There was a time when I was in love with Pizza. I considered myself a Pizza connoisseur. In my quest to find the epitome of this thinly crusted, saucy, cheesy combination of culinary perfection I rejected a lot of very fine Pizza. Pizza is not so easy to get right. What seems like a simple food has a lot of complicated ingredients. Just the sauce alone takes much consideration when rating the overall experience. If the sauce is too spicy or too sweet …game over. And the crust being the foundation of the whole thing can ruin even an otherwise appealing and attractive experience. Of course, my palate wasn’t the only judge, a perfect slice had to look good too. My search took me far and wide.
I had an idea in my mind and tummy, of what the perfect pizza would look like and taste like- hell even smell like when I found it. A slender thin crispy crust, with a perfect sauce and bubbly cheese just browned to perfection and a sprinkling of sesame seeds on the round top portion of the ends. Hmmm my mouth waters now just thinking of it.
I was connected to my soul mate pizza even before we met. It would be a match made in proverbial pizza heaven. I looked in many fine restaurants and lots of divey pizza parlors for my ideal. I came close a couple times. But I am not sure I ever found the perfect slice of pizza. As I said I rejected a lot of very good pizza’s. Oh, sure I tried to accept them for a while but in the end, they were judged for their too fat or too thin crust, a rubbery or brittle soul. Their sauce would inevitably prove to be too spicy or weak and some left a bitter aftertaste. Cheese was a big thing too- sometimes it was too clingy to the dough, sometimes it slid off too fast and had no commitment to the foundation of the slice. For a while I resorted to making pizza at home just to “do it my way” thinking the quest would have better results with me in charge of the creation.
You know where I'm going with this right?....
Years later I realized my Pizza Hunt was a metaphor for finding the perfect connection. It was just another way my ego acted out its childish indulgences and “wants”. It felt entitled to what it craved. We all crave the perfect connection. You know, the one person we dream of being with in life, our twin, our soul mate who will swoop in with butterflies and roses and solve all life’s challenges. C’mon in our naivete’ we all dream of that. If only…
Reminiscing of that silly time made me understand a lot about love and connection. I was searching for an illusion I created out of a misguided ideal. In my search for the connection I was in fact disconnecting. My judgement of anything less than ideal disconnected me from love and gratitude for what is real. A couple of times I was even angry and frustrated at a disappointing experience from a slice that didn’t live up to expectations. Don’t laugh. I know we have all been there.
The emotions and pattern of my perfect pizza search was a mirror for the way I had searched for friends and partners. In my critical judgement, I was not aware and appreciative of some wonderful people. Maybe I could have been more loving and kind if I connected without judgement. And maybe I would have had more experiences made richer by qualities in people I never really gave a chance. Just like the rubbery crusted pizza’s I threw in the dumpster- some had a fine sauce!
I often complained of loneliness and feeling disconnected but in fact I was in part doing that to myself. When we reject and judge we are in fact sometimes disconnecting from love. Someone slightly wounds us and we become rigid and refuse to forgive and so we ignore their overtures of friendship, when they may be a truly loving person who simply miss stepped. But we judge harshly and exclude them from our life. I have done that. I have had it done to me.
What makes us tolerate injustice from some and harshly exclude others? Usually the more harshly judged are our mirrors. They push on a sore we need to heal. Exclusion can often hurt, not just the one excluded. In our separation, we disconnect from the one thing that is real – love and become lost in the illusion of our judgements. Judgements that prevent us from having love and compassion for ourselves and our wounds. Of course, I am not referring to people who do us egregious harm that do not serve us. That is not judgement but discernment. I am talking about judging harshly family and friends who love us and who we may still have purpose with and who we may enrich each other’s lives in connection. Separation is sometimes just another form of judgement. Maybe those rubbery crusted pizza's reminded me too much of my own weaknesses.
And thus, we become morally outraged. We have certainly seen enough of that with the current political climate for instance. There are many lifelong friends falling out with moral outrage over different beliefs. There is no room for compassion when you are morally outraged. It breeds hate, anger, prejudice and finally separation and disconnection from love.
Love is true compassion. True compassion is when we embrace ourselves or someone else - faults and all and accept what is. Compassion is love without being tied to an outcome. Compassion is love for the sake of loving. Compassion is gratitude for the opportunity to love another like that. This connects us to all things. Expectation for an outcome and predictions of negative intent disconnect us, it puts us in separation and brings loneliness.
There is an awful lot of pizza I wasted. I threw a lot of lonely slices in the dumpster. Maybe I should have just eaten the crust or the cheese and accepted the good parts. My mind was so critical of the experience, that the good part was ruined. If I had not been looking for the fault I would have enjoyed a lot of slices. Now a days, I love all pizza. I embrace even the rubberiest crust. It’s all good. I am so grateful for every slice of hot gooey crispy goodness. I mean really what’s a bad pizza?? I LOVE ALL PIZZA!
And I love everybody. I offer friendship to everyone. I exclude and turn my back on no one that has good intention. Friendship transcends all. I am connected. I am compassion. I am not judgement. I am free. And pizza taught it all to me. I guess I found the perfect pizza after all!
Peace and love,
The Day My Work Began
In the very first blog I ever wrote in April of 2014, I told the story of the day I attempted to make my last one on earth - April 5 of 2011. It was the worst day and the best day of my entire life! It was the day my work began. In fact, 3 years later. my business Georgia Rose Connection was started on the anniversary of that date which I count as my real birthday. Obviously, I failed at my attempt to die that day and it was a good thing that my life continued, because the Universe sure had a lot more to give me. I did not know it then, but there would be much more love and joy to come than I had ever known before or could have believed possible. There were wonderful gifts to come from the source of light that created my life and who, unknown to me had complete control over it. A source that has many names, God, Spirit, Buddha, Jesus, Allah, Yahweh and yet remains nameless.
But on that day 6 years ago, overtaken by anguish and pain from extreme life events, a distorted reality had me believing there was nothing left for me but more suffering. Completely certain that I could not take one more breath from such a dark place, I welcomed death. I was so deep in grief and so consumed in pain that light had ceased to enter me. Can you imagine being in such a place and how cold and severe it would be for a soul whose only mistake was loving and trusting the wrong things and people? For a person to house a soul that has lost all hope of ever knowing love and compassion is indeed a depth of misery few can fathom.
Although life went on for me, it is indeed true that loneliness and deprivation killed me in part. It killed a sad victim, a soul with a selfish tunnel vision that could not see past her grieving heart. You see, at what could have been the final seconds of my life I survived, but I survived because I suddenly remembered someone that would care about this moment. A family member was scheduled to give birth that day. And I could not do the unspeakable to them. And so, I found myself in a panic trying to paddle back from the brink of completing an act that was truly unfathomable. I fought to live for another human and that love pulled me back into life. The light of love cracked my darkness and I followed its path. Looking back I realize I went "into service" in that moment. Someone else became greater than myself. The dot I was living in expanded to include compassion and empathy for another and it saved me.
But what pulled through was not the energy of "Georgia" that had served me through this lifetime thus far- no she died that day. She finally succumbed to the lonely empty darkness of her life as the knowledge that things could not continue as they had been stole the last breath from her wounded body. And miraculously, a renewed soul emerged - her energy was named Georgia Rose. This new soul had found in her most desperate moment, the light of love and compassion that the old part of her could not understand. A new identity was created in the compassion and forgiveness of love. In effect Source, God, Spirit had not allowed me to die but recreated me. This completely new and naked Georgia Rose now had to find her purpose and her way in the world. But the Universe supported my journey to find love for myself and meaning and purpose to my life because it was my intention from my first breath to share what I learn with the world for the benefit of all other beings. My breakdown, break through and break out could never be just for me. It was and had to be for everyone in the world.
People often talk of loneliness to me and of being alone. It is not for me to judge their pain or negate their suffering but part of me thinks that few of us know what it really is to be completely and utterly alone. To feel so alone that you have no reason to go on is truly a deep misery.
I tried not to kill myself. Suicide is not a cowardice, on the contrary it is a distortion of valor where you try desperately to find courage to go on and run out of the strength you are seeking. I remember going to yoga in a fog that morning thinking -just get around people, anyone even strangers, so you can’t hurt yourself. But when the class ended there I was facing the losses and the “alone”, again. It hurt too much to bear another second of it. When I drove home and hit the garage door button and pulled into the house I knew, I knew my life was over. There was absolutely no one to call. No one could help me. I literally wracked my brain for someone to reach out to and there…. was…simply….no…one. There Was Silence. There Was Nothing.
Some people feel the absence of a partner or companion to be excruciating, although they are surrounded by a loving family. I understand feeling alone in a crowd and I also know for some of us that is just a human condition. Feeling separate is much different than an acute loneliness that eats you out from the bowels of your body. That loneliness is a depth of hell I wish on no one. In fact, much of my work is dedicated to that condition. I do this work for the collective people of the world.
What exactly is my “work”?
I started Georgia Rose Connection in 2014 on the anniversary of my “real” birthday because it is a day of deep meaning for me. What saved me that day so long ago was feeling a connection to something greater than myself. That connection to love, to Spirit- felt in the nick of time -is why I am here gratefully breathing in every new day. I can not squander that amazing gift!
Our connections are all we have to save us and source us in this life. Our souls need love to survive. I know that better than most! And so my mission is to help souls connect. Since the day, I was reconnected to my soul through the energy of love it is my mission to put love where there is none by sharing my experiences and wisdom and gifts. In short, by sharing my connection to love and other dimensions I hope it strengthens your connections in this lifetime with love and purpose.
We must connect with love, with each other , with our souls and most importantly with Spirit and the source of our creation to feel complete. In this connection we are all united as one collective. In these connections we find joy and our purpose in this world. Through these connections of love we heal each other and the universe.
It is the darkness and lack of those connections which causes the separation and loneliness that is at the root of so much suffering in this world.
When I triumphed over death that day I did not just do it for me. In my panic when I realized what I was doing, I prayed to every soul that had been where I was and had triumphed over their pain to send me the energy of that triumph. I was filled with the energy of renewed strength and victory. I then in turn sent that energy to every living being in the same place as I was. I do not know how I knew to do this but I did and it connected me to love and put me in service to the world. That mere happening is proof of Spirits connection and how much He loves us. In that bigger picture my responsibility was clear. I had to get straight, because my lesson of suffering was not just mine, what I learned from it would reverberate around every soul in the universe. I had to love myself for every being in the world that was suffering and then I had to send that love to them. In this we are all connected.
Thus, Georgia Rose Connection was created. Using my connection to Spirit, other dimensions and the Angelic realm it is my intention to connect you to love and healing. In this, we all heal each other.
Peace and love,
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose