Many people ask me how I have come to believe in the metaphysical and psychic world as I do. The process of belief, trust and knowing is a lifetime journey for those “open” to it. Of course, once open and curious we begin with to ask for signs….and more signs as we doubt the signs shown us. For good reason when I started to suspect other realms existed Angels resonated with me. You see, I was brought up Catholic so to me Angels were safe and they had to be real because “they were in the Bible” right?
So, as I do with everything, I attack logically, tangibly. I started to read and research all I could about Angels and suddenly signs would come. I would meet someone with the name of the Angel I was researching and let’s face it some of these names were unusual. Thaddeus, Gabriel , Ariel …kind of rare, wouldn’t you agree? Or I would be driving in the car and ask “God are Angels real and among us"? And just then a van would cut me off and in big letters on its side “ANGEL ELECTRIC”, would shout at me! But even though I was obviously making an energetic connection I still doubted.
Years of society and parental conditioning tells us what we are experiencing is not real. As a result, in the beginning you doubt everything. It takes great faith and trust to believe in what we can’t see or hear or touch. It is a long journey from living life in the personality of our 5 senses to becoming multi sensory. Until the day comes (and it always does), when something happens that you know has been divinely orchestrated and after that the journey changes. The impossible is not only possible but it is so! You KNOW without doubt, what you KNOW!
One day , several years ago, I got the gift that made me “know” there were other realms and that souls are eternal and that we can connect to them. I had an experience so powerful that it could not be explained away or denied. This is what happened to squash every doubt I ever had about connecting with our loved ones after death:
It was a sad and very dark time for me. My parents had died 6 months apart. 9 months after. I was diagnosed with cancer. I had recently finished treatment only 6 months when, my best friend of 35 years died of leukemia and my husband had an affair, moved out and wanted a divorce. I was deep in grief to say the least and not functioning well but still pressing on. Friends had come round and my sisters had visited to give me encouragement. People were concerned and rightly so. But being the private person I an, I hunkered down and not many outside my immediate circle knew the depth of all that had happened in this 2 year period.
One night I got a phone call from an acquaintance, kind of friend, who worked in my office for awhile. She was Ukrainian and always talked about her dreams and her premonitions. I never paid much attention. But here she was on the phone with me randomly telling me about a dream she had. She stated that I had my mother’s things in my basement. This was all very odd to me but, I did indeed confirmed for her that I have some boxes of family photos I took from Mom’s home, but I had never opened the boxes or looked inside yet. “Your Mother left you a gift “ she said. “There is something in a blue box” she stated with great confidence. I pretended to be excited but in truth I didn’t believe her. Although some strange things had happened since my parents death and I had already begun my "Angel research" I simply thought she was "too much" an oddity and a bit over the top. We talked for awhile and then afterwards I went to bed.
Of course, as is the case when you are in deep grief sleep was elusive. So, I was up at 2AM staring at the ceiling, with a racing mind and pain in my core. I hate that deep pain, as though your chakras are weeping with sadness. Nothing eases it but love, hugs, nurturing. I had nothing to ease it. Dreadfully alone, I missed my Mom. She and my Dad had divorced under identical circumstances when I was 13. She was the same age I now was when it happened to her. History repeats. I so wished she were here to talk to me, guide me, hold me. She would have known what I was going through and her experiences would help me. I just wanted to feel her hand caress my face, to smell her and not feel so alone . My thoughts turned to the conversation earlier with the Ukranian girl. I started to hope she was right and that her dream was real.
I couldn’t help myself, I got out of bed pulled a sweater over my Pajamas and shuffled down to the basement. I went into the store room and opened one of the boxes from my Mom’s house. Her wedding album was on top…was this what I was supposed to see? Not likely. I dug around a little, there were class pictures of my brothers and sisters and a photo album of the Grand kids , none of which I would consider a “gift “ from Mom. And then I saw it. A blue box about 8 x 10 and slender like it would contain a picture frame. I opened it and it was a diary.
I have no recollection of this book. I have never seen it or seen my Mother write in it. On the cover were 2 ‘Holly Hobby’ cartoon figures, one behind the other playfully putting their hand over the others eyes in a game, with the words "‘Guess Who?" written underneath them.. and the words “Today’s Happy Moments, Tomorrow’s Happy Memories”. I opened the cover and read an inscription…
To Mom, From your loving youngest, Georgia 12/25/74.
What? Chills covered my whole body. I completely turned to goose flesh. My Mothers presence was overwhelming as if she stood next to me and hugged me. In a flash like lightening I KNEW she was with me!
I would swear I had never seen this diary before in my life. But apparently I gave my Mom a “gift”, that would 35 years later sereindipitously become her “gift “ to me. I sat on the cement floor and began to read…and there it all was. Words I could have written myself, advice and experience and her story at exactly the same time in her life, in the same circumstance as I was in just then. My Mother was comforting me and guiding me from the grave. Talking to me about her pain at her husband leaving and how she coped. I could hear her voice describing her strong faith in Jesus and her trust in the universe and all the things that gave her comfort and pulled her through.
As her words poured from page after page I could feel her love for her family and her gratitude. She was with me, right beside me being my Mom. Her presence was overwhelming but her body “she” wasn’t there. Her soul had lived on in those pages, in the telling of her life. Her soul lived on and was here with me giving comfort in the now.
Like a warm flame, a bright light came alive in my heart. If my Mother and I could connect across the realms to share these beautiful moments perhaps I could help others experience the same. This gift was not just mine,but meant to be shared with the world. Perhaps I could connect others with their loved ones to heal and gain comfort.
I sat alone on the cold cement floor of the store room, at 2AM, in pajamas, my life completely changed. You would think these epiphanies would happen with more pomp and circumstance but, there I sat at one of the most pivotal moments in my life in fuzzy slippers, sobbing on a cold cement floor.
It seemed impossible. A little girl gave her Mom a diary one Christmas that would be the catalyst for her connection to Spirit and a belief that we are all eternal. It took 35 years to come full circle. I pictured my Mom unwrapping this book one Christmas long ago as she surely must have. Even though I had no recollection of it, here it was in my hands now. How could I not believe that Spirit, God , my Mom and the Angels had found a way to comfort me by orchestrating the whole thing. With every fiber of my being I understood in that moment that the love in our souls eclipses all time and space. Love is limitless and spans all time and space. I KNOW that all is connected through our God energy. Souls are eternal.
In the final pages of her diary Mom is at peace, her life renewed. In the late 90’s at 73 she writes in the book she had not picked up for 19 years - what prompted her to do so I can not say ...but this is her final entry;
My health is not the greatest, hypertension, diabetes, arthritis of the spine and I had cancer, but otherwise I am doing great for myself! Just so nobody who reads this thinks otherwise. I am only doing great because “God” walks with me, my unchangeable “friend” Jesus. So life goes on “changes always” my strength ..my Lord ..my God!
Many of my beliefs changed that night. I understood the power of love to heal and transcend any veil, any realm. I understood the vibration that connects us comes from the source that made us. I learned that source of creation is eternal and the soul spark of it within us is too. I learned the power of the written word and its ability to comfort. I learned the stories told from our soul have such impact that they do not allow for us to fear revealing too much, only the courage to teach and share . I learned we must share our story and words can be sacred. In sharing vulnerability there is the power to heal and unify. That unity is the strength of Spirit. When we come together with open hearts full of love and wisdom we stand in the brightest light.
I realized my divine purpose that night. I committed to my journey that night. I committed to use the written word to heal and teach and learn for myself and others. I committed to using my ability to connect across the realms to bring messages of love from the other side to those grieving on earth.
That night I vowed whatever tomorrow brought, I would use my life as my teacher and my friend. Just as my Mom’s “unchangeable” friend Jesus walked with her, my guides one of whom is Jesus,the Angels and Spirit walk with me. Unchangeable in an always changing world.
My “gift” was not just that beautiful diary, my “gift” is my Mothers soul and the knowing that the love within it lives on. My gift is that I was shown this to bring such experiences to others as a channel and medium of this energy.
I love you Mummy. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For those of my friends out there grieving the loss of a loved one. The first step to healing is..
Always believe love and our souls are eternal…
So last week started out with me saying to myself...I just CANT do it anymore....I'm tired and weak and scared and fed up and life is too hard...I'll pack it in and run away......and I retreated.
I was in the throws of inner child work. Wrestling with my shadow. Trying to heal wounds from so long ago. But wounds that had to be healed in order for my life to progress forward.
I had to regress and face it all to make sense of it. So, I went back to my safe place and I detached and distanced from the world. I went more than a little numb. I went oblivious and climbed in the closet and closed the door shut behind me. This place was mine since childhood. My escape from chaos and pain, here no one could hurt me, there was nothing to feel here. I didn't have to be afraid and worry about a silly thing called love. This place had served me well and welcomed me.
In the dark sitting in my familiar cave I felt good. I was all protected and cozy. It was peaceful and quiet. No pressure. I was in charge! Screw the frustrating relationships, the expectations and demands of life. Screw it all ... the bills and the spiritual challenges, the I "have too's" and the "I need to do's". I decided I didn't need this life.
Maybe I would get a new one. Trade this one in for a better model. A life where people left me alone and I wasn't unloved and unappreciated. A life where I had no obligations, no unsympathetic or needy friends, lazy colleagues or familial judgement.
My rant continued in my isolation...
I didn't need anybody, I told myself. I could be a lone wolf , a free spirit! I didn't need to feel all this crap...this love, compassion, pain, frustration, always having to be and do and think and help and grow was a real pain in the ass! My safe place, my cave cooperated easily with this thinking. It was the place I could see everything wrong with my relationships, job, future, past ..whole life! It played music to my ears, repeating complaints and failures, showing me weaknesses and mistakes both my friends and my own.
And I loved it as the familiar floor opened and swallowed me in an encouraging downward spiral. I had all the proof I needed to distance myself and grow cold and retreat from the ones I love. None of them had enough boxes checked on my list of perfection anyway. And actually inside my cave my checklist for perfection grew ...sealing the deal that no one could ever live up to my ideals. I was off the hook. I no longer cared. It was all about me now!
We all have days like this especially those of us with Scorpio moons. We tend to wallow.. and fantasize!
I set up camp in the cave...ahhh this felt good! No pressure. I didn't have to answer a phone, say I love you, return a text, be nice or explain anything. I didn't have to keep the house clean ,do dishes, get a manicure or buy groceries, nobody was coming over to my cave. I didn't have to call anyone to see how they were or give encouragement, get pissed off by stupidity or feel anything. This was good, I was free!
My life had become waay to restrictive, I needed to bust loose. I let the darkness drive me further into crazy illusions. I fantasized about flying to Arizona hopping on the back of a friends Harley and going to Sedona. I dreamed about a for sale sign on my front lawn and people carrying my crap down the driveway as I counted cash. I wanted to throw what was left in a duffle bag in the back of my BMW convertible and squeal away into the sunset in a pair of tight low riders and a rock tee shirt. I'd buy a cowboy hat and a pair of " shit kicker" boots along the way and see Mt Rushmore and the Grand Canyon and Graceland. Drive up to Nova Scotia and live with Pema Chodrun at Gampo Abbey for a year. I could keep on the move , no ties, no headache, after all .....love stinks, people suck...Save yourself!
I should have lived in my closet, my safe cave sooner...this really was where it's at! I shut out the world further as I blasted rock music and ate a pint of vanilla Hagen Daaz while the TV played a decadent Showtime series. I went to the bakery and connected with a huge Apple turn over and a small container of actual whole milk ,and ate it in the car instead of going to yoga. I flipped somebody in traffic the bird and stopped getting up to walk the dog. I didn't show up for a board meeting or to wish someone happy birthday. I bought a new outfit instead of doing laundry. I blew off my touchy freely friends as the blood grew more icy in my veins. Who needed that crap anyway. I perfected the concerned head cocked to one side look, when needed , as my brain screamed.. I want to be ALONE!
I was having a great time! Until the email.....
My sister sent me an email. It was a video she converted of all our childhood home movies. Who the hell wanted to see that sh__! Just thinking about my childhood made me hear the echo of my fathers feet stomping up the stairs with his belt..as my stomach felt like I swallowed a hot match..No....! But for some reason I hit play....and for over an hour I saw things I barely remembered. A lifetime of retreats to my "cave" my " safe place" had blinded my vision, sealed my heart, faded part of my memory to black. Distorted reality. A whole other childhood unfolded on the screen mocking my truth! This email was prying me out of my cave, telling me it was not really where I should be.
Frame after frame I saw Christmas dinners, shared laughter, warmth, hugs. I saw My Dad playing ball with us in the street and my Mom cooking and loving her kids. All of us squeezing into the tiny kitchen table laughing eating lemon meringue pie. My brother cutting up for the camera and zany fun. My sisters and I playing hide and seek, washing our dog...there were scenes of us in Christmas dresses with piles of toys and my older brothers playing with me. My parents proudly by my side at parade events and birthday parties. Filming me feeding the ducks and sliding in the park and riding my bike..
It was all there ...a family...sharing...loving. I didn't know. I didn't remember. My cave, my closet , my protection had protected me too much. My ego had distorted and rewrote this show until the episodes played to my lifelong fear of abandonment. This distant comfortable place ...the place I went to survive had robbed me! As I fell through my own safety I realized it had betrayed me long before now. The real betrayal was in its existence.
I had distorted history into only the bad parts. My memories of the abuse and violence took over . I followed the dark side of things. Maybe the inner child work, the wrestle match with my shadow could us some light to shed the truth and balance into my reality.
The truth assaulted my heart and I emptied a lifetime of tears as I watched the show. My " family" show. All my mind could scream was "Oh my God, we were a family " there was love. Frame after frame it was undeniable ...we laughed, we loved it wasn't all pain and abuse. In a startling instant clarity washed over me. Stark bright insight that caused me to realize all I had never seen, I could feel heat rising from my toes through my whole body to the top of my head. What else in my life had I missed. How much of my life have I thrown away into that cold dark cave? How many times had I shut down, shut off , turned off the show , checked out before the good part? ...all because my fear said ...."I can't".....do...this....save yourself...
Everything in the dark is distorted. Remember when you were a kid and Mom said goodnight and shut the light...suddenly the chair became a monster and you swore something's under your bed. But it's just a chair and nothing is under the bed except some dust bunnies!
My truth slapped me in the face with a life altering blow. I could see that my "safe "place is an illusion... Like looking through a porthole under deep dark water....everything was limited and distorted. In fact I could see now that everything I thought was my safety and security was actually my restriction and my chains.
The Fear was driving my whole life. It drove me to believe in the ugly painful experiences so much that it overshadowed any loving ones. The love in my heart should have had the wheel!
It was time to get a big lantern and a broom and sweep that cave clean once and for all!
It wasn't going to be easy. Maybe I should jump out of a plane without a parachute as a primer! Same kinda feeling ...right?
This survival technique of going numb and isolation has worked in getting me through many things since childhood.. A primal instinct of my ego, I created a mechanism from fear completely void of love. I had to painfully admit that I had eventually gone there in every relationship, friendship, connection and crisis. I was either reactionary or detached. But never vulnerable. As though there was an invisible alarm button that got tripped when emotion reached a certain level, I knew when to attack and when to bolt. Danger, Danger..go numb now!! And once there I thought I was better off and happy!!! And I liked it there because I told myself, and I taught myself, that was what I deserved! Somewhere along the way at a very young age I made a decision that I wouldn't go too far towards love and I chose a distance way to far..
That email made me see reality. I stopped saying " I just can't". I've nailed the closet shut, from the outside, closed the cave forever now. I don't need that place. I need love and liberation more. It's time. Time to surrender to live the life I deserve..I'm walking towards love arms wide open....I'm setting myself free, because .....I realize....I CAN.....its that simple...and I'm going for it...open the airplane door...it's time for my leap of faith!
Love with all your heart,
I had a great convo with a friend of mine yesterday about the multitude of "life coaches" and "spiritual advisers" and "psychics" popping up everywhere. When life is overwhelming we seek answers, and there sure are plenty of people who want to give them to us!!.
Many people are more than willing to cash in on this latest trend to be the "Gurus" to the collectively confused masses. Advertising that they have "the answers"!
Why take advice from someone who cares not about the consequences of your decisions? But that's what we often do. Seeking out people whose drop and run opinions leave us more confused than we were in the first place.
In seeking, we need to honor ourselves by making careful choices about who we let into our tender spaces. Our Prana, life force is sacred. Discernment is all important.
When I was first going through my trials and challenges after much life upheavel and during my Spiritual awakening, I went to many people for knowledge and opinions about my ever changing circumstances. Some were helpful. Some didn't get it. And others sounded like they had all the answers and I would find myself hanging on to every word they told me. Only to realize weeks or months later that all or at least part of it was BS.
This happened not only with Spiritual situations but life in general. It seems that when we are vulnerable and seek answers there are plenty of people all too willing to tell you what you should do! And looking back, I judged who was qualified to be my teachers and mentors based on how much I liked them.
That is not always the best gauge when seeking a "coach" or "mentor".
I have many people in my life I "like" but just because I have a warm and fuzzy for them doesn't mean I should take their advice about my business, relationships or spiritual quest. But that is what we do. Looking back I took relationship advice from people who had terrible relationships. I took financial advice from people with no money. I took spiritual workshops from strangers without knowing their history. Why value someone's opinion before it has any value?
We like someone , so we trust them. But are they qualified to provide answers to our life questions? We often need to keep that in perspective more than we do.
Trusting your own intuition is the key to understanding wat life is offering you.
It took me a while to learn discernment. To be able to gauge who really had my best interests at heart and who didn't. And to learn who was capable of giving me good advice. And to honor myself by choosing wisely who I allowed into my personal spaces. It took some work but now I am pretty good at judging who my trusted advisers should be.
This is what I learned maybe it will help you on your journey:
1. You are the best friend you will ever have. No one cares more about your life than you do.Find a safe comfortable place to Seek your own counsel. All the answers you seek are inside your own heart and soul. When you give yourself quiet and stillness you will be surprised what awesome stuff you know. Trusting your own inner voice is the best place to find answers.
2. Meditation opens us to the wisdom in our soul. MEDITATE!
Don't pressure yourself just listen to your heart.
3. Your body NEVER lies to you. When you can't decide listen to your body. When you feel good and at ease around someone or feel anxious and uneasy therein lies your answer about their sincerity and whether you should be around them or a particular situation. Energy never lies, we feel it in our body.
4. Be wary of people who come on too strong. There is always a reason!
5. If something doesn't sound right to you , it isn't. Take a step back and observe until you have clarity.
6. Don't ignore flashes of intuition. When you get a "feeling" , it's real, go with it. Trust your instincts
7. Never rush into any decision. Sleep on it. Ask for divine guidance before sleep. Upon awakening you will have an answer.
8. When you are upset about something take a nap. You never wake up feeling the same way. Discernment is easier when you are not agitated.
9. If you feel unsure of someone, don't engage - observe. Let them show you who they really are.
10. Approach new friendships and relationships slowly. Anything lasting is worth the time to lay the foundation.
11. Listen to the way someone speaks to you. What is their intention? Praise and Criticism should be equally kind. Someone harsh and hurtful is not your friend.
12. Observe someones agenda. If it is not in alignment with yours.. step away from them. You will end up in opposition and conflict.
I am a work in progress so I am sure I still have more to learn on this subject but I am grateful to be stronger in my discernment now. The wisdom gained from my experiences has made a huge difference in my life and the way I honor it.
I am also very careful who I give and receive Reiki, IET and other healing modalities with. I honor my life energy field and am very careful who I let into it. You should never receive any Reiki or healing from someone who is sick or in emotional turmoil or that you are not comfortable with. As a healer I do not give Reiki to anyone I am uncomfortable with. I practice the same discernment when seeking spiritual counseling. Always ask someones qualifications before any counseling and see if you feel comfortable and safe with them. If you don't , do not pursue the connection.
I wish you peace and joy on your journey in this earth classroom.
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose