As I live in love my days have become gifts. Each day dawns with a beautifully wrapped box before me. No matter what tragedy or joy was inside the day before I still get excited to rip the lid off to see what this new box holds. Sometimes the contents are a WTF conondrum and sometimes the beauty or serendipity inside astounds me. But always I am grateful and welcome the gift . I no longer worry about the contents, I study it's present.
I know the universe has me fully supported. What does that mean? Some call it positive thinking but that is a phrase for 5 sensory people. When you are multi sensory positive thinking becomes a knowing, a seeing, a blind faith in all realms not just earthly, to support you. In other words I don't just hope and think positive that ... I'll get the job, catch the plane, meet the right person, find the right answer. I know all will be as it should be, I surrender it to the universe, knowing I am in good hands. Doing this frees us up to put our efforts where they are best utilized.
Saturday's gift box held an opportunity to spend time with a new spiritual mentor aptly named Dawn.. She had time for a session at a beautiful place I have never been. The Mystical Crystal is a shop in Oceanside. A space truly mystical filled with crystals from all the world. The best thing about it is the proprietor Pascal a woman from Belguim. She knows....things and all about crystals too. She studied with a monk from Tibet and had photos from her travels displayed throughout the establishment. We spoke sadly of the earthquake as she worried about friends there. I had only that morning posted photos of the devastation. I have been so drawn to that part of the world for a long time, my heart was heavy. She wore a beautiful large silver wolf pendant around her neck. I had dreams of wolf the night before.
" Is wolf your totem? " , I asked. She smiled broadly "Yes," she said,"And do you know wolf is the great teacher"? Our smiles connected as her deep blue eyes pierced mine. I loved her beautiful accent and lilting voice. "Yes I know", I stated matter of factly, "You will be my teacher". We needed no other words, we knew it would be so.
Just then Dawn came out ready for our visit. We went in back for privacy. We spoke about my self discovery and my soul work. My goal and my daily climb to live free from a fear based consciousness and live in love of myself and others and the true purpose of my soul. We talked of the fears still lurking in my shadow and how best to overcome them. She meditated with me and we cleared and balanced my chakras and put healing angelic light in them. I felt newly determined in my trek for a fear free existence without attachment..
I bought a beautiful Tibetan Quartz from Pascal and left feeling good. On the drive home I thought about how fear drives us all and how determined I am in this life to break free of that consciousnes. Freedom is my driver now. I can't be one of the hive, it's impossible with this soul. As I drive home I have a nagging feeling there is another test planned for me. I know I am ready for it. But the hairs on my neck prick up as my intuition becomes aware that my courage is the gauntlet thrown down to challenge my egos fear and he's about to pack a wallop. I shrugged it off.
I had no idea that my Saturday discussions with Dawn and Pascal would actually get me through the next two days.
Sunday the toothache started. Not just a bothersome thing a full on OMG doubled over pain. I started eating Tylenol exceeding max daily dose in 10 hours. I started calling the Dentists emergency number but no one calls back.
By Monday morning I was in full blown panic. I have a huge irrational dental phobia. As a kid I was cut with a dental drill when I tried to escape the chair. Since then I get IV sedation for everything to do with my mouth. It's still scary for me. The IV sedation another layer of fear. Anyone to witness a trip to the dentist with me would not recognize me as I shake and cower with anxiety. It's embarrassing and something that requires the "buddy system" for me.
Now here I was in excruciating pain with no dentist and no buddy. Of course panic made it all worse as I became hysterical. I felt terrible as Sparky burrowed by my side in fear from my fear. Since I felt reasonably sure my faithful fur ball would not be allowed with me if and when I finally found a dentist I thought it best to calm down for both of our sakes.
I posted that I needed a dentist on FB.
A friend texted me good morning. I texted back my plight. They sent me the name of their dentist. I stared at the text. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was my neighbor. In my fear and panic I had forgotten about Dr. Dave and his wife Karen. Note to self: panic makes you miss things!
I dialed the number and within 5 minutes I had found a savior who would fix me up. Someone I knew and trusted. I was still in a panic when I finally got to his office but I was able to relax a bit and act coherent..
I sat in the big recliner chair with all the equipment around and shook and cried feeling alone and terrified. I closed my eyes leaned back and tried to breath. A little voice in my head said, this is your test. And I realized I was completely consumed by a fear based consciousness. The very thing I didn't want my life to be. I looked at myself. I was a mess. I could barely function. Fear had completely done me in. I was powerless. I had not even remembered my neighbor was a dentist but through serendipity a friends text had brought me here to the reality of solution.. Yes, the universe was supporting me. Wow! I realized fear isn't even real, yet in its powerful illusion it had rendered me useless.
I took a couple of slow deep breaths. I willed my body to stop shaking, I brought my mind back to the present. I found my rational soul. The fear had grown huge feeding on my aloneness, I had no " buddy system". My ego found the thing that would set the panic. It used my achilees heel, the aloneness of my life and amplified it with my dog whose warmth made the lack of human presence so very noticeable.
Man, ego is a killer when it wants to make you live in fear. It pulls out every trick in the book.
I thought about my discussions with Dawn. My quest to move out of a fear based conciousness and towards living in love.
Ok F this fear you are not going to win. I knew I had to bring in love to erase it. I focused on Dr Dave' s gentle caring and competency and the warmth of his wife Karen. Two unbelievably giving people here to help me. I put love for them in my heart andI slowly fear subsided and I was not afraid. By the time Dr Dave came in and told me he had an oral surgeon standing by to pull my abscessed molar I didn't panic. I handled it with gratitude that he miraculously got me someone right away. I stayed in the vibration of love and gratitude.
He gave me the address of the surgeon. Karen embraced me and said she would take me and drive me home but they were short handed or she would do that. She looked in my eyes and said "I want you to know I would do that". She is a beautiful soul I was thankful for. I filled my heart with love not fear as I bravely set out for strangers who would give me relief albeit with IV sedation. Fear was licking at the back of my heart turning my core to jelly, but I focused oon Karens kindness.
On the way to the surgeon I started dialing friends. They would not do the procedure without someone to take me home. I struck out on the first 3 calls. But everyone I spoke to wanted to help me they were sincere... One was on a ferry to Rhode Island, one in the middle of their own emergency and one in a home closing. My angels were kicking my butt. I was starting to panic again and feel so alone when I stopped myself. You are so lucky you have friends who would come if they could I told myself. And I tried very hard to keep love in my heart so the fear stayed at bay.
I once again took a deep breath. Don't panic that's how you miss things , think find the solution, I told myself.. By now the Tylenol had long wore off and the pain was close to letting hysteria back in. I thought of Greggie my new sales agent at the real estate office. She'd only been with me a month. I was out of options I dialed.
I told her my plight. " I'll be right there", she said, "Give me the address". I couldn't believe it. How lucky was I? She was already there when I pulled in to the surgeons office. This woman barely knows me. Yes the universe has me supported... I am learning to surrender and depend on the kindness of strangers. There is no room for pride here. It's about a much bigger picture. In that moment I love Greggie and all she symbolizes, this beautiful almost stranger.
I am strapped in a chair a mask is placed over my face and an IV in my arm. The people doing this to me are total strangers. I am in a strange place I have never been before. There is no one in the waiting room for me. But I know Greggies number sits on the counter and they will call her and she will come when I am in recovery. I trust her.
I turn to the nurse putting in the IV and ask her name. She says "Anna". I look in her eyes and say "Anna do you believe in Angels?" She looks at me and answers" I pray to them everyday." "Well", I reply, "There are many right here in this room". She smiled at me.
"Anna please take good care of me, there are many people that love me and I have to be here for them." , It is the last thing I say before they plunge me into darkness.
When I wake Greggie is there, I am not surprised. She sits with me till I can stand,takes me home and helps me in the house like a drunken sailor. It's very different than the ex husband who used to fireman carry me over his shoulder and put me to bed. Somehow this feels better. More free. I am alone and I am fine. I find my bed, I find my dog, I sleep it off.
I wake with a big hole in my mouth and a hungry tummy. . It takes awhile to find my balance enough to make eggs. I eat in bed with Sparky keeping my feet warm. I check under my pillow .. Nuthin... Damn tooth fairy forgot me
I boot up facebook on my iPad. And I see the gift from the tooth fairy. Tears well in my eyes when I see all the love and light sent after my post.
I understand the gift the tooth fairy sent me. At first I didn't like what was in today's box. This day was a tough one. But I am blessed to learn. I learned I'm surrounded by love even when there is no human being next to me. I can still feel the vibration of love. I can use it to battle fear. I will win my struggle to overcome living in a fear based consciousness. Because every day I am given a gift box. Inside it are tools and opprtunities to learn how to live and align with my souls purpose.. The way we see what's in the box determines if we learn from pain and fear or wisdom.
When this day started I was learning through pain but I flipped my consciousness over in Daves dental chair, when I put love in place of fear. I started to learn through wisdom. The ride changed, it got much easier.
It was no coincidence this test was one that played on some of my two deepest fears. The dentist and undergoing the ordeal alone. But by learning how to live authentically in love we can diminish the power of fear everyday!
Thanks tooth fairy you had my back on this one!
Returning all the love and light given to me by my friends, I am so grateful for each one of your living beings.
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose