and there are others I've yet to meet. I choose to live my best life to lead by example and I want be an inspiration for others to ease their burdens on their life journey.
What life have you created? We choose what to create. We decide the way we live. Is it hard to thrown your legs over the bed every morning and live your day or do you love your life? When you find your life in despair you have to choose to love yourself and know you deserve to have a rich beautiful life. You have to decide to create a different life. I chose to heal and ease my grief and loneliness by reaching out, making connections, loving myself and others. I now live in gratitude not grief. This morning was waaaay better than other mornings before. I decided to create a new story. If I can do it so can you! The first thing you have to do is DECIDE.
Peace and Love,
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose