My dog Sparky is a hopeless beggar. It’s my own fault. I have never eaten a meal in front of him that I didn’t share. And yes I admit it, I let him drink the milk out of my cereal bowl every morning, and share my ice cream too.
The other day while savoring a particularly perfect, rare and juicy hamburger he sat expectantly by me. This burger was so good I was relishing every morsel and then I looked in his beautiful, hopelessly committed eyes and we both knew, I would surrender the last piece. I really wanted that last juicy bit and almost had it in my mouth when... I gave it to Sparky. That simple action opened the door to something deep inside me. Suddenly realizations about my life started to come swiftly.
I want to look at someone through beautiful, hopelessly, committed eyes with a knowing and no fear of rejection... I want a man who would give me his last bite…
If I was cast away somewhere with Sparky and we were stranded and starving I would still give Sparky the last bite. It would be… die together or not at all, such is our bond. We have a heart cord. It’s invisible but it ties us together. There is no fear of rejection that severs our cord with an icy defensive blade. There are no wounds to act out between us. Our connection is pure and as such it is indestructible. He senses my moods energetically, silently appearing by my side when I need him or think of him. I treat him the way I would want to be treated and I am not able to be any other way but kind to him. My heart simply won’t let me. Isn’t that what I long for from my friends and a partner?
I remember once when Sparky was a puppy he ran away. I got hysterical and I thought it was because I was rather fragile and scared. It was a sad time in my life and I was so attached to him… but that wasn’t why. As my thoughts turn back to that incident I realize that I was mad as hell he left me. As I roamed the streets looking for him, I kept thinking I wasn’t good enough and he was out looking for a better home…even my dog had rejected me. It was the only time I screamed
and yelled at him and threatened him with a rolled up magazine when he got home. I was awful. It was awful. The fear inside me vented as rage. I am still ashamed of it to this day.
We have all been rejected many times in our lives, a terrible
feeling whether caused by parent and siblings and friends and spouse and lovers. In many cases my feelings of rejection have been more extreme than normal, such as parental abandonment as a child. Yet, I have somehow found the strength to learn from these experiences. In their bittersweet goodbyes and the wrenching lonely keening of my soul in the night, I have clawed out the painful truth of my responsibility for whatever part I played in these rejections. I have done my life reviews ad nauseum, holding myself under a microscope to overcome many shortcomings. But even after much self improvement and growth, this pattern of abandonment was so bold, so relentless, so circuitous, and so unforgiving that there had to be something more to it.
Through my Spiritual studies I came to understand, that this was a lesson contracted as part of my soul contract. The contract made before birth between God and me.
And God would keep orchestrating circumstances that, based on my free will choices, could create the outcome where the lesson is revealed ...over and over until I REALLY learn it.. My life was constantly cleared of people close to me so that in my loneliness, in my rejection and in my stillness I would see my lesson. It’s as if I chose to feel rejected by almost everyone I ever loved for a reason. In effect I chose to break my own heart as a way to grow and learn and eventually come to understand one of the major pieces of this lifetimes puzzle. These situations were happening so I could solve one of my life’s mysteries as it were. I realize I must be very brave to have contracted such a lesson. In some perverse way, that makes me feel good about myself. But, what pray tell is the lesson? What is Spirit trying to teach me? I had to get to
the bottom of this! So the pattern would be released once and for all.
Admitting my Scorpio moons tendency to wallow - heck, almost drown in the emotion of events, I decided to self correct. I start to evaluate things logically as the observer without emotion. In that clear space I realized the common denominator. .. the puzzle piece that fit every puzzle of rejection thus far in life.
I saw very clearly , that once I had allowed these relationships to measure my self worth something happened that would end them.
Each time it was as though at some point I had tossed an invisible “self worth wand” that held the power to measure my value to another person! I would find myself quietly enduring silence as a withheld compliment . I would internalize a last minute cancellation and allow it to make me feel “less than”. Another’s criticism became a reason to beat myself up.
Yet I would easily forgive egregious behavior, taking it on the chin and appearing untouched by it. I was a strong successful woman but once the “self worth wand” had been tossed over, I became preoccupied with getting it back through insidious ways. Wearing the right dress, a particular shade of lipstick, my hair a certain way, preparing an elaborate meal or simply talking about a work success, became a grasping for a well placed “you look beautiful or “wow you are awesome” or “I Love you “ that never came. And the friendship or relationship was doomed thereafter, it would only be a matter of time before it washed up on the rocks of
ego, fear and self protection. I then would once again be a victim of a self fulfilling prophecy born from the primal fear of rejection.
Sparky had my heart completely because I had no fear of rejection with him!
Was this strong independent successful woman really so weak and needy? No. She was just a slow learner, bound by primal fear and so wounded, her instincts were misguiding her. She just didn’t “get it” until now!
Finally after a life time of disappointments and beating myself up over rejections, it took a furry four legged goof ball to teach me.
That day years ago when Sparky ran away, he taught me and revealed just how much of my power I was allowing others to take from me. I saw my worth only as it was measured through others actions. When I felt rejected by Sparky's running for freedom, I was seeing myself through an opinion I projected on a dog? He took off because he was a DOG, not because I wasn’t good enough!! (Now ladies, no metaphors intended here, of course)
And there it is……Forgive the people who reject you and you will be free from the fear of inadequacy, because there is no such thing as rejection, not in reality. YOU control it. It is an emotion you choose to feed to yourself when you lack worth. It is a place you fear when you lack worth. Often our lack of worth is buried underneath success and confidence and independence because it is primal, born from a fear of separation from your creator. You can only feel rejected when you measure yourself through another’s eyes and take their value of you as truth.
When that opinion is not the true value of you, we often feel misjudged along with rejection.
The only value that matters is the way you see yourself and the way God/Spirit sees you. When you live in and connect with that truth no one can ever reject you. There is no pain because another’s opinion has little cause for violation of your worth.
When we live in the fear of rejection it is a separation from your connection with yourself and God. Know what you are worth in the eyes of our divine Creator and rejection cannot penetrate the love that Spirit has for you and the love you have for yourself.
Knowing that cures the fear of rejection. My Dog has no
fear of rejection and so gives unconditionally.
Sparky is free and he taught me how to be free. In his eyes I found that trust has no fear. In his furry warm body I found that love has no fear. The walls of my prison have crumbled because I no longer live in fear of rejection, no longer afraid to feel “small” or not good enough or “less than”. I no longer allow that fear to separate me from myself or my Divine Creator. I now know rejection is just misplaced credibility. So before you toss someone your “self worth wand” ask yourself is this person’s actions and opinions more credible, than my own and God’s? Am I giving them the power to determine my worth? Only God and I can do that!
As my friend Lorraine said to me “Would you take a hammer to a
beautiful masterpiece? “
… So then…. why
toss anyone the magic wand that determines what you are worth?
Blessings on Your Journey,
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose