Years Since My Last Cancer Treatment
June 17, 2014 at 12:25pm
Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my last cancer treatment. I was sitting in my office at the Westcott Group working on the computer when I realized the date. Suddenly I felt claustrophobic
like the bright yellow walls were closing in on me. I’ve so rarely felt like that, there in my second home. The space I lovingly created, where ambition flourishes and ideas come into razor sharp focus, was suddenly cutting off my concentration. My thoughts kept turning to Sloan Kettering and those days spent on an icy radiation table. This was no way to spend this day. I had to celebrate and honor my life! I got up and left.
I went home put on yoga pants and a tank top, jumped in my
car, put the top down, cranked the music and sped off to my sacred place. Field 5 – Robert Moses – the Lighthouse. The wind blew the cob webs out of my head on the way. It was a gorgeous day, the kind you would order if you had a divine weather menu! Blue sky and puffy white clouds, bright sun and 78 with no humidity. I started to feel my blessings.
I remember when the Doctor told me I had cancer; I thought
what about my beautiful life!!? Someone sucker punched me in the forehead and I wasn’t sure how long the “stun” was gonna last. It lasted for quite some time. ..
I remember the first time I went to Sloan for my treatments; I still couldn’t believe a cancer hospital was on my agenda. It had been a long road, 5 biopsies, 3 surgeries the cancer was gone but I still wasn’t well and they needed to treat me. I was embarrassed to be topless in front if all these doctors and techs … strangers. At first I would wonder who watched me from behind the
glass in the radiation suite as I lay there still trapped in the dis-ease fighting with all my might. After the second week of daily treatment I didn't care "just save my life” I would think as I stripped down and lay on a cold table half naked. My technicians became my friends ,my lifesavers, my rocks. I learned to depend on the kindness of strangers. I never told anyone but on my last day of treatment they had to help me off the table because I was hysterical crying clinging to my only caregivers. I did not want to leave them. All those months I couldn’t reach out to anyone else because
I refused to acknowledge a disease within me and only focused on the healthy side of my body. So every day for 6 weeks of treatment Neonila and Angie gave me the support no one else gave me. I felt that as long as I kept coming here, to this big building full of lifesavers, coming to them, nothing would happen to me but without them and their machines and exams, cancer would come and kill me. I couldn’t tell anyone my fear! When faced with the realization I wouldn’t be coming to see them anymore I collapsed. For what seemed like a very long time in their arms I let it all out, as they just quietly held me … and then I pulled myself up and went home and lay in a beach chair on my patio with a blanket for a long time.. I didn’t go back to life for a few weeks that summer, brain fog and exhaustion had set in and yet I wanted to taste my beautiful life so badly.
Yesterday I went to my sacred place where the wind and the sun and the sea and the deep blue sky are my church and I worshiped life at its beautiful natural alter. I anointed myself with all its joys and sorrows and pain and laughter, and depth and silliness and I felt so very grateful for myself and all the things and people I have walked with. I stroked a soul full of anticipation for what comes next as my imagination fingered its ripe promise. I felt renewal, sweet, joyful renewal, prana my life force so strong under a blazing sun as waves crashed and birds cried out.
Cancer is an alarm with no snooze button, you either wake up or die in your sleep. A lesson began for me the day the doctor told me I had cancer. In some ways the sickness made me healthy. I learned that it doesn’t matter if someone else isn’t “feeling it” or if they don’t “get it” because whether you are lying
on a table in a cancer hospital or running in the surf on a beautiful June day sometimes you just have to be your own best friend. And celebrate your life, every precious, rotten, glorious moment of it, embrace it, appreciate it and don’t miss a thing!
Oh and your never too old for the bouncy slide!
Peace and love
Spiritual Healer, Energetic Medium
This Blog is the story of the miracles, challenges and lessons of my life journey. Years ago when I hit a personal "rock bottom" my despair led me to seek answers and my quest for truth began. Amazing events propelled me on a spiritual journey of transformation.. Miraculously, through these experiences my life has become my teacher and my friend.... I hope my words connect us and allow us to walk together for a time as teacher and friend to each other. The most valuable thing we have during this human experience is our connection to love. The love in our soul for a higher power and others is the only thing that is real. I honor these connections through my writing. Theses words are my gift inspired through the heart of Spirit for you. I hope by sharing my journey it will enlighten, inspire and ease yours as it does mine >> ... Peace... Georgia Rose