FROM MY JOURNAL
Saturday October 11, 2014 - 4:42 PM
It's not easy to straddle these two worlds. I struggle at times. I could use the support, talks, insights of some of those friends and friendships that have fallen away. But it is not to be. Not today anyway. Today, I stand alone with one foot in each world. Trying to choose like a boomerang with no will, between old ego and new heart. Seeing inside the space between what curiously can't be real and is, and what I thought was real and is not. I sit here desolate with nothing to keep me company but the winds of change. Confused and lonely not sure where I am going. A breeze constantly swirls about me. I find a soft place under the tree of my life as it sheds its leaves of divine love upon me. The leaves swirl with understanding and with fear yet I play in them like a child enthralled yet leery. Meditation has become my amusement and my source of connection. It makes my life my teacher and friend. I wish to share it. The wonder and reward of it all deserves companions. This transformation deserves connection. Most times there are none.
I feel a curious sense of anticipation, like I am waiting for an old friend to arrive- yet at the same time there is a patient acceptance of time flowing as it should. My discomfort from the isolation and loneliness is becoming comfortable. I am not sure how that can be - it just is. I feel small as though I am a mere piece in a larger plan yet so special to be part of whatever plan is unfolding. I suffer yet I am pleased to be here. I realize this is transformation and for the first time in my life I am experiencing trust. I trust this time. I trust this experience. My soul can feel the old friend I await is peace. I know him not from this life but from before. Peace. He is coming...
I trust my suffering will end. I know my resurrection is somewhere behind all this pain. This mini crucifixion is not a curse. Faith tells me it is a blessing. I have chosen like so many others to transform into grace. The process is not for the weak of heart. I have been in turmoil for so long now. But In my darkest hours faith is beginning to replace fear. And so in those darkest hours I can now see the light of grace. The love of Spirit. I am starting to see the way out of this loneliness and shame I have felt forever. For the first time in my life there is calm. I now know what trust is. I trust myself.
I have come to understand I will always straddle two worlds. The real and the unreal, but now they have switched places. The things I can not see are more important and real than those I can. My strength does not come from what I can touch but what I feel. My authentic power comes from knowing everything in this moment is exactly as it should be. I accept my suffering. I accept my harmony. Home has become my heart and I can live anywhere trusting each moment.
I now know how to LET IT BE. I play that song daily - it is a meditation of sorts. It makes me feel in my core the sweet anticipation of the great things to come. Once your soul remembers its power the nights are not so dark and life becomes intensely beautiful even the suffering.
Thank you God for your grace. I cherish what you teach me and I promise to share it.
Peace and love,
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose